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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take DS to A&E?

27 replies

WorriedMum102 · 26/09/2022 23:02

DS is 16, he has ASD and has a lot of suicidal thoughts and anxiety (he is on anti depressants and sees cahms).

I came home from work to him having a meltdown, DP had taken the laptop off of him as he was getting very frustrated with it but DP didn't know why so he told him he was taking it as it was upsetting him, he then had a meltdown, I did manage to calm him down by hugging him and we then went out for a walk which seemed to help so I thought he'd be fine.

At about 10, me and DP told him to go and brush his teeth ready for bed, he refused and this led to another meltdown but he was trying to hit his head on things, punch things, bite and scratch himself, trying to smash his things etc and he saying over and over he wants to die. We managed to stop him and he's currently laying on the floor crying, which isn't ideal I know but we know he's safe and isn't trying to hurt himself anymore and I will go and give him a cuddle in a minute. But he's a danger to himself when he's like this and he's had 2 meltdowns already today so I'm dreading if he has another Sad

I know some people will judge but WIBU if I take him to A&E?

OP posts:
Carrieonmywaywardsun · 26/09/2022 23:06

Yanbu, you and your son need support and that's the quickest route right now. No judgement x

Yupsuuuure · 26/09/2022 23:06

What do you think A&E will be able to do? Not being snarky just if he's currently calming down isn't it better if he stays where he is?

CrookCrane · 26/09/2022 23:08

Only you can judge this OP. Like a PP I’d worry that it’ll just make him worse, but if you think he needs to be there as a place of safety then absolutely take him.

iLovee · 26/09/2022 23:08

Oh OP my heart goes out to you and your son! What a stressful situation! I would go to A&E but it is currently a 8 hour wait at my local one so it might be easier for sensory overload at home if you are able to keep him (and you!) safe. 💐

QuestionableMouse · 26/09/2022 23:08

I'm normally one to say head to A&E but I'm not sure it's the best bet in this case. You'll be waiting ages, in uncomfortable surroundings.

Can you leave him alone in the room if he's safe?

Signeduptosimplyreplytothis · 26/09/2022 23:09

Can you call 111 option 2 (mental health crisis number) and ask for advice? It may well be A&E is the right place but could he go into sensory overload if you take him? Wondering if going via 111 may keep him out of the sensory hell that is the waiting room

What is his crisis management plan?

ove · 26/09/2022 23:10

I would say do whatever is going to keep you and your child safe. No matter what method that that is you know your child best.

What has helped this situation in the past?

Has A&E helped before?

I feel for you and your family x

MbatataOwl · 26/09/2022 23:11

A and E won't be able to do anything. He'll just end up waiting hours to be told CAMHS will be in touch.

Whatdayisittodayhelp · 26/09/2022 23:13

If he’s under cahms ring your local crisis team. He will be seen in adult a&e with him being 16 and the waiting times are really long and to be honest unless he has self harmed they will say to speak to gp. Take care

GobbolinoTheWitchesCat · 26/09/2022 23:19

CrookCrane · 26/09/2022 23:08

Only you can judge this OP. Like a PP I’d worry that it’ll just make him worse, but if you think he needs to be there as a place of safety then absolutely take him.

I agree. Do what you feel you need to, op no judgement here only good wishes

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 26/09/2022 23:19

I know waiting in A&E would absolutely be last resort for one of my Autistic DC, an outing he's not prepared for to a place he's not familiar with, bright lights, lots of people, noise, would be more things he'd struggle to cope with and another meltdown likely.

LakeIsle48 · 26/09/2022 23:22

I am very sorry to hear you are going through a difficult time. My DD was suicidal for a while and I know how painful it is to see anyone in that level of distress. Time went on despite everything and there were good ish times and awful times but time did pass by. I really know how you are feeling. Obviously everyone is different. My DD got help from our local mental health team and the practitioners were great. Things improved bit by bit with a few steps forward and a few steps backward. We got used to the mood fluctuations and we learned how to stay calm. Sometimes I pretended I was calm, it was an Oscar winning performance from me but we did learn not to freak out. This has been going on for a number of years and I don't panic so much as before.

I really hope things improve for your family. No doubt mums and dads worry themselves sick but time passing did help and to be honest I am not so scared anymore.

Best wishes to you and your family x

IncessantNameChanger · 26/09/2022 23:30

No judgement from me either.

Do you think he's close to exhausting himself? Sometimes for my kids they wring themselves out and once exhausted it's all emptied out. Not ideal but after epic meltdowns they was calm after for quite a while as there's nothing left to get out.

PutinSmellsPassItOn · 26/09/2022 23:31

My ds also has Autism and really struggled at this age, he almost ended up under hospital care under section.

Apparently they have a hormone surge around now, its particularly problematic with people who have Autism and can cause huge issues with aggression. My advice would be to push for support with his disability nurse if he has one and the mental health team. Do not take no for an answer, we are extremely lucky to still have our lovely boy at home with us, if it wasn't for an locum psychologist who stepped in and his disability nurse helping us ride out the storm and get funding for courses to help us we wouldn't have had such a good outcome.

Veganwolf · 26/09/2022 23:33

Do you have an out of hours mental health contact or the number for the crisis team? They may be best placed to help

A&E may mean a long wait and potentially cause more meltdowns, however you know your child best

Always4Brenner · 26/09/2022 23:34

Can’t offer advice no children but hope he’s feeling better soon it’s difficult at this age hope your ok too hug.

Zoopzoop · 26/09/2022 23:37

Ring your local NHS crisis line. They will be able to advise you - sometimes people come out to see you or will just help you utilise what you have at home.

I’ve worked in mental health before and have seen a lot of people coming into A&E before - you are his mum, you will know deep down whether you need to go. You do what you need to do.

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 26/09/2022 23:38

No judgement at all! But as many others have said, all the people I know who have autism would just have a meltdown in A&E.

id leave him where he is and hope he goes to sleep & when he does put blankets over him and I'd sleep on the sofa

Hope you have a peaceful night xx

OutDamnedSpot · 26/09/2022 23:40

I have a son who sounds similar and A&E definitely wouldn’t be the right place for him when he’s in a heightened state. Can you make yourselves safe tonight (sleep in his room, allow him to sleep in yours?) then call your GP for an ‘urgent for today’ appt first thing?

<<<<hugS>>>

OldTinHat · 26/09/2022 23:42

Call the crisis team and just hold him. He'll want his mum, support and security. Not being dragged off to A&E.

Sending you unmumnetty hugs.

IdisagreeMrHochhauser · 26/09/2022 23:42

Honestly I wouldn't. I'm autistic and I work in mental health and I don't think MH services are equipped or knowledgeable enough to deal with youngsters who are overwhelmed. A&E is loud and bright and the worst sensory place to be.

If you are confident that you can keep him safe then he's probably better off in his own environment.

Cw112 · 27/09/2022 00:40

A+e won't be able to help unless he's an immediate danger to himself or others which I'm taking from your post that he isn't right now? I would ring the gp in the morning and request an urgent referral for a camhs mental health assessment and refer to the adolescent disability team if you haven't already. A and e will probably be a difficult environment for him as well and may end up escalating things. The gp may be able to do something to help temporarily while you wait on appointments. Hope he starts to settle soon that sounds so stressful for you all him included.

Original poster
WorriedMum102 · 27/09/2022 16:11

Thanks for your replies everyone, I did manage to calm him down and get him settled to sleep. I did call the GP but they weren't much help, they said id get a callback but I haven't. He does seem a bit better today and calmer, we've had a chilled day at home of him doing his own thing which seems to have helped

OP posts:
CrookCrane · 27/09/2022 16:34

Glad he’s a bit better today OP. I hope you get some support for you both very soon.

Original poster
WorriedMum102 · 27/09/2022 17:06

DS does have an appointment with cahms at the end of October, it's a medication review but will mention this then, I would try and get it sooner but I doubt they'd have an appointment earlier and if they do we might have to get public transport as DP might be working, DS is fine on public transport I just don't like going out alone with him

OP posts:
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