AIBU to pick your dress code brains?

[Urrgggghhhhhhh]

I never attended a private school and am from a working class background. We have just enrolled DS in a lovely pre-prep that he adores and we've been invited to "an evening reception" that involves "drinks and nibbles". No further information to gauge and no dress code given. What on earth should I wear to this? Is it a business-wear situation or a formal evening wear or would jeans be ok? Cocktail dresses or evening gowns or should I just rock up in my gym wear because that's what everyone wears to pick-up/drop-off? What about for DH? Jeans and a casual shirt? Or a work suit? Or an evening suit? (Yes, I'm overthinking this).

Anyone attended one of these kind of events or work in a private school that has these and know what attire is appropriate? I feel like, even if I ask the school, I'll get a response like "formal wear" or "smart-casual" which doesn't really actually help me at all.

How about a Boden dress?

I work in a private school - most people come in their work wear or normal day clothes. No dressing up.

It would not be unreasonable to check the dress code with whoever invited, or one of the teachers.

I would suggest not jeans or gym wear, but not cocktail/formal wear.

Shirt and trousers for DH, and dress or trousers and top for you. Would that be doable?

No dressing up.

Nothing with snot or sick on it.

Jeans and smart top or casual dress with ankle boots/trainers I would think.

Men would be chinos and a shirt.

My DDs went to a private school and the parents mostly dressed down to such occasions. It was a big farming community though.

Just wear what you feel comfortable in.

@VerveClique Nothing with snot or sick on it.
I have a 3yo and a newborn - I don't think such an item of clothing exists! Haha

I used to go straight from work, so a suit. I never felt out of place (dress wise, anyway).

There will be a mix. Some people will come from work in formal office wear. Other people will be in smart jeans. And everything in between. That's how it would be at my daughter's school anyway.

I'd wear what I wear to the office (but clean for the evening) so that level of smart

Judging by what parents wore at my school, the uniform seemed to be chinos/casual jackets and open-necked shirts with smart brogue-type shoes for men (not trainers), and dresses and smart blazer type jackets for women.

Went to a very similar event last week - women were mostly in smart trousers with blouses or smartish tops. A few dresses, but more day dresses rather than formal dresses. Basically what they wore to the office that day.

same for men - some in chinos and shirts/polo shirts, some in suits.

definitely no gym wear!

I'd expect it to be, as said at the outset, Boden dresses, then some in Reiss/Jaeger from work, the usually wearing gymwear ones would be in a mixture of frocks and designer jeans with an expensive top and shoes/boots, with Dads mostly in shirt (Joules, tattersalls) and trousers rather than Savile Row suits, maybe a cashmere jumper, a very occasional rugby top and expensive jeans, no straight off site in hi vis and workboots, though.

So pretty much usual daywear, plus a few not quite in their school gate choices.

My money's on 90% being a variation upon the shirt, jumper and trousers with some mid range daytime frocks. And then there will be somebody who turns up straight from dealing with the horses and putting the chickens to bed, covered in labrador and lurcher hair and a gilet with unidentifiable stains on it, not really giving a shit what anybody else thinks of them.

This doesn't bode well. I'm on mat leave at the moment so my "workwear" is firmly in the hoody-and-DH's-boxers vibe. Could I put on a suit and pretend I just came straight from the office haha? My jeans are from ASOS for £12 - expensive jeans are made for models and I am not a model. Dresses don't suit me unless they're bodycon style so wouldn't be appropriate - I tend to wear leggings on the day-to-day. DH has loads of, and looks wonderful in, all the men's outfits described so thank you all for that - at least he's very well sorted!

Last similar event I went to wore black Boden slim trousers. Flat patent black boots and a long alleged patterned t shirt.
I had come from a meeting though.
DD wore smart jeans, a polo shirt and brogues
Our school isn’t very posh

How long do you have until the event?

If you have time to order something new, I'd suggest that you get a slightly smarter pair of jeans (darker denim) and some sort of nice long sleeved top- not a Breton top but can still be comfortable rather than a blouse, if you see what I mean. Wear with ankle boots or leather shoes, not trainers, but not necessarily heels.

So where like Next should have plenty to choose from, you really don't need to worry about buying anything expensive.

I'm impressed that you could "only" suit a bodycon dress though- surely if one of those suits you, anything will!

Dark trousers and a nicer top with flats or a simple dress.

Thinking of my MIL she'd wear cut off chinos with a nice jumper and soft trainers

I feel your pain OP.

DD goes to a prep school, I did not. I'm not sure if our school is reflective of the norm, but here's the type of thing I'd expect to see at such an event:

Black leggings/skinny jeans and a long black jumper with Chelsea boots. Often with some sort of statement jewlery.

As above, but a boxy cashmere jumper and those Gucci shell-toe trainers that fancy mums often have.

Patterned knee length dress with loafers and a boxy cardi.

Nice jeans or tapered trousers, white shirt, long blazer, loafers or brogues.

Nice jeans, silk shirt.

Tailored t-shirt and box pleat skirt.

Accessories are usually understated. Black or tan bag. Normal daytime jewelry (occasional pearls).

Definitely don't wear gym clothes or leggings.

For our kids prep evening receptions when they started I wore a nice midi dress and heels, DH wore a suit.

It's not as dressy as their end of year parents balls, if yours has them, those are a nightmare to dress for as it's black tie.

Is it a “meet the teachers and other parents” type thing or a “autumn ball” type?

I guess it depends on the type of private school but at ours it’s just whatever you’ve worn to work / jeans and a nice jumper / top if the former and proper dress up at the latter.

The only designed thing I own is handbags and my jeans are from next - never felt out of place - in fact I’ve found the mums (me included) don’t seem too bothered by fancy clothes - we are quite rural though if that makes a difference.

Just be you

Definitely not leggings.

Jeans and a smart top and nice shoes would be fine.

What would you wear for a nice pub meal with your friends? I suspect that's what you need