AIBU to want more information about inheritance?

[Mam8027]

My FIL passed away last year and left quite a sizeable estate, some investments and a £1.5million house that my MIL now lives in without a mortgage. He didn’t make a will and everything went to MIL.

My DH is the youngest of 3 brothers who were all privately educated. The eldest does very very well working in finance, the middle brother was given £100k by my FIL (before he passed) to go towards paying off some debts and to enable them to buy a rather large house. He earns well enough and his wife is a SAHM.

DH and I earn relatively well, both work full time because we have to, and have a 2 bed maisonette. We have a DS of 5 and I am pregnant again. We are comfortable but have had some hard times over the years due to Covid and taking a temporary salary drop, and we fell pregnant a little earlier than planned with my eldest and were in the middle of renovating our place.

MIL announced today that she is leaving money for all the grandchildren’s education when they turn 11. I’m not particularly an advocate for private education and am on the fence about it, but I know DH would like to have DC go. We wouldn’t have the money to send them privately ourselves (as it stands) unless we took out loans so we asked MIL for more information. We didn’t want to be in a position where we committed to something that we couldn’t sustain. MIL lost her mind and said we were greedy and money grabbing, and that it was her money to do with what she likes. We were not telling her to do anything different, we just wanted more info so we could make informed decisions. She said we had no right to anymore information at any point and chucked us out saying that the other brothers had said thank you and we should just be grateful like them.

We are massively grateful, but now DH is really down thinking that he doesn’t have a family and that he is being perceived as a money-grabber. He also feels like decisions are being made about his children without his input. AIBU to ask for more information? At this point our feeling is she can keep her money.

For context, the relationship between family members has always been a bit contentious particularly after FIL died; he was the glue. We earn less than everyone and they seem to struggle with the concept that we have to be careful with our money.

This.
@Mam8027 did your FIL and MIL live in England? If this is the case and he didn’t make a will the laws of intestacy apply. www.gov.uk/inherits-someone-dies-without-will

IANAL, but I think the first £270k goes to the widow plus 50% of the remaining estate. The other 50% is split between the children I.e. your DH would get 1/3rd.

However please bear in mind:

1. FILs estate may attract inheritance tax which would reduce the sums. It would also create an issue for MIL in terms of possibly having to sell her home to pay HMRC. There is also a side issue of defrauding HMRC if she didn’t follow the rules of intestacy and inadvertently avoided paying IHT.
2. If the property was owned as joint tenants it automatically goes to MIL, I think 50% still counts towards FILs estate for IHT purposes.

Your DH may want to do some initial digging e.g. getting a copy of probate and letters of administration (if MIL obtained this) www.gov.uk/search-will-probate and a copy of the Land Register to see if house was held as Joint Tenants www.gov.uk/search-property-information-land-registry.

i would then suggest your DH considers getting legal advice, you may have legal cover on your house insurance.

The way to approach this is you realise MIL may not have realised the implications of FIL dying intestate and that she may inadvertently have not paid the IHT due.

Who set up this paperwork your DH signed? His brother? Why did he want it all to go to MIL rather than get his stake too?

Was this the brother who got £100k or the other one?

House was probably owned as a joint tenancy and therefore not part of his estate.

@Mam8027 I should have added, if this is not resolved now I believe the probate office and HMRC would become involved when MIL dies. It could be a nightmare to resolve at that stage.

I note FIL died last year so it is possible probate has not yet been granted.

I get the feeling paying for her grandchildren’s schooling maybe MILs way of controlling the inheritance which is actually due to her DC.

@Mam8027 Sorry my posts crossed with your later post, if he signed a deed of variation then he gave up his inheritance.

Make sure your DH reads all important documents he has to sign next time.

Any chance your MIL might meet someone else and get married?

I think you are reasonable to ask - if it is when they are 11 and starting senior school, you will need to plan ahead (if you actually want them to go to private school). One thing to consider is entrance tests and if they haven’t attended prep school then it is something that needs to be considered.

I wonder what happens if all the brothers go on to have six DC each, that’s a lot of school fees.

Why does the MIL get to dictate what happens with YOUR child(ren). She sounds controlling.

I am totally lost!

if father in law didn’t leave a will then what did your husband sign?

is mother in law writing her will now and leaving money for the children’s education - or is she giving the money while she is alive?

why is the gift to your brother in law relevant?

Is MIL terminally ill? Otherwise how could she now that she will be leaving money for when grandchildren turn 11?

Also, it takes at least 18 months before the child turned 11 to look at secondary schools and sit any entrance exams. You need to know how much you might have to spend on schooling. Some schools cost £30k+ per year.... and costs will rise 7/8% each year.

What happens if you don't want to send your kids to private school?

What MIL does with her money is her affair.

If she donates £xxx to each grandchild "for their education", that doesn't mean it has to be spent at a private school. Education is far wider than school.

It could be put aside for university; or studying abroad to become absolutely fluent in the language. or training as a pilot or dog groomer.

^ agree: these are v relevant things to know!

Do you actually want private school fees paid or would you have preferred eg a bit of help with a deposit?

Your DH really should read legal papers, equally his family don’t sound v honest/straightforward!

@Hotandbothereds @BlooberryBiskits

A deed of variation leaving FILs whole estate to MIL would mean no IHT at this point. So she would keep her home etc. which might otherwise have to have been sold.

There may also been forward IHT planning as a Trust has been mentioned.

A lesson for everyone a) write a will b) do not sign legal documents without reading and, more importantly, understanding them.