Mother-in-law and my fussy eater

[2022Mum1]

We’re living with Inlaws at the moment for the next few months and every dinner time is so stressful. I have a very fussy eater who will only have foods consisting on pasta/rice for dinner. So today I made steamed broccoli, salmon and pasta. Mother-in-law comes in tutting saying “pasta again”. I’m really stressed. I can’t handle this anymore. I’m finding myself telling my DD off and trying to get her to eat food that’s not pasta or rice but she gets upset so do I. I’m at my wits end, she’s making me feel like a bad mother and constantly interfering and being critical at meal times. I’m feeling really low. I’ve started taking antidepressants too since living here and feel like hell.

DD’s new school is not helping either. They’re all a tight knit group and we’ve started in year 2, I’ve tried to get out of the house and arrange play dates but responses have been cold and obvious that they’re busy. One suggested we meet in half term which is over a month away. I’m feeling so low and depressed.

The OP has said she checks the pockets first - that’s not the issue!!!

This, plus I'd phrase it to say that you feel picked on and the comments are unnecessary. Shaking out clothes for the machine is Batshit, they come out squished up no matter how nicely you put them in and what a massive waste of time.

Ignore the comments about Pasta, let it wash over you and don’t try to force your child to eat food she doesn’t like.
The washing thing is another stick to beat you with. I’ve never shaken anything before putting it into the machine, the agitation of the drum does the shaking for you.

I'm gonna say some parents of 'fussy eaters' wish their kids would eat salmon and broccoli! Your situation sounds difficult though, it's awful being on edge all the time. Hope it all improves for you.

I feel sorry for you having to live with your MIL. I also feel sorry for your PIL having you there. It's difficult for adults in different households to coexist harmoniously, however well-intentioned they are.

I think you need to decide where to hold the line and where to give in. I would ask MIL to stop commenting on what you feed your DD so your DD doesn't get stressed out about the food. As for the washing-machine and things like that, you're in her house so I think you need to do it her way until you move out. If that means shaking out the clothes neatly, shake them out. When in Rome etc...

I would probably enjoy making a passive aggressive show of ‘shaking’ and ‘nicely placing’ whenever she was in view. And then revert to my own method whenever she wasn’t.

YADNBU - I would be very annoyed. Making an issue out of eating is how eating disorders start. And ffs who the hell shakes every item of clothing and lays it nicely in the drum! I check pockets but that's it.
However she's your MIL so maybe just smile nicely and carry on doing what you're doing whilst swearing to yourself silently !

I think those comments are out of order, but that sort of critical dynamic is very very common - my mother is like that.

In your position I would try and do everything I can to speed up the move, and also try and be out of the house as much as possible.

Do you have a friend who you could go and visit / do some washing in their machine / feed the kids there before you go home. Could you go and stay with your parents for half term? Can you find a club out of the house to do a couple of times a week?

The relationship with mil will be a lot easier with some more space.