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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Swimming lessons and phones

25 replies

Eslteacher06 · 26/09/2022 19:25

So DD6 goes to swimming lessons every week in a local pool. There are signs saying "no photos".

Today, I saw one of the mums on FaceTime and pointing the camera to the kids in the pool. I reminded her that photos were not allowed, and she said she was on a phone call. The woman next to her also said that. While I didn't agree, I thought that would be the end of it.

After a few minutes, the mum pointed the camera again to the pool. I ask her to stop and she told me she wasn't videoing or taking pictures so it was fine. Apparently my kid was far away from hers so it was acceptable. I told her to not point the camera to the pool again and eventually would ask management to come and remind her what was acceptable and she said "do that".

I got management, who said they would sort it. By the time I got back, the woman had stopped the call so he just stood there and said nothing. I appreciate he can't say anything because he didn't see it himself. He said after that there was no policy for video calls like this, so wasn't sure if it was unacceptable

After the lesson, a father who had witnessed the situation was still there. I asked him, what did he think. He said I was unreasonable. I honestly can't understand why???

I'm not scarred for life or anything, but I had no idea who she was showing the kids, and she could screenshot the image if she wanted to. Plus they were in swimming gear. What if one of the kids were under social services or something?

So would you say it is acceptable to point the camera to children in a pool when on FaceTime?

OP posts:

GloriousGlory · 26/09/2022 19:30

I think your anxiety is a little over the top. You should've just alerted the centre staff.

LucyInTheSkyWithDiamond · 26/09/2022 19:33

I do think that's quite weird of her tbh and I wouldn't be thrilled about someone using video call and pointing the phone at my dc. I'm sure it was all perfectly innocent though.

I had a similar sort of thing where there was a man on his own in a hotel pool with his phone. Not on the side or anything, but standing right in the pool. It was really strange.

The staff just said they couldn't do anything as he wasn't taking pictures. It did look as if he was just reading an article, but he was clearly pointing the phone about as if taking a video while there were kids having their swim lesson.

I'm not paranoid about that sort of thing, but it did just give me the creeps. Something felt off about it. Considering I'm not even allowed to hold my phone when I go into my dc's primary school, it's hard to know what is acceptable with phones around kids you don't know

Original poster

Eslteacher06 · 26/09/2022 19:34

I wish I had done that too now as she would've been caught. I honestly thought it was an oversight on her part but clearly not.

OP posts:

candycaneframe · 26/09/2022 19:36

Well she was following policy

She wasn't taking a photo

The manager said there was no policy around video calls

So YABU

Original poster

Eslteacher06 · 26/09/2022 19:38

I know she was definitely showing the kids cause she was say "oh look at my little cherub go. Isn't she amazing" or words to that effect. It was blaring loud too.

As said, at first I just thought it was an oversight, so I know nothing malicious was intended. It was just the defiance when I asked her to stop that shocked me.

But totally get why irhat situation gave you the creeps @LucyInTheSkyWithDiamond

OP posts:

Nixbox · 26/09/2022 19:38

I was at Legoland and they have a no phones rule at their splash park. Doesn’t matter if you are taking photos or making a call - no phones at all. Whistles blown, fingers pointed etc until the phone is away.

SparrowsNest · 26/09/2022 19:39

Poolside viewing area at our leisure centre is now a mobile phone free zone due to issues such as this.

FlissyPaps · 26/09/2022 19:39

I’m guessing she was on FaceTime to a close friend or family member so would just be showing them her children. I doubt something very sinister would come of it, and the person on the other end of the call probably would’ve give two shits about looking at any of the other children. They’re probably just wanting to see their friends/families child.

Sounds a bit OTT to go over and ask a complete stranger about their opinion. All you can do is raise it to management and the swimming instructors and let them deal with it.

Children are always going to be in the background of photos/videos/FaceTimes at places like swimming lessons, parks, fun fairs, seaside, etc…

declutteringmymind · 26/09/2022 19:42

I think you're correct to raise the issue actually. People can screen record calls so it is potentially photography.

I would absolutely suggest to management that video calls are also forbidden.

It also will protect people like that lady who might potentially get accused of something.

lunar1 · 26/09/2022 19:42

If you'd have just quietly reported her at our pool, they would have gone up immediately and she'd have been banned from the centre. They have an absolute zero tolerance policy, it's not the responsibility of leisure centre workers to figure out the motive of everybody who does it, it's a blanket ban, no second chances.

Original poster

Eslteacher06 · 26/09/2022 19:43

@FlissyPaps As mentioned, I didn't think anything sinister was happening. Of course there are times your kid gets into shot of videos. But if I ask you to stop, you don't think that's reasonable? That's what surprised me

OP posts:

ReeseWitherfork · 26/09/2022 19:45

Tricky one, I’m inclined to be on your side here as always best to err on the side of caution and I hate oversharing, but actually I don’t think I could be upset by this. Photos and videos could end up anywhere. A FaceTime call is just a call, surely, can’t be shared anywhere else i.e. uploaded to some sort of social media? It’s actually probably quite a nice way of showing off her kids swimming lessons to someone who couldn’t be there (literally no different than if they were also sat poolside).

candycaneframe · 26/09/2022 19:46

Eslteacher06 · 26/09/2022 19:43

But you had no right to ask her to stop

That's why she didn't

She wasn't breaking the rules

declutteringmymind · 26/09/2022 19:51

@ReeseWitherfork I think you can record or screen shot a facetime call

Clymene · 26/09/2022 19:51

She wasn't taking photos though. She was FaceTiming.

Original poster

Eslteacher06 · 26/09/2022 19:51

@candycaneframe Phones are not banned from public places, but more often than not they are banned from poolside areas.

Regardless, why did I not have a right to ask her to stop?

I wonder if the answer would be different if a man did this?

OP posts:

Ein · 26/09/2022 19:53

declutteringmymind · 26/09/2022 19:42

I think you're correct to raise the issue actually. People can screen record calls so it is potentially photography.

I would absolutely suggest to management that video calls are also forbidden.

It also will protect people like that lady who might potentially get accused of something.

Agree with this.

It would be much simpler to have a no phones policy at poolside.

I think you acted well.

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 26/09/2022 19:54

What's the point of having a no photo policy if you can't police it? So you can't take a picture but you can do a vide call? What's the point of no pictures then? Surely you can just video instead? Or are you only allowed video if it's across a network and not onto the memory of your phone?

Darbs76 · 26/09/2022 19:57

I personally couldn’t get upset about it if it was obvious she’s just on a video call to a family member.

Jojobees · 26/09/2022 19:59

Wave power( swim England safeguarding body) have very clear guidance on this issue.
Can you email the swim instructor and let them know. They will be able to deal with the parent themselves, as video calling is specifically mentioned.

YANBU at all, there was a thread recently where several people admitted that relatives and close friends had been convicted of CSO and they had no idea. Kids in costumes should not be filmed.

Giraffimals · 26/09/2022 20:00

Wow what a coincidence almost this exact thing happened in almost this exact order of events to my DSIL a couple of years ago, only she doesn’t have kids and the phone was just out poolside. Only in the version she told us, she made the child cry and had an argument with the parents. She was being quite unreasonable. I can’t see past that version of the story to decide if this variation is unreasonable.

dizzydizzydizzy · 26/09/2022 20:04

I'm a lifeguard.

I would have told her to stop. Photography and filming are not allowed in swimming pools. A video call comes to much the same
Thing.

Original poster

Eslteacher06 · 26/09/2022 20:09

@Giraffimals Not sure what you mean. Your DSIL was facetiming? No kids were crying in my version

@Jojobees Good shout. I'll pass that onto the centre manager, as she was not sure where they stood.

And next time I'm directly going to the manager. I just thought by reminding her what she was doing was not on, she'd be reasonable. As said, her reaction is what upset me more

OP posts:

malmi · 26/09/2022 20:09

Using facetime is taking photos, it takes 30 photos per second and transmits them to the other person. That's what video is. Whether they store the photos or not is up to them.

lannistunut · 26/09/2022 20:18

I would email the lesson provider and say the policy needs to be clarified/reviewed. In future report straight away.

Our swim school has no mobiles at poolside for this reason, because ut is ambiguous otherwise. There is always some twat who is not 'technically; breaking the rules but is making others feel uncomfortable.

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