To ask for gym feedback suggestions?

[Lunar270]

My daughter has started going to the gym over the last year, which is great. We often go together but she also does a lot on her own.

I think we've got a great relationship and talk about all sorts but yesterday was the first time she opened up and told me how much she gets harassed by random men whilst working out. It's getting her down as you'd expect. I was mortified but also annoyed with myself. I spend a fair amount of time on MN so am hardly in the dark about daily crap women go through but think I should've spoke about it sooner.

I'll caveat this post and say I'm not the annoying over protective dad type but am really cross. Not with her obviously but don't quite know what to do (other than supporting her naturally).

I'm genuinely sorry this must be a daily nightmare for a lot of women. My daughter says she would never report for fear of retribution and I completely understand that but feel I would like to feed back to the gym and see if they'll do anything more generally. They already have some anti harassment notices but they're general. They also have adverts above urinals etc but perhaps they should have notices telling men to leave women alone instead.

My daughter is never going to approach the management and I'm sure many women don't either. I don't want to be the "man = fix" guy but would appreciate some suggestions.

Although happy to be told IABU and to keep my nose out.

Thanks.

100% report! Could you get chatting to any of the PTs? They are gossips and it would be round the gym in no time and the offenders dealt with. All of the gyms I have been to would not put up with this at all.

As a mum of adult daughters, and we all attend the same gym, I'd definitely report this to reception, and management (and I'm not an over protective parent either - it can be difficult to have confidence in this type of thing at their ages).

My daughter says she would never report for fear of retribution and I completely understand that
You need to encourage her to report it or the **ers will keep getting away with it! I would be straight to the nearest member of staff if a man harassed me in the gym.

Boys need to be taught from young age about respect and dignity and consent
Girls should be taught about being strong and independent and know what to say when men give them unwanted attention

The world is fucked because parents don't teach this until its too late :(

If she won’t go to management then the gym isn’t going to know there’s a problem and will be congratulating themselves that their signs and notices have been successful.

My gym is hot as anything on reports and trainers proactive about approaching anyone doing anything which even looks like unwanted attention. I’d suggest that as feedback to offer, that many women are going to be reluctant to make a fuss and it might be beneficial to train staff to recognise what unacceptable behaviour looks like and feel empowered to step in.

And whilst yes, we should tell men not to harass women rather than tell women what to do if they’re being harassed, I suspect part of the issue is that some men, particularly younger men, read phrases like “harassment” or “unwanted sexual attention” and don’t think that describes their behaviour or applies to them. I’ve had men sidle up and try to engage me in what I assume they think is flirtation, and I’m old enough and confident enough to say “dude, I’m not looking for a conversation here, I just want to do my sets and go home, can you back off please”; and I’m not convinced they’d match what they’re doing with being told “don’t harass women.”

Perhaps all new joiners at gyms should have to first undergo a questionnaire and test akin to the Burning Man Ten Principles before you can buy a BM ticket, to assess your understanding of what the words actually mean. Suggest that.

Please encourage her to stand up for herself and speak to management. How old is she?

Thanks to all. She's early twenties so not brimming with confidence and the gym has been a good way to improve mental health.

Often is big burly blokes who want a date/flirt and she's well aware of the spurned bloke thing and how it can escalate. So I can understand the reluctance to report but similarly I don't want to teach her that dad will step in and fix things. But naturally I'm happy to talk to the staff.

It's just knowing what's best but appreciate all the suggestions.

Even if she doesn't name specific people, just making the staff aware that there's an issue might make them increase staff visibility and "patrols" on the gym floor. Would she email rather than talking to them?