Feeling a bit shit, bit of a rant sorry.

I started uni in the year before covid started- in September 2019. Then covid hit in March 2020 and we immediately went fully online. We haven’t had had a lecture on campus since March 2020. We’ve been able to have practicals and tutorials once a week on campus but we worked in very small randomised groups.

when I started in 2019, I made a big group of friends with some really nice girls. We didn’t really get the chance to become close friends because we hadn’t even finish first year before Uni went remote.

during covid, we all drifted. Half of the group decided to leave and basically told the other half to stop hanging around with them (they were quite bitchy anyway so I wasn’t particularly disappointed), several other girls left the course, and now there’s only a few of us. But out of those of us left, the other girls were always better friends within the bigger group, whereas the girls I was friends with were the ones who ended up dropping out. They are still nice to me, but over the last few years they would meet up regularly without asking me and I’d see the posts on social media or they would talk about them to me. Sometimes they would invite me when they were meeting up but I could tell I was always a last offer and not really wanted or originally asked. I was busy with work and hobbies and I know I could have made more of an effort to keep up with them all, but I felt like such a spare part and like I was obviously not part of their group and it was hard to want to even message them. We went from texting like friends in a big group chat to suddenly texting all formally and coldly .

so now we’re back to being on campus, and I’ve realised I don’t have any friends at Uni. I can still sit with the girls from my group but i feel like I’m annoying them and it’s obvious im not part of their group and that they don’t really want me with them. I have a lot of people I can be friendly with but no real friends as such and everyone has groups from before or during covid. I suddenly felt so lonely in the big crowd waiting to go into my lecture hall. I don’t have any that im close enough with to go for a coffee. Or to the library. Or to sit with and talk to. Or to stand with waiting to go into a lecture.

I suddenly felt so small and lonely today and I went to the toilet to have a cry and pull myself together. I’ve only got a year left so not a massive problem and we will be busy with our dissertations anyway, but it’s quite depressing. I’ve got friends from work and school and through sports but I spend so much time at uni and it’s going to be a really lonely year.

Covid has had such a huge effect on things like this and it’s been such a disappointing Uni experience