Lack of empathy

[Sandswept]

AIBU for finding it irritating that my OH never rubs my feet back etc when I am in pain? I have plantar fasciitis and asked for him to squeeze it and try to help as it was so painful and he limply holds his hand there whilst looking at his phone. Literally never tries to help me. When I was pregnant/had babies was much the same with back pain etc.
I just find he lacks empathy with anything wrong with me at all.

Bit rude when I'm simply answering your question with an alternative view.

I'll bow out, enjoy your thread.

I can empathise with you OP. It's just about being caring and listening to your concerns isn't it? You don't like the way he appears to reluctantly do it whilst looking at his phone, when you're in such a pain.

What kind of favours does he ask you? Maybe you can do it single-handedly whilst looking at your phone 😉 and then he might get the message.

He should be more caring I meant, all these married people on here saying they wouldn’t touch their husbands feet they wouldn’t touch their husbands back why did you marry these men? Lol I used to love giving all my exes foot massages And used to make sure they washed their feet first!

@Everylittlethingsgonnabealright I’d probably be coping the same as I am now seeing as I get no help from my partner… just minus the upset and annoyance by lack of said help.

no- but I also don’t attack people on threads who are asking for a bit of kindness with opinion.

I have to say @useraname that that has been my thought too!!!!

I have don't think this is about feet, and whether you like them or not.
You are absolutely not being unreasonable to wish someone would meet your needs, once in a while. Which I suspect is what all this is about.

Sorry meant to say that he should be more caring not you..
My ex was an abusive bastard but even he rubbed my back when I was pregnant
He sounds very on sympathetic toward you and your feelings when you are on well that’s not the way a husband / partner / boyfriend should behave And he shouldn’t be scrolling down his phone whilst half-heartedly massaging you with one hand -either he does it or he doesn’t, it’s Just rude.
How would he like it if you were Unsympathetic to him ?
The fact that he didn’t help you when you were pregnant either.. This has nothing to do with him likin feet or not.. You have already said he has no problem with touching feet so maybe I think it’s time to sit down and talk to him about the way he is carrying on

Thank you @Banana2079

I'm in same position @Sandswept. It sucks.

Going against the grain but I think if a man posted that his wife wasn’t physically comforting him on demand and he was getting ‘irritated’ by the lack of ‘empathy’, it would be a slightly different set of responses on here.

OP I think you probably need to look into the benefits of ibuprofen, have fun with your DH and stop expecting him to be a nursemaid and physical therapist.

I wouldn't bother getting advice from MN with their cold and robotic marriages full of self-serving acts and zero expectation..

I would be upset too if the man who is supposed to love me more than anyone else on the planet couldn't even be bothered to relieve my pain, as I would for him.

It wouldn’t kill him to make an effort to do something to comfort you when you’re in pain, whatever the cause.

Given his lack of interest I’d invest in whatever tools will do the job best.

People express affection and care in different ways. If being tactile is important to you, it would have been better to choose a partner who expresses themselves this way naturally. I don't think you can grumble that you're being deprived of an essential right if you didn't check for compatibility in the first place.

However, you could try explaining to OH that loving touch is sonething you like and need generally, not just as foreplay, and asking him to try. Explain when is good eg. feeling poorly, and show him how to touch you, and what makes you feel cared for. Good luck OP, I hope he is receptive!

Alternatively, he may be a selfish uncaring arse in this and other ways, and you should assemble the wildfowl ...

I really feel for you OP. He sounds like a selfish arse to be honest. He should at least try and do something to ease your discomfort, but his abject failure to do so, would really make me wonder whether he's the right man for me. Assuming of course that you do actually tell him what you would like/need him to do, and aren't just expecting him to read your mind. Hate how everyone jumps in to be horrible on threads like this, where's your empathy ladies?

Just read everyone else's comments! So, for a bit of balance, if I was sitting having a cup of tea with you OP, and you said your feet were sore, I would absolutely offer you a foot rub. However, I tend towards tactile, and comfort with my own body and other people's, and while I don't know anything much about plantar fasciitis, I'm quite happy to ask for and follow instructions. Touch is such basic yet powerful care - for some people.

Just ask your OH for what you want and need, cleanly and directly. If your relationship is generally sound, he will be happy to learn; or you will accept his no, and meet this need in another way, whether foam rollers or massages or tactile friends. If it is part of a larger problem, well, you will know that too, and be able to make plans.

ps. to feet everywhere ~ you are amazing structures which deserve care and respect. Don't listen to the haters!