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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be constantly fantasising about living a totally different life?

32 replies

equestrianPedestrian · 25/09/2022 12:12

I’m married and a SAHM to two young children (1 and 3). My children are my world, my husband is useless amongst other things and I could do without him. I don’t particularly enjoy being a SAHM but know this time is very short lived and I will be glad to have spent this time with them in the long term.

I keep watching TikToks of young girls living in their immaculate apartments with their perfect morning routines, working their corporate jobs, and spending a lot of time on well-being with trips to Pilates and making fresh, healthy meals in peace and quiet. I yearn for this. I had aspects of this prior to marriage and children and was significantly happier than I am now. I now know that I’m happiest when I have peace and quiet, a lot of time to myself, live in a clean and organised environment, and can focus on myself a lot. Not very compatible with young children. I don’t want to wait until the kids are older as I’m an older Mum anyway so will be heading towards retirement age at that point. I won’t be ditching my husband, (I’m not financially dependent on him) I just mentioned he’s useless to make it clear I don’t have much help or support. I don’t think constantly fantasising about this kind of life is helpful at all, but just wondered if anyone else feels this way? I reiterate my children are my world and I wouldn’t change them for anything

OP posts:
Sirius3030 · 25/09/2022 17:59

InPraiseOfBacchus · 25/09/2022 16:07

With the greatest respect to OP, posts like these affirm my decision not to have children.

I have a lovely (small and not perfect but just my style) London apartment, a few nice trips every year, lots of time with my partner, and lots of time alone. I literally have the life I've always fantasised about and wouldn't think to daydream about anything different.

I know that other people have different priorities to me, but it does make me wonder why on earth people choose the parent lifestyle? There must be some very sensible and compelling reasons (global population saturation issues aside), but I just do not get it.

You’ve not sat down to read bedtime stories, snuggled up with two little boys who love you more than anything. Happiest time of my life. 😀

outtheshowernow · 25/09/2022 18:11

If you wanted lots of peace and quiet then you shouldn't have had children. I think lots of women have kids because they think it's just what you do but they arnt really suited to that lifestyle It will get easier when they go to school but ultimately once you are a mum it changes things forever

Redqueenheart · 25/09/2022 18:14

@Sirius3030
''InPraiseOfBacchus · Today 16:07
With the greatest respect to OP, posts like these affirm my decision not to have children.

I have a lovely (small and not perfect but just my style) London apartment, a few nice trips every year, lots of time with my partner, and lots of time alone. I literally have the life I've always fantasised about and wouldn't think to daydream about anything different.

I know that other people have different priorities to me, but it does make me wonder why on earth people choose the parent lifestyle? There must be some very sensible and compelling reasons (global population saturation issues aside), but I just do not get it.''

''You’ve not sat down to read bedtime stories, snuggled up with two little boys who love you more than anything. Happiest time of my life. 😀''

The point is this is what makes you happy. It doesn't mean this is what makes everyone else happy.

Some people choose not to have kids because they know full well this is not what they want for their life.

Minimalme · 25/09/2022 18:23

If your life was so perfect pre-marriage and kids, you wouldn't have wanted children or you might have stopped at one.

I think you are just in the messy, chaotic stage of parenting and need a break.

I think you should go back to work - at least you'll have a lunch break to yourself.

Viviennemary · 25/09/2022 18:32

Why dont you get a job and then you would have the money to pay somebody to look after your DCs. And have more money to spend on yourself and perhaps socialise with work colleagues. . A lot of women do not enjoy being SAHM's. So its nothing to be ashamed of IMHO.

Original poster
equestrianPedestrian · 25/09/2022 18:34

So the useless husband was not so useless and took the kids out for a couple of hours. In having this bit of time for myself I feel like a new woman, and have realised that I don't want the TikTok life, I just need a break. I think work would be a huge help, but not keen on putting the youngest in nursery just yet. Main thing is I now feel there will be light at the end of the tunnel as they get a bit older and I manage to get some more time to myself.

Also just to clarify due to other posts, it's not that parenting isn't for me, and I don't regret my children at all. I just need a break and being a SAHM is relentless and I'm not overly suited to it.

OP posts:
SimonaRazowska · 26/09/2022 07:30

There will be light

you do need breaks

it’s a very tough phase you are in , is all, so carve that time out for yourself 🙂

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