To tell my 8 yo I don't like his new route to school?

[Undecidedandtorn]

I split from my ex a couple of years ago and moved out of the family home June this year. I have my 2 boys (8 and 15) 50/50. My new house is a bus ride from school - I was using the bus that stops right outside of school but as its a small bus recently there have been times that it's too full and doesn't stop which made us late.

So I have been getting another bus - it's bigger and quicker but there is a 10 minute walk at the end. There are a few different ways we could do that walk but the 8 yo has insisted that we walk past his dad's house (the old family home) which I find a bit upsetting. Should I tell him this and see if we can go another way? I do go back to my exs place sometimes so can't really say why it bothers me so much.

I think taking all emotion out of this, it isn’t unreasonable to dictate which way you walk as you are the adult and he is the child. Having said that, I assume the reason he wants to walk past it is because it was/is his family home and it’s probably comforting for him. So you may need to suck it up and do this for your son (speaking as a child of divorce whose emotions were often minimised).

I absolutely think you can tell him that you would rather eat a different way and why. Keep it contained but explain it makes you feel a bit sad when you see the house. Say it's ok to be sad, but seeing it every day would be too much for you. If he has a reason for wanting to go that way (quote possibly because he does get to see the house), validate that. Maybe you can do a 50/50 split in the route

I would tell him that you want to go another way because it is quicker or safer. I wouldn't make it into a big thing about the house.

He must be a bit sad

Thanks for your responses. I don't think he will buy that the other route is quicker as I already tried that. I don't want to minimise his feelings at all and although on the surface he seems OK there has been the odd moment that shows he isn't and is sad.

I think this is one of those occasions where you need to put your big girl pants on and put your kid first. Don't tell him and desensitise yourself by walking past it. It's just bricks and mortar.

Does he still live there? He might think your stalking him

Can you just take it in turns to choose the route and say Monday we walk your choice and Tuesday we walk mine then Wednesday yours etc.

Yeah do this