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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To consider going to DDs friends mum about this

14 replies

Kinderbuenos · 27/09/2022 20:21

DD went to her first disco last week (she’s 14)
Had her 1st kiss which her friend videoed and then sent to other girls in school. I’ve seen the video, nothing awful, just an embarrassing 1st kiss.

DD is upset and this friend is ultra sensitive so likely to try and turn this in as much as she can.

I want to go to the girls mother and ask her to have a word with her DD. My daughter doesn’t want me to and wants to handle it herself.

What do you think I should do ?

OP posts:

ArnoldBee · 27/09/2022 20:23

Tak to school about how to deal with it.

Original poster

Kinderbuenos · 27/09/2022 20:25

@ArnoldBee The school aren’t going to be interested in getting involved. I do know the mother for several years

OP posts:

lailamaria · 27/09/2022 20:26

she's 14 in my opinion tell her you'll give her time to sort it herself but to come to you if it gets worse and you'll help

EweCee · 27/09/2022 20:26

Was it a school disco? If so, the school should be very interested seeing as it could be construed as bullying on school premises, surely?

RealBecca · 27/09/2022 20:27

I think you should let your daughter handle it.

Let her have something in her control.

Angelinflipflops · 27/09/2022 20:27

I think that's terrible behaviour. I'd want to know if my kid did this.

Nightynightnight · 27/09/2022 20:27

I think you should listen to your daughter. She's 14 and if she wants to handle it herself you should accept it and support her to do it. Talk to her about what "handling it herself" actually looks like to her and if she needs anything from you in order to do it.

LadybirdsAreNeverHappy · 27/09/2022 20:30

It’s a horrible thing to do but I would leave it be especially if your daughter doesn’t want you to get involved. Advise her to dump the friend if she hasn’t already and if there’s any more trouble, go to the mother/ school about it.

Original poster

Kinderbuenos · 27/09/2022 20:30

Thanks I agree it’s awful behaviour and I would be disgusted if my DD did this to a friend. I also think this is not a good friendship for my DD.

It wasn’t a school disco I’m afraid so no input there.

OP posts:

Goldencarp · 27/09/2022 20:32

God, teenage girls can be awful can’t they. Honestly though I’d let her deal with it, as tempting as it may be to go to the girls mum. My daughter is 16 and been through so much with so called friends. I’ve always respected her wishes and not got involved. It’s been really hard at times though.

lljkk · 27/09/2022 20:33

You need to show respect for your daughter's wishes how to handle this.
it is only an awkward kiss. (phew) nothing that truly needs damage control.

I would encourage the DD to talk about how she wants to handle this, how she wants to interact with those people, does she feel she can trust them, is it awkward with the kissee?, they got video'd too & may be equally annoyed!!, how she wants to prevent others putting her in an awkward situation again. This is a listening exercise, creating a space for her to mull thru her feelings and thoughts, not you telling her what to do. She can create the skills to work thru this, just help her develop.

Original poster

Kinderbuenos · 27/09/2022 20:38

Thank you all - some great advise as ever. What would I do without mumsnet!

OP posts:

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 27/09/2022 21:17

She's 14 so I think you need to let her deal with it herself. If you don't then you run the risk of your dd not telling you things in the future.

And everything lljkk has said!

Shiningstarr · 27/09/2022 21:25

In my experience, getting involved hasn't worked. I would want to know if my child had done that, but you will find the majority of parents, even if you are friends with them, will not be happy with you for telling them.

I've lost a couple of friends this way, although I don't regret messaging them. Some parents don't like being told their child has done wrong, they can't accept it.

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