I grew up in a home with lots of domestic issues and emotional abuse from my DM. I left home straight after university, and worked through alot of trauma from my childhood. I was the black sheep/scapegoat in the family and my db and dsis were the golden children. I have kept a very low contact relationship with my DM.
My dsis ended up living in the same city as me, and whilst we didn't become closer we were close as we each had 1 child a few months apart. I then got pregnant and lost my baby at 6 months which was extremely traumatic for me. My dm at that point, wasn't really there for me and just 'supported' from afar. Our relationship is civil but we clearly don't have a normal bond and relationship. My dsis helped with my dc at that time. We then moved quite far away, and I am now pregnant again after 2 more losses and IVF. This has been such an extremely stressful pregnancy with complications.
Dh and I only told our families after the 6month mark due to our history. My dsis is also pregnant and due a week after me. The issue is that we are completely new to the area, no friends really and no support system. I am highly stressed as it gets closer to the time, what would happen to my older dc and who would be with him should it get complicated. I had 2 options, but they have both let me down. DM immediately jumped at the chance to come and help me. I am in a really desperate position to have considered this, given that I haven't asked for a single thing in 15 years. So as the arrangement stood, she was coming over and that is what we have been planning around.
Over the past week, I have just had the feeling that she is going to let me down. The only thing that has changed is that my dsis has a nanny that has resigned. Bear in mind my dsis, has her very hands on inlaws, other relatives and a good group of friends who will help without hesitation. I spoke to db yesterday and I also got the feeling they have been discussing this. Yesterday my DM says that it seems like she will miss my Dsis birth. That was always going to be the case, even when she offered to come she even said that she will miss it but its ok as she knows they have alot of support. So it seems like my dsis child who is also the favoured gc, is the priority here.
I feel like telling DM not to bother, don't come and extremely upset today. This goes back to yet again, me being at the bottom of the pile. I have been through so much to get pregnant again and under an enormous amount of stress, I am just crying here thinking that I have let my guard down and after so long they can do this to me. She still says she is coming, however now there is alot of 'if's and buts' and comments. Its as if she is saying all the right things, but laying the foundation to let me down. I really don't know what to do, I am just crying here really stressed. Dh is an only, with no dps so we are really stuck.
AIBU?
WWYD - Situation with DM and DSis
Worthyornot · 28/09/2022 14:43
Am I being unreasonable?
23 votes. Final results.
POLLMy heart aches for you OP. No advice, but just wanted to give you a virtual hug. WhatonEarth and Dollydea 's idea is good. You would know where you were then.
What part of the country do you live in? 
I'm sorry this is happening. Honestly I think you should just tell your mum you don't want her there. She's clearly not going to prioritise you, and it's stressing you out because she won't commit.
I think you need to explore childminders or just your husband staying with your older child. You won't be the first or last to do that. You could hire a doula to be with you at the birth. My hospital had volunteers for women who were alone - one of them sat with me while I laboured as I thought my husband wasn't going to make it.
Dollydea · 28/09/2022 14:59
I'd ask her outright, explain the situation again and make it clear how worried and desperate you are for her to be able to be there. Tell her if she's not going to be there then she needs to let you know now before it's too late to make alternate arrangements.
I'd also do what a PP mentioned and look up paid childcare alternatives just in case.
If she let me down last minute after knowing how much I & DC needed her, then that would be the end of any sort of relationship with her, between myself & DC's too.
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