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AIBU: To not tell anyone our ELCS date? TW sexual assault

4 replies

Radikka · 28/09/2022 19:48

Hi everyone,

I am currently pregnant and am going to speak to my midwife about an Elective/maternal choice c-section. This is our first child. My DP is completely supportive of my choice. I am choosing ELCS because of a history sexual abuse and I feel an ELCS will make me feel in more control.

Only my DP knows about the history. My DM is a midwife she is very strong minded and vocal about her view on ELCSs being wrong and selfish. At this stage DM has no idea that I am considering an ELCS at this stage

DM is really excited about my pregnancy and is already giving me lots of helpful advice generally .I am worried to broach the subject of ELCS with DM I guess my worry is that she and wider family will judge my decision and if I tell DM I am going to have an ELCS she will go full-on to try and convince me that ELCS is wrong and that I'm being selfish.

DP and I are considering not telling anyone about ELCS plans and date until after the birth.

but my DM may be very upset by us springing the birth on her and having not been truthful.

Am I being unreasonable to keep it a secret? What would you do in this situation? Any advise is greatly appreciated. I can't see a clear answer at the moment but know my feelings of fear and guilt may be clouding my judgement xx

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

25 votes. Final results.

You are being unreasonable
You are NOT being unreasonable
RoomOfRequirement · 28/09/2022 19:50

Don't tell anyone. Just announce after you have the baby. You don't even have to say it was an ELCS. It's your birth and your reasons are very valid.

CookieCoo · 28/09/2022 19:52

You don’t tell her. Just smile and nod and talk about your due date. In reality, you’ll get your ELCS date a week before.

When the baby arrives, she doesn’t need to know the full background. Just say you got advised that the baby needed to come then.

Enjoy your ELCS. I’ve had 2 and they were both wonderful experiences. We didn’t tell anyone about the first.

candycaneframe · 28/09/2022 19:52

Considering your mums views YANBU

I couldn't keep this from my family, and didn't they all knew my previous ELCS dates so people could book time off, but none would dare to comment which makes all the difference

I'd try not to fall into the trap of actively lying though, just try and omit the truth if questioned

Twopandemicpregnancies · 28/09/2022 19:57

Absolutely keep your birth plan between you and DP. Your ELCS is likely to be scheduled for around 39 weeks so it will all be done before your due date and you just tell her afterwards that they recommended a c section due to failure to progress (this was the reason I had my first c section; my second was elective). And congratulations on your pregnancy!

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