What's your parental confession?

[ParentConfessionTime]

NC here for obvious reasons. And no, not a journalist looking for a cheap story (fuck off Daily Fail and the like)

Met my NCT friends for lunch last week and led to an interesting conversation confessing things we've done as parents that before having kids we would have rolled our eyes at.

Obviously lighthearted. I'll start

When WFH my DH had one day a week with our toddler looking after him. He wanted us to all have lunch together but I used to set up a Teams meeting with my Hotmail account, bring up an old presentation then pretend I was on a very important call whenever he popped his head in, whilst I was really eating my lunch, shopping online or on Mumsnet
(Caveat, he is known for often taking a 30 min poo when childcare is involved so I didn't feel that guilty 😆)

I secretly eat snacks in random places so my toddler doesn't hear the rustling wrapper (nothing like a kit Kat while pretending to do laundry in the kitchen)

I hate the chaos of bathtime and water everywhere (now baby and toddler on the scene) so rarely give them baths unless dirty (teeth always brushed and face washed though). I particularly hate washing their hair as they kick up such a fuss.

Anyone else have any very unmummsy confessions?

The dc both moved schools in September, one to high school, one to middle school. When I filled in their registration paperwork, I put DH's details as primary contact. DH is astonished at the amount of comms he now gets from both schools. I've managed school stuff for 13 years, I don't feel guilty at all.

I have also eaten a lot of chocolate in the garage/bathroom etc.

My sister told her toddler dd - now an adult - that she (the child) was allergic to dogs and Coca-Cola.

It's actually potentially dangerous to eat fresh uncooked garden snails.

Thought I'd better warn. If you cook them, or purge them they are safe. Otherwise no.

This made me tear up, you're a beautiful mum

I eat the sweets from the kids' party bags that they inevitably forget about after coming home from a birthday party.

I keep baby on the boob way longer than needed to avoid the evening chaos with my two older kids when my dh is home

When dh is away I let the big kids stay in my bed so we all have company.

I eat so much rubbish food in secret. All over Christmas I couldn't wait to get them to bed in the evening so I could get stuck into the stash.

If I get caught with something in my mouth my son will ask me what I'm eating and I say medicine.

I skip parts of books if they're very long.

My son has a groclock so he's only allowed up when it turns yellow. I push it back half an hour at weekends!

@MaMisled
Oh gosh - this has made me cry.

Your children will undoubtedly have lovely memories of this, even though it was a troubling time.
You are wonderful.

The kids 8, 4 & 4mo (not so much the 4mo) wanted to stay up until midnight for NYE.

DP and I were exhausted from a sick 4mo DS so at 10pm we got some sparklers and fizzy pop out in little champagne glasses and counted down to "12.00". They loved it.

We used to put the clocks back an hour at weekends so they’d stay in bed longer. It was great!

We've lost the top motor part of the children's dyson. To stop our 1yo keep demanding "on", I now make pretend hoover noises. Amazingly it works

I told DD5 she can only keep McDonalds Happy Meal toys for a week, then they have to go back to McDonalds the bin to go to another child.

When reading 4yo DD her bedtime story I often skip over sentences or whole sections just to get the thing over with quicker.

I am SO good at abridging books on the trot. You would never know I was doing it - publishing firms should pay me because I can seamlessly slice out 40% repetition and blah blah blah.

You are not alone!

I’ve told my two children that I’m allergic to slime, my youngest gets really concerned if we’re in a shop and I happen to be anywhere near some. He also gave a present back at his last birthday party before I could stop him because it would make his mummy ill

Me too. Dd learning to read was a disaster to me!

Until they were about 3 we used to eat all their Easter eggs, just giving them the buttons/smarties from the middle. Between them there used to be about 20 Easter eggs.

Glad I'm not the only one thinking this 😅

My 2 year old has ‘weekend treat’, which is Bluey on iPlayer in our room until 8am so DH and I can dick about on our phones and drink coffee.

Same 2 yo also thinks wine is called ‘juice’ because whenever we want to go to the pub we suggest we all ‘go for a juice’.

This has made me feel a bit teary, what a lovely mum you are x

When my kids were about 4 6 and 9 and ish I was struggling to get a place in a car park but I could see a space near the exit - no barriers in place here - so I drove out and drove back in via the exit route and made a car wanting to come out wait by the side for me ( angrily).

Kids all well aware. I pronounced " it's ok, some rules are made to be broken". And I've felt bad for the last twenty- plus years. Terrible example to set.

I decided to make pink sugar mice when I was a SAHM as a treat for my husband who loves them.

i didn’t realise I had dropped some red colouring on DCs head (6 months ish) and DH came home, cuddled DC and panicked starting asking me what the blood was?!

I couldn’t confess, because I had actually already eaten all the mice I’d made him as a treat whilst watching Homes under the Hammer repeats.

I used to find if you read the first line of each page the story usually still made sense

🤣 this is one of my favourites

When utterly exhausted, when my kids were younger and I was desperate to just close my eyes for ten minutes, I used to wear them all out with activities, then leave a huge packet of their favourite biscuits on the side.
I knew that they would creep about stealthily and be really quiet until they had opened and stuffed the lot, and I got ten minutes power nap.

It's sounds awful but it was survival in those days.