To work when my children are asleep?

[EvacuationWarden]

Struggling to make ends meet. Lone parent, 3 dc ages 17, 14 and 8. 17 yo sometimes elsewhere though- girlfriends or his dads- this is relevant.

I’m thinking about whether I should apply for a v local cleaning job which would be 5am-7am weekdays. I already have a full time 9-5 role which is a mix from home/office and would enable me to do the second job and be back to commence a normal day with the 2 dc at home.

I’m unsure though about leaving the 14 and 8 year olds- 17 can’t be relied upon to be in the house (he’s not unreliable, is v responsible in fact but just can’t guarantee when he’s going to be elsewhere) and whilst the other 2 are trustworthy and don’t wake till 7.30 ish as schools are v close by I feel terribly guilty about leaving them alone.

I REALLY need the money- as well as the cost of bloody everything going up, our lovely dog has had a decline in a pre-existing medical condition that isn’t covered by insurance. And it’s going to cost me £££ extra in meds every month for at least the next 5 years (hopefully longer because she’s my 4th baby!)

I’m also paying off bits and bobs of but this does mean that I might not have to do a second job forever as once that’s cleared things would be much easier.

Of course it’s just applying and I might not even get it. It is the only additional work pattern I could do as I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing 2 hours in the evening when they are awake. Feels less of a loss to them if it’s when they are sleeping (plus exh would use it as a reason to argue that I’m a shit mother and try to stealth brainwash them again into living with him even though they are v happy and settled and see him frequently/ regularly)

YABU- it’s unreasonable to do an early morning job that would mean your kids are alone on the house
YANBU- needs must and they are old enough to be left whilst sleeping

YANBU you do what you need to do to make things work.

I'd maybe ask the 17yo to make an effort to be in for the first few days, until everyone is use to it, and run through what the 14yo would need to do in different sanarios, but even if they do wake early, the 14yo should be OK for a couple of hours with an 8yo. Realistically it's not going to be that often that the 8yo wakes early on a day when your working and the 17yo is also elsewhere.

As per previous post, ask 17 year old just to be home first couple of days and to try as much as possible to stay home. Otherwise if cleaning job is local, then I can’t see a problem.

YANBU

Can't see why anyone would think this could be an issue

perfectly reasonable. good luck!

Depends on the 8yo. My 11yo Dts wake at sparrows crack. I wouldn't leave them alone. Not sure it's fair in the 14 yo either

But if you have to, you have to.

I’ve applied for it. There have been occasions this summer where I’ve been up v early to walk dog if we’re having a busy day and I know it will be hard fitting it later, or sometimes to go to an early gym class (ok so not THAT often for gym 😂) so it’s not something that is totally new to them. If I get an interview I will talk to them about it.

I think you'd be well within your rights to insist the 17-year-old be there on the days you need him. A teen doesn't need to be gadding about, especially when there is a financial crunch and his mother needs to bring in more cash. It's not out of line to ask him to contribute his time. At least.

Congratulations on getting the job!
Just curious, why are you telling your kids your off to the gym instead of working this second job?
Just trying to understand the reasoning behind it.

Why are you lying to your kids?

Name change fail!?

I really don’t want my exh to know. That’s why the gym tale. He is super critical of my parenting as it is. Not overtly- but I am tuned into his thinking after a long marriage involving emotional and financial abuse. If he actually paid even a quarter of what his £100k+ salary should dictate in child maintenance then I probably wouldn’t need to get a second job but that is a can of worms that if opened would have a significant impact on how we coparent and we manage that very well at present so I don’t want to put that at risk. I do earn a decent salary from my regular job and he would argue that I’m crap with money and that this is why I’m skint, and that the children would be better off with him as he does not struggle and can afford not to use after school childcare eg as his work is so flexible that he can be around more for them.