To be so scared I’m going to die

[WorryMcGee]

I am 37 and have a 5 month old baby. I was diagnosed with breast cancer last month and they said they thought it was grade 1, lymph nodes looked clear and that it looked small. I had a wire guided excision and sentinel node biopsy two weeks ago and today they’re telling me it was actually a bit bigger than they initially thought, grade 2 not grade 1 and it actually was in two of the three lymph nodes they removed so now I have to have the whole lot removed, and a CT scan and a bone scan to see if it’s spread and I’m fucked. Well I am aren’t I. It’s all very well and good her saying to me “we don’t expect to see anything”, well you fucking told me you didn’t expect to see anything in my lymph nodes either and yet there it fucking is.

Well it’s just a horribly shit situation, when (baby related) sleepless nights aside should be your biggest worry.

Lympth nodes can be removed. Breast cancer survival rates are pretty strong now. I know women who have had it, had treatment and survived for decades.

That doesn’t take away how frightening it is for you personally, I’d be frightened too. You are not unreasonable to be afraid, that is a totally reasonable reaction to what you’re going through.

Wishing you all the best for your treatment and recovery

You're not being unreasonable if you're panicking. Anybody would. I don't think there's much we can do in the way of advice though. She's trying to calm you down. It's scary, I know, but I hope all goes well, and very best wishes for a full and swift recovery. 🙏

Please try to keep as calm as possible. It is terrifying to be told you have breast cancer especially as you have a young baby. I was in your position 7 years ago and it felt like the goal posts were being moved constantly. It’s better that you are diagnosed fully so you can be treated. I thought I was going to die and leave my 4 kids. And it is a terrible place to be. I ended up having mastectomies chemo & radiotherapy and while it’s not a experience I would choose it has kept me alive. Have you called Breast Cancer Now or Macmillan they were very helpful also contact your breast cancer nurse and explain your fears. I had counselling at the hospital and it helps to process your very real fears. Take care of yourself xxx

i'm sorry OP, that must be incredibly difficult.

I think you will be fine. It was caught early and is being treated appropriately.

I also think you are absolutely responding in an understandable way.

Who wouldn't think what you are?

Not me!!

Shit diagnosis though with a small baby. Utterly rubbish.

Do you have a counsellor through any services? Probably good to have a chat/discussion/scream into the ether.

Prognosis are good these days even up to stage 4. So don't panic. Understandable though that is.

I only say that because you have a very small baby. Which is gruelling enough without additional stress.

I don't want you to lose yourself. Stay centered. It will probably be ok.

Try not to think the worst. It sounds as though it has been caught early and that treatment is likely to be successful. So sorry you are in this situation, and I hope for a swift resolution to ease your worries. Take care.

I feel I should add when I say I know women who have survived, I work closely with someone who was diagnosed with breast cancer shortly after having a baby. She’s my colleague now, 17 years after diagnosis, she’s one of the healthiest people I know, both physically and mentally.

Oh love, I was where you are three years ago. Cancer is a bastard. Took my mum and then almost me. I wish you the very best and remember that many people now live long happy lives after cancer.

Utterly terrifying but I think you will be ok.
Not cancer but I did have a new born baby and I was told something life threatening would not happen again (consultant bedside chat) and it did.
And so I totally get how you feel.
Yes, things got a whole lot worse and yes, physically and psychologically I struggled big time.
But that was over 20 years ago.
My baby is 21 now and I’m still here.
Stay strong.

I’m so very sorry to read your post @WorryMcGee , it’s a dreadful thing this cancer bitch. I know how desperate you feel. To give you some hope, I’m an ovarian cancer survivor, it’s nearly 10 years now that I’ve been cancer free. Sending a handhold, love and strength. 💙

I'm so sorry, how devastating for you. Try to be positive for your baby, I know it's hard when you're so scared. There's a cancer support thread on the General Health board which may give you advice & support. Sending you very best wishes , love & strength. Be gentle with yourself. 💐

OP, in 2012 I was diagnosed with breast cancer, aggressive 8cm (yes you read that right, 8cm, not mm) tumour with 12 lymph nodes in the axilla. Like you I had to have a CT scan and bone scan as it was likely the cancer would have metastised elsewhere in my body. It was a living nightmare, until I got the results of those tests back. The cancer hadn't metastised. I had very aggressive chemotherapy for 7 months, followed by radiation therapy, then 5 years of hormone therapy. Ten years on (almost to the day!) I'm still here, healthy and happy, and my tiny boy who was 4 when I was diagnosed is now a strapping 14 year old.

You will be thinking the worst, and yes, the worst does happen, and it's not fucking fair. But also the worst often does not happen, and you get the chance to live on. Please try to hold onto some hope. I know how hard it is, but there is hope.