To think my 18mo hates me?

[DaphneeBridgerton]

I can’t work her out.

She cries every single time I drop her at nursery (and then is apparently fine as soon as she’s through the door)

She is always asking for cuddles, mummy etc and will cry if I leave a room or she can’t see me but even when she’s asked to be picked up, as soon as I pick her up she shouts “down” and goes all rigid.

if I don’t do something quickly enough (get her milk for example) or if I take something away from her she has full blown tantrums that include throwing herself on the floor and throwing anything in sight across the room.

She also hits, scratches and bites me when things don’t go her way but then immediately she asks for cuddles, then pushes me away again

without drip feeding I had very serious PND which I am still recovering from but have done my best to be present and connect with her, play with her etc. but I do feel stressed sometimes

my worry is she’s picked up on my depression/anxiety and doesn’t feel safe around me or something? Hence why she can’t make her mind up… or am I totally overthinking it.

I love her so much and want her to be okay

This all sounds very normal to me! Toddlers are whack. She's at an age now where she's testing boundaries - she wants to see what you'll do. They have 0 impulse control. It's their world and we live in it!

My toddler will throw something, get told off, come for a hug to apologise, but then throw more things. It's just how they're programmed! Very common for them to be upset at the transition into nursery and then forget all about it once they're there.

She acts out with you because you're her safe space. She knows that whatever she does, you'll love her and care for her. You're doing just fine.

Thanks for your reply

glad to hear it’s normal. I think I know it deep down but it’s hard when she’s all smiles and perfectly behaved for my mum/husband but she sees me and turns into a little monster!

i also worry I was quite distracted for a long time while suffering from PND and now she is trying to get my attention. But I know I give her lots of attention. If anything my mum says too much!

This is normal,she loves you to bits!!💐you are her whole world.
She feels so confident of your love she can act up,stretch boundaries and have fun,tantrums and everything inbetween,knowing you love her and she loves you just as much.
Toddlers are,without a doubt,very exhausting but never doubt your relationship.
Good luck moving forward.💐🌈

Sounds fairly ordinary toddler stuff to me.
Do a search on here for ‘reasons my toddler has cried today’…… it’s hilarious and reassuring.
Toddlers are extremely trying. Patience is important but also it’s not too soon to start setting boundaries and expectations. Hitting and scratching you for example is not something to be encore ignored. Figure out with her dad how you’re going to deal it.
You sound like a good mother and a loving parent. She will grow out of it!!

Sounds fairly ordinary toddler stuff to me.
Do a search on here for ‘reasons my toddler has cried today’…… it’s hilarious and reassuring.
Toddlers are extremely trying. Patience is important but also it’s not too soon to start setting boundaries and expectations. Hitting and scratching you for example is not something to be encore ignored. Figure out with her dad how you’re going to deal it.
You sound like a good mother and a loving parent. She will grow out of it!!

She doesn’t hate you, toddler are just very contrary!
My 17 month old DS is pretty similar. He screamed and threw himself on the floor because I made his usual rice pudding. I didn’t force him to eat it or anything… just asked if he wanted it and put it on the table for later.

Mine keeps having full blown rages because I pick up my own phone!

There is a book calle toddlers are arseholes if it helps

My mum says the same - that she feels safe with me but I do get so frustrated with her at times. I never show it though!

gosh being a mum is one worry after the other isn’t it!

thanks everyone

Getting frustrated with her can be a teaching moment too. You’re modelling how to deal with frustration.

When my DD was being particularly nightmareish- and still now when she’s having a trying moment, she’s 7- and I could feel myself going from annoyed to angry, I’d put her somewhere safe (as a toddler- so eg her cot) and say ‘I’m going to go and make a cup of tea and we’ll deal with this when I’m back’.

She would, as a toddler, scream and cry for those two minutes. But she was anyway! And if I didn’t let her, I’d be screaming too. She hadn’t learnt how to handle emotions, but I have, and going to calm down helps. Sometimes I’d also sit on my bed and count to five with slow breaths while she screamed at me.

She’s now able to manage her own big feelings a lot of the time and can calm herself down. She also does slow breaths to calm down. So I like to think, perhaps that’s because even in the moments where I beat myself up for getting angry and walking away I was still teaching her something. Because I didn’t just walk away. I walked back, calm and ready to deal with it sensibly.

Your toddler has big feelings and it can be really tough, but you love her, and you’ll get through it together.

100% completely normal! You've just word for word described my 18 month old daughter 😆

She doesn't hate you OP don't worry, she's just a normal toddler!

My 17 month old bit my shoulder today, I said "don't do that, it hurts mummy" and she burst into tears and threw herself on the floor crying then came back to me for a hug