To want to improve our lives?

[VegMam]

I’m married with a baby. Husband and I have been together for 15 years. However, we have a personality difference that’s causing significant tension: I want to make improvements to our life, he doesn’t.

For example, we live in a small 3 bed semi with a garden that’s currently unsuitable for a toddler / child. We also live 500 miles from family.

I’d like to move closer to family and to a bigger house with a large garden suitable for children (this house would be of approximately the same value as our current house as in different regions, so money isn’t ab issue). However, my husband refuses to talk about this and says I’m always looking to do something / improve things rather than just enjoying what I’ve got (I think you can do both, enjoy what you have but also look to improve).

If husband wants to stay in current house then we should look to make the garden toddler friendly before next summer. But we can’t do that as he won’t even discuss whether to stay or move.

The above is just one example, but we have this argument a couple of times a year about something and it’s so frustrating for both of us.

Yabu - chill out and enjoy the life you have
Yanbu - if you have the opportunity to make things better than why would you not

Perhaps he does not see what YOU see as “improving” standard of life as an improvement

not once do you mention work situation?

We can both work from anywhere in the uk and have agreement from our employers on that.

I agree he doesn’t necessarily see “improving our lives” in the same way I do. But how do we overcome this when I’d like to make changes but he doesn’t, and more importantly won’t even discuss or consider it (I’m not saying it’s my way or the highway).

Do your changes involve moving countries?

How old is the baby?

A 3 bed semi with a garden sounds ideal for a couple with one child to me.

How is the garden unsuitable? Is it very expensive to sort?

if you want to move then that's a serious discussion, why is he avoiding that?

The garden would be expensive to sort but money definitely isn’t the issue. It would only be worth sorting if we were staying here though.

The baby is walking now so will definitely enjoy a garden by next summer.

The house is fine for now but it’s too small long term (we’d like another child and both wfh).

Plus I’d like to move back to our home country (another country in the UK) to raise our children, husband isn’t against this in principle just doesn’t want to discuss the reality of it.

Husband just says he just wants to enjoy what we have and not deal with the hassle of moving. I get that but is it really a good enough reason not to move or at least discuss whether we could move in next couple of years.

He is happy op.

if you are not happy, then it’s a problem.

No one to blame or in the wrong though