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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To end this friendship?

17 replies

BunnyMum2000 · 25/09/2022 14:08

So .. backstory.. I dated "Mr X" 20 years ago and it ended badly. he cheated - I was heartbroken.

A couple of years later we randomly bumped into each other in a bar, and since then have formed a friendship. So over the last few years its been very on and off, sometimes we chat a lot, sometimes nothing for months. He's abroad most of the time so actual meet ups have been quite rare.

We've been chatting a lot recently as we have a shared interest.

This week he says he's back in London - lets meet for a drink. We agree on Friday night (I had to move some stuff which he knew, but yes Friday agreed)

We get to Friday morning and he still hasn't said an actual location of time, and then says "I'm still waiting to hear from my friend if he wants to meet or not" (He had mentioned a few days before that he might have to meet a friend for a quick drink)

I'm a bit put out thinking - hang on - you've double booked us.
But I said "Ok, well shall we say 7, do you think we'll be done by then?"

... silence from him, until about 5 o'clock - when he says. "I'm meeting my friend at 7 now"

That was it - no apology or anything.

I didn't reply to that. I feel like I was just his back up plan .. he was just keeping me hanging on .. while trying to sort out something better.

Am I being unreasonable to think that's just a crappy way to treat someone?

OP posts:
FizzyFucker · 25/09/2022 14:09

He's keeping you in reserve, definitely end the friendship.

ICanHideButICantRun · 25/09/2022 14:09

It's a really bad way to treat someone and you'd be insane to stay in contact with him now.

Ihatecocomelon · 25/09/2022 14:09

I've no time for people who see me as a plan b....neither should you x

princessspotify · 25/09/2022 14:11

It's not a nice way to treat someone.
Instinct tells me the other friend is a woman.

imaginationhasfailedme · 25/09/2022 14:11

You're the back up arrangement either cancelled on or fitted into a slot last. I hate that. Sometimes I meet a friend and they'll arrange someone else for after (everyone going to a central meet up place so makes sense) and I might have something else lined up for after as well. That's ok, we all know what's happening! Keeping you hanging on and then something else has come along is not ok.

ManateeFair · 25/09/2022 14:12

Why are you hanging around for some bloke who cheated on you when you were together? Why would you want to be friends? He was a twat then and he’s a twat now.

Ihaveamagicwand · 25/09/2022 14:15

ManateeFair · 25/09/2022 14:12

Why are you hanging around for some bloke who cheated on you when you were together? Why would you want to be friends? He was a twat then and he’s a twat now.

This 100% - why would you even give him the head space.

FoxyLoxSox · 25/09/2022 14:22

He wasn’t keeping a friend, he was arranging a date and you were plan B.

FoxyLoxSox · 25/09/2022 14:23

*MEETING a friend obviously

CaffeineMama · 25/09/2022 14:24

He cheated on you, left you heartbroken and is now using you as a back up to keep him entertained if nothing better comes along, knowing full well you have rearranged your plans to accommodate him.

Oure not friends, friends dont do that. I'd block him on everything and not give him another thought.

FinallyHere · 25/09/2022 14:28

Yeah, your feeling is correct.

Don't ever make any arrangements with him again. Part of me wouldn't give him the satisfaction of actually blocking. Just don't reply ...

Sorry this happened to you.

catandcoffee · 25/09/2022 14:50

OP let that be the last time you allow yourself to be a man's backup plan....block him too.

yourestandingonmyneck · 25/09/2022 14:52

Bad behaviour and bad attitude about it.

Ignore.

Don't give him the satisfaction of blocking him etc, just cool contact. Move on, forget.

Beautiful3 · 25/09/2022 15:09

Echo what a previous poster said, he treated you badly years ago and you suprised that he's still the same?! He's an idiot, stop messaging him and block him. You deserve much better.

BunnyMum2000 · 25/09/2022 15:22

Thank you everyone x

OP posts:
keepmywifesnameoutchagoddammouth · 25/09/2022 16:34

He's offing you for something better. His level of respect for you is zero and you're enabling it. Cut him off.

LivingMyBestLie · 25/09/2022 16:37

He's using you.

Real friends make you feel good. Not bad x

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