Suicide worry

[Rosaofthevalley]

I’m really really concerned for a friend. I feel like I’m watching a slow motion car crash and I just don’t know what to do or what, if anything I can do to help.

She’s in a mentally and financially abusive relationship. He is incredibly controlling. She is not really allowed friends or to have unsupervised contact with anyone. He is her boss, her husband and the father of her kids. Her family think he’s wonderful and that she is mentally unstable.

She has history for lying about her whereabouts and having complete meltdowns, verbal and physical towards him and for this he and her family jump to trying to get her sectioned, medicated etc.

Having been in a similar situation but got out I have been the only one to pick up on the constant digs, control and his narcissistic behaviour. I can see how all of her behaviour is a result of being trapped in a hellish situation.

My concern is that I genuinely think she is either going to commit suicide or murder him if she doesn’t get out. But as she’s trapped how on earth does she get out with the kids. He has enough ‘proof’ to take the kids if she leaves. She has no money, no job, and nowhere to live. Is there anything I can do to help. She also trusts no one (including me) as she doesn’t think anyone genuinely believes her.

Good god, what a terrible situation.

Do you know her family, can you talk to them about your concerns making sure you are supplying proof as in an accurate account of several situations where you've witnessed abusive behaviour?

Really she needs to speak to a woman's organisation who should be able to advise her.

Obviously unless the husband is a risk to the kids there is no reason he shouldn't get custody, would she be well and able to care for them if she left? Presumably she'd still be very fragile for quite a while.

Do bare in mind you won't have a full picture. It's perfectly possible that she's both in an abusive relationship AND may still have MH problems which require medication or even sectioning.

You can't really do much for her unless she wants help. If you passed on a number to her would she even call?

A lot to unpack and there are so many different factors... Awful situation to be aware of personally.

If it were me I like to think I would let her know that I was there for her, she can live with me for as long as she needs to get on her own feet, she wouldn't need to worry about money, she does have another option. She can call anytime and I'll be there.

If she's open to your help then obviously could council or support to building her own 'evidence', putting her own money aside.

It sounds like you're sure that he's the abuser, obviously i've nothing to the contrary but have you see direct evidence of this? It's possible that a MH difficulty has changed her perspective on his actions/is feeling persecuted? Just something to consider.

There are resources re mental health though IAPT - google IAPT + your local area to see resources. It's adult mental health support and you can normally self refer into talking therapies in your area without need to go via GP. Simple and confidential. It may be previous experience has put her off this not sure if the getting sectioned comment was in regard to an insult people through around or whether she's prev been involved with MH services.

Thank you. I’ve tried to make her aware that I’m here for her but I know she won’t feel she can trust that.
I know the family really well and they’re lovely and well meaning but just really really don’t seem to see it. The problem is that the abuse is so subtle and has been constant so much so that nobody seems to see it until she has some huge reaction. I’m only aware of it having been in exactly this situation myself and being made out to be the ‘crazy’ one. To me his backhanded comments and the way she flinches every time he speaks are just huge red flags.
I do think there are probably some MH issues that are being exacerbated by being in such a toxic relationship but she feels stuck.
What numbers would be helpful?