To ask if this sounds like a nervous breakdown

[tothinkimhaving]

NC for this, possibly outing even with the name change.

27, history of mental illness including bipolar disorder and OCD. Bipolar disorder has been stable for a long time with medication,

My OCD has been crippling for the past year with intrusive thoughts and rumination. It’s now got to a point where I am having intrusive and obsessive thoughts from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep and no amount of distracting or medication is helping. It’s really distressing and I’m getting chronic headaches from the amount of pressure the thoughts are putting me under the the amount of time and energy I’m putting into trying to fight them.

I am having daily breakdowns, crying excessively and constant anxiety attacks with heart palpitations and running hot and cold. My thoughts give me constant anxiety attacks which is exhausting.

I have had CBT in the past and am trying my best to use those methods but these thoughts are too strong to cope with.

I’m struggling to work and I run my own business so this is not ideal. I took the whole week off last week because I couldn’t physically work. My head doesn’t shut up and it’s constant trying to reassure myself and then the ‘what ifs’ set in and send me into a panic.

I have broken down to my partner on multiple occasions this week, I have just been on the bed for an hour physically shaking unable to stop, feeling like I’m going to throw up.

I don’t think the fact work has been manic lately has helped and has really burnt me out.

I’m having serious suicidal thoughts and I haven’t made any plans but they are overwhelming me.

I called my CMHT and they say there’s not much they can do other than adjust my medication and I’m expecting a call back tomorrow.

I don’t know what to do but this doesn’t feel right at all. I don’t know how much longer I can go on like this and I feel at a point where I am losing myself completely to this

Ask for crisis team referral maybe?

I'm sorry you are going through this OP. I had similar issues recently and found Sertaline and support from friends and family helped massively (doing ok now). Everyone is different and meds are not a silver bullet but talk to your GP asap and seek support wherever you can.
You are not alone x

The only thing that helps me when I'm that bad is Venlafaxine, Lorazapam, and being hospitalised

I take it you've been on the same meds for a while then? Maybe time for a switch up.
Im assuming you also have a prn but it's not working either?
Doesn't sound like nervous breakdown level yet but maybe will get there with no change or intervention.

I have diazepam as a PRN but only 7 tablets a month and it’s not doing anything for me. I don’t know whether to ask for the crisis team

Yes ask for the Crisis Team. It doesn’t matter how this is labelled, it’s clear you are really struggling.

If diazepam is having no effect then yes, talk to the crisis team straight away. Anxiety is awful, its no way to live.

call the crisis team now x

No advice but just wanted to say sorry you're going through this. Anxiety is awful. I'm on Sertraline and never ever want to feel like I used to before I went on it. I hope you find something that helps. For me when I was at my worst i needed lots of distractions so would watch TV, do a craft like painting by numbers and talk to a friend on the phone all at the same time! Only thing that drowned out my thoughts. Is there something you can do that will occupy your thoughts like that?

@tothinkimhaving
I too am so very sorry that you are feeling so terrible.
You mention that you've had CBT in the past.
Your post suggests strongly that you are now in something of a crisis situation, and I sincerely hope you can get some appropriate help asap.
I'm not an expert on anything, 'though I've had episodes of crippling depression in the past.
I'm just wondering if you have ever had, or would consider, having some deeper psychotherapy to maybe explore what could be the underlying causes of your very real distress? (You would probably have to seek this out privately, which of course has to be paid for).
I'm talking about when, I sincerely hope, you get to a point where you feel you can cope with life, not now, when you are obviously in such a bad place.
CBT can be helpful, but I'm just wondering if you would benefit from something more explorative and, admittedly, intense.
These are just my thoughts, and please feel free to tell me I sound like an amateur therapist, and tell me I'm talking rubbish. I would not be offended, honestly

Absolutely call the crisis team. It would be great if you could take some time off work and totally forget about it for a while but since you're self employed I assume that isn't possible? You don't have a manager who could run things for a month or two? It's good you are posting, we are all here listening and as someone who has suffered from intrusive thoughts and rumination I understand completely. Mine almost sent me over the age, I felt like my brain was attacking itself, it was the worst thing ever and I'm so sorry you are going through this. But it will get better. With the right help and support, medication and rest. Please get in touch with the crisis team, this is a crisis and they would rather you phone.

i don’t have any amazing words of wonder but just sympathy as I know how horrendous ocd is. 10 years ago I was suicidal over it and it dictated my whole life. You’re doing the right thing by posting. You can feel better with the right support.

This sounds like me in my late 20s/ early 30s. I have had OCD for nearly 40 years and the worst thoughts were the harm OCD ones which I have had intermittently since 1995. I still suffer with them in times of stress but since starting Venlafaxine in 2000 they are less horrific. Please see someone as soon as you can to sort out meds to help. Stress and tiredness exacerbate these thoughts greatly, as I'm sure you know.

Thank you everyone for your kind messages and support. I heard from the CMHT today and they are upping my lurasidone and I have asked for extra diazepam as my PRN is only 7 tablets a month. I’m waiting to hear back to see if this is okay.

Feeling a bit more focused on work today and it’s helping to distract me, and I have a therapist call at 1:30pm as I have this every Tuesday.

Fingers crossed tonight is a better night.

Sorry to read this, OP. I have experienced much the same and under those circumstances went into hospital voluntarily while my medication was sorted out and I was able to get a bit of rest, piece and quiet - well, as much as you can have on a busy psych ward. Thinking of you xxx

Thank you. The last thing I want is to be hospitalised as I don’t think that’ll be helpful, I just need some extra support at the minute I think and a proper medication review. My next appointment is 11th November and they won’t bring it forward.

They have given me 7 extra tablets of diazepam though so hopefully that’ll help in the meantime.

Ask your GP for a referral for therapy - either talking therapy or CBT again. I know there are waiting lists but if you do that and in the meantime BREATHE!! Sadly help like that through the NHS is only short term, but as others have suggested perhaps you can contact your local MH crisis team or even go to A&E to get help.
All MH issues are difficult to deal with, and intrusive thoughts can be particularly difficult. What is important is that you don't just struggle through this on your own. Until something else is in place remember that there are phone help lines that can support you in "the moment".