Greedy CSA

[snoozysuzi]

Hi all, my daughter has just turned 15 and due to cost of living crisis I am struggling a bit. Her dad is absent 95% of the time which has always mostly suited me. He has always paid and we have had a mutual agreement. Recently I asked him to review payments, turns out I’m due several hundred more than I have been getting. He is panicking and doesn’t want to give me the full amount, suggests we “talk” first but god knows why. Am I being unreasonable to ask for the (quite substantial) amount I am entitled to?
FYI I am an NHS nurse, he is a civil engineer (who has claimed his tax back the last 2 years).
reason for posting: I don’t want to be one of those women just taking what I can get, I like to earn my way in life but I could use the money 😭😩 His payments just now are reasonable. Thanks

Absolutely my mum now says this same exact phrase you you sure as hell don't get any thanks for being a mother.

I make sure I live by it too!

I would agree to meet him to talk. I'd say he has not been paying enough and as a consequence you have had to overpay from your salary. Ask him to pay correct amount going forward and set up a catch up of back payments over time. Your child is entitled to that money. Going to uni and saving a deposit is expensive. This would give your child a helping hand. Sounds like this Father spends very little time with DC so he needs to make sure child is financially provided for. If he refuses involve CSA.

I think the person you are replying to is saying you can't ask for 15 years of back-payments, not that you can't change the amount going forward. At least that's my interpretation, otherwise I don't see why "How on earth does he find that money now?" would necessarily be an issue.

I don't think CMS will collect payments for period before they were involved, so I think the back-payment scenario isn't one we need to talk about. I don't think that's what OP was proposing.

@Getoff but why now after 15 years? CMS will be ending soon did it not dawn on OP that her ex could be lying about his salary and short changing her daughter.

Can I ask what the CMS calculation is supposed to cover - should it be you pay that amount and that's it done and dusted or should you also contribute towards nursery fees/after school club / school uniforms / trips etc?

Yes absolutely you should WANT to contribute more if possible. CMS is the sheer minium this seems to go over people's heads unless your in the minority paying a huge amount each month.

@Getoff yes that is what I meant. Sorry I'm not sure I was very clear. I meant that you can't back claim for the last 15 years. Absolutely agree that it should be changed going forward though.

This sentiment often expressed on here, but it's wrong. It's conflating two different interpretations of "minimum".

CMS is not necessarily a lower bound on what is reasonable, it's a lower bound on what is legal. Presumably it is actually middle-of-the-range for what politician consider reasonable, bearing in mind it is produced by a very crude calculation that can't take individual circumstances into account.

It would make no sense for the legal minimum to be same as the moral minimum, as that would imply legislators expected people who had to be compelled to pay a small amount to somehow be inspired by the experience and voluntarily pay extra.

@Getoff thats not the question you asked. Sorry but you lost me at politicans. The fact you need to ask says it all..

Are you really suggesting we should go by a politican? Seriously?? Minium means exactly that. There's no middle ground what your saying is wrong.

Thanks, I'm working out what I could reasonably ask for but as my youngest is still at nursery the childcare bills are huge. In a couple of years I could survive on less but I'm panicking how I can afford everything on my own right now and wasn't sure if I should be suggesting a maintenance amount plus 50:50 on nursery.

I've lost track of the thread, I've no idea what you're talkng about with regard to me asking a question. What question did I ask?

Are you really suggesting we should go by a politican? Seriously?? Minium means exactly that. There's no middle ground what your saying is wrong

If someone is paying CMS amount of £900 a month, implying that £1800 a month should be spent, but in fact the child is costing £500 a month, and neither parent thinks more than £500 a month needs spending, and the parent receiving the £900 is earning the same as the parent paying the money, how much more than £900 do you think the paying parent should pay, in order not to be considered a bad person? The post I'm responding to suggests that is never acceptable to only pay the CMS amount.

@Getoff I never said anybody was a bad person. However I don't think you did yourself any favours by bringing politicians into it (they themselves are sh*t).

Is your example realistic £900 per month? I don't know anybody who gets half that amount. If your going to give an example perhaps they need to be in line with average CMS. I will spell it out for you.......

If a dad pays £300 per month. This is because MUM usually has the full responsibility in terms of pick ups/drop offs and school holidays. I'm not saying all men but the majority can't be arsed to parent they do just the minium and expect some kind of reward. Why shouldn't a guy offer to cover 50% of school uniforms, school trips, spending money for the holiday. He can work 60 hours a week if he wants. I used to do that before being a mum. Now I'm limited unlike DS dad....... he does EOW which includes Fridays... but he claims he can't commit so it's as a when due to HIS work commitments. For me it's not just the money... but my point remains the same.

@Soubriquet my ex owes over £10k in unpaid arrears for cms. I never get anywhere with them. They say they will do something then backtrack. I have called them twice this week and spent 4 hours on the phone to them on hold before speaking to a case advisor.

They are worse than doctors receptionists