AIBU to say no?

[Curlygirlmum]

Hi, I live in a studio apartment and the landlord also lives on the property. We thought he would keep to himself but that hasn't happened and unfortunately with the cost of renting we can't afford to move right now.

My boyfriend works very hard and will treat himself occasionally to tools for working on his car. The landlord keeps asking him can he borrow these tools which aren't cheap and thus far has broken one that is £30 and pretended he left it back in shed but didn't (found in rubbish broken), left valuable sockets in rain and they were rusted when given back and another was given back broken this time he just said sorry I broke that but didn't offer to replace. He also told my boyfriend he wasn't allowed work on the car in the yard and insisted on him bringing the car into the garage and then asked him for money for using the garage. My boyfriend instead bought him a tool that he had kept borrowing from him but the landlord a few days later asked for the same tool off my boyfriend and said he didn't know where his one is.

Its getting really annoying now at this point when every time you see him you are asked for something which he doesn't give back willingly either he will have it for days and then you have to go knocking for it back and he almost seems annoyed that you asked. To me I think he feels entitled to our belongings but my boyfriend doesn't want to say no because he's afraid to start drama!

AIBU to tell him he's not allowed borrow our things anymore or will it just stir trouble? Should I say nothing and keep lending?

If the car work is a hobby not a source of income, I’d either stop doing it for now or hardball no every time. Sounds like your boyfriend will find the former easier. And start looking for another place.

Hard to tell whether it’s OK to tell him not to use the “yard” - a yard and free garage space (as in available free, not cost-free!) sounds like you’re on a farm type property? If your boyfriend is frequently using an area you don’t rent for car stuff - and it sounds like a project not an occasional repair - that’s potentially fair enough. Breaking tools - no. What is he breathing? Tools tend to be quite robust!

Presumably you have a proper rental agreement.
If so you have more rights than you realise.
Ll is not allowed to harass you.
Your bf needs to learn boundaries.
No you can't borrow my tools.
As for the garage don't use it.
If the yard is in your contract and you're not blocking access then use it.

Most people who have decent tools learn very quickly that the type of people who borrow another person's tools are often careless with them so break, mistreat or 'lose' them.

YANBU at all to say no, if your boyfriend is unsure of this, he should discuss the matter with an older friend/relative/acquaintance who also has tools, who will undoubtedly have stories about tools that have been lost or damaged by people who have borrowed them.

If your landlord asks you when your DP is not around, just say no, or say that its with him so you can't anyway, or it's in a locked toolbox and you don't have the key.

DP has a lot of tools and won't lend them to anyone except a couple of trusted mates because he's had so many lost or damaged. He won't even lend them to his DB, because he's the worst for it and DP has a long list of things that are missing or broken and the last person who has them was BIL.

Agree to learn firm boundaries and say no to borrowing tools, particularly when he's got form for mistreating them.

The answer is simple "sorry cf landlord we don't lend out things."
Do you have a proper Agreement in place?

Ask for a security deposit - presumably he has one from you for the flat?

The apartment has 1 parking space with it, my boyfriend services the car every 5000km and also had to fix appearance damage that occured in a crash. He only works on it at the weekend and puts a tarp or cardboard down if he's dealing with oil or anything. Any tools he buys are a treat for himself or to specifically do a job and he looks after them very well. I have said to just do the work in the car space in the yard we pay enough rent I think it's ridiculous to have to pay him money to use the garage that he is insisting we use yet my boyfriend has not asked for money to use tools or replace damaged tools. I don't mind being the one to say no but as we have to live here my boyfriend thinks it might cause unnecessary drama!

Yes contract in place but just tricky when you're living on the same property as the landlord. I think even though we are paying rent it's almost like the landlord views it as if they own everything and are entitled to everything because it's their property and more so when they also live right there!

So these are your boyfriends tools and he doesn't want to say no? In which case leave him to it but you don't want to hear him moaning any more when they get broken. He needs to start sticking up for himself you aren't his mum.

How much money did he want to charge him for using the garage? 😳

Your boyfriend needs to practice phrases that he finds easier to say than, “no” - if he can’t say no.

So for the car repairs:
“I don’t want you to work on your car in the yard, but you can use the garage”

• Thanks for the offer - I actually really like the fresh air, so don’t worry!
• Thanks, but I’m all set up here now
• Thanks, but I like to have natural light to check body work
• I find it a bit cramped in there
• Girlfriend can’t be arsed to walk that far with my cup of tea mate, ha ha

As much as it would be a pain in the ass, Is there a family members place he could work on his car in future and perhaps store his tools there?

Then if the landlord asks for the tools he can say he doesn't have them anymore.

These are great 😂 he wanted money per hour he thought a tenner an hour was fair! Boyfriend didn't agree to giving money just kind of said I'll sort you something and bought him a tool partly so he would stop bothering him to borrow his tool but also because he didn't want to start handing over money