To be completely done with alcohol?

[dancingthroughthesun]

I'm a 30 year old woman and I'd say I've always had a troublesome relationship with alcohol. Some times less so sometimes more so but regardless it is always there. In the last 3 years I have gotten into the habit of binge drinking every second weekend. My son goes to his dads and I don't drink when he is around so I see that as my 'opportunity' to drink myself into oblivion.

On a Friday night I will drink one bottle of white wine, I'll spend the Saturday with a low-key headache not getting much done but always looking forward to my drink that night. On Saturday nights I will buy two bottles of wine and drink until I black out and pass out on the sofa.

I wake on Sundays full of shame and self hate and regret. I always end up messaging/phoning people, always embarrassing things and they can tell I've been drinking. I become really sexually inappropriate and try and hit on everybody. It's so embarrassing as I am a normal person sober, I'm usually very productive etc. can have relationships with the opposite sex without trying to pounce on them but as soon as I drink this demon takes over. I'm pretty sure to these men I keep messaging I like really desperate, sad and lonely.

I really want to stop drinking once and for all but I just can't seem to. I have went to AA before, I have read all the books, I have joined all the sober social medias, I have made sober plans etc. Nothing works. I feel like I have this inherent need to drink when my son is at his dads. It's almost like a panic as I think 'if I don't drink this weekend then I won't get to drink for another two weeks and I will regret not drinking etc'

I can't keep doing this though, Sundays are becoming absolute torture. It takes days for me to feel better and my stuff isn't getting done like it needs to be. I have a shit ton of things today I should be doing for uni but instead im lying here dying feeling like absolute shit.

if I don't drink this weekend then I won't get to drink for another two weeks and I will regret not drinking etc

I totally understand this. You feel it will be a missed opportunity if you don’t drink. I always drank the night/s before my days off because I couldn’t drink the nights I had work the next day. My days off were ruined by headaches and being unproductive because I wasn’t feeling great.

The reality is that no one wakes up and regrets not drinking the night before. You won’t regret not waking up parched at 3am not able to get back to sleep for ages, you won’t regret not having a headache, you won’t regret having a full night of refreshed sleep and having the energy to be productive and you definitely won’t regret the creeping fear as you look at your phone and read what you messaged/posted last night.

Could you arrange to do something or stay with friends or family the Friday & Saturday nights he is away? You could Take yourself off to the cinema so you aren’t sat at home with a bottle or maybe have an early bath & read a book but get in PJ’s early and leave your hair wet so you aren’t tempted to nip out to the shop for a bottle.

It took me a long time to realise that I am not capable of moderating my drinking and that the only way was for me to stop drinking completely. Once I realised that, and had made the decision to stop, it was somehow easier than all my previous failed attempts to cut down or only drink once a week.

It’s great you have recognised that you need to stop drinking. If you are really struggling then do speak to the GP, they will be able to signpost you to local support services in your area.

How long did you try AA for? Sometimes it takes a few goes for it to be helpful.

Find OYNB on Facebook (one year no beer) it's a fantastic, supportive community that keeps me going - sober life is the best life. Honestly, you won't regret it.

Great decision op.

I've been teetotal for 3 years now and had similar drinking patterns to you. I would describe my relationship with alcohol as problematic and unhealthy , so to be free is a huge relief.

This may or may not work for you , but having sober hobbies was a turning point for me. Sewing , running etc...is there something you've wanted to try for years but have not given a go yet?

Try going to AA? I know it's based on religion but so what?
I haven't been but it helps my friend. I liked Russel Brand's book on addiction.

I have lifelong polyaddiction problems. I am implementing getting up very early so that I'm too tired to drink later, and go early to bed. It's a win/win because I get more done in the mornings.

I can put away a bottle of red easy, and I like the odd pint in the pub alone, and I try and keep it to a bottle a week and a pint twice a week.

I hate going out drinking, makes me feel awful and I behave badly when drunk so I only go rarely. I'm 40, I'm just amazed I don't have liver failure after the years of debauchery.

I've decided to give up too. I've tried cutting down but I have no off switch and it's easier if I don't have any. After another fight that I picked and have no recollection of, I need to get myself straight and that's going to mean no drinking.

The biggest bonus for me, when I stopped drinking (about 15 years ago) was the huge amount of mental space it freed up. It wasn't until I stopped that I realised just how much time I spent thinking about alcohol: when to drink it; when not to drink it; whether to drive somewhere (which meant I wouldn't drink) or get there some other way; whether or not I ought to stop..... It went on and on. The freedom when I no longer had to think about it was amazing.

How are you doing op?