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AIBU?

To be mad at DH for not tidying up more

1 reply

TiredAF123 · 24/09/2022 15:22

I'm still on maternity leave so I got up every morning with the baby and take care of everything until my partner comes home from work. I do the cooking, shopping, cleaning. DH does bins, dishwasher and lawn. I seem to spend 80% of my day tidying. Especially with weaning our DD, it's constant mess.

This morning DH got up with baby as he does most Sat mornings and I slept on for a couple of hours. He put her down for a morning nap and then jumped back into bed himself. I got up and went downstairs at that point to enjoy breakfast in peace. Well. The mess that was left. Living room upside down. Kitchen a mess after breakfast. Zero effort made to tidy anything.

Long story short, I cleaned up. Took 10 mins. Then went up to DH in a rage and said that he must not have respect for me if he thinks it's ok to leave a mess like that and assume I will clean it. I told him it only took 10 mins and he should be more thoughtful, that I'm not here to clean up after him all day long.

He said he didn't understand why I was upset, that if it only took 10 mins it shouldn't be a big deal. That he had "given me a lie on" and that I never thanked him for it. That he had been working hard all morning looking after DD and I should have some perspective.

AIBU to be upset about this? I just feel like the tidying always falls to me and I'm fed up about it.

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

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mamamomojojo · 24/09/2022 15:29

You’re not unreasonable but men are not as amazing at multi tasking as women. This makes my blood boil as i have struggled with this in the past. Need to try and change that mindset in him like that he’s a childminder helping you out and that you are the real parent. Stop doing so much for him. You could be facilitating him. You’re in it together….. equals. Let him do stuff and get a sence of achievement and commend him highly when he does stuff…. But do not say thank you for doing it “for me’’. What I found worked well was when I came back and he’d tidied, I would say Oh I feel so much more relaxed when the house is tidy, I feel like you care that a clean home is important to me. Happy wife happy life, he is going to have to learn it.

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