If your parent lives close by how often do you speak to eachother, visit eachother? My DF is 80 and has become needier and needier, he lives 5 mins walk away and from post lockdown has taken to just turning up at any time of the day. I WFH and tell him I'm busy but it doesn't deter him. I know he's bored and has nothing else to do. He's a very fit 80 year old with a wife 14 years his junior so is perfectly capable. I've asked him to text me when he's coming but he refuses point blank to inform me when he's turning up. It's really annoying because I constantly think, will he turn up today? Should I start this job or will I be interrupted? He comes over and literally just plonks himself down and if I don't stop to chat with him (about the weather normally) and carry on working (and tell him I'm busy! ) he'll stick the telly on and just sit there. I'm introverted and find small talk draining and need my me time, it's really affecting me but I don't want to tell him outright because he's like a big baby and will literally just sulk and not speak to me if I was to say anything. On the days that he doesn't come over he will ring me about the most simple of things - the other day I was working until late on a project (he knew I was busy as I had told him numerous times) He called in the morning because he needed some icing sugar, I popped over with it and said I couldn't stay because I was busy (I dropped it off because otherwise he'd just come over and stay a while, at least that way I was in control), then he came over anyway later that afternoon so I could sample his baking!. (he tends to try and make up any excuse to come and visit, but then just sits there). Even later that evening 8pm Friday (I'm still working!!) he calls me and asks how he goes about returning something on Amazon for his wife!! FFS - am I being mean or is this too much and how do I approach this. I think I must have been quite curt on our last phonecall because I've not heard from him all weekend!
For background, he wasn't very present as I was growing up , and I don't know if he's trying to make up for lost time or he's just relying on me too much and wants to have me as a PA, entertainment when bored, general help and hes pathing the way for me to be at his beck and call in his old age. I'm a single parent and when I have been in a relationship his visits became very rare!! I have one other sibling abroad and one other fairly locally but he doesn't speak to them.
YABU - he's your dad, have a heart
YANBU - It's too much, put up some boundaries!