To find this unfair?

[MeanOldPotato]

DC 13 suspended yesterday for hitting a child in thier class. I agree with the suspension and would expect no less if my child was assaulted by another. However, earlier in the day DC was punched in the face by another child - without provocation ( confirmed by school ) and said child got put in isolation. Should the rules not be the same for all children?

I'm looking for unbiased opinions as it's impossible for me since I'm the parent.

Can provide a little more backstory if needed.

Have you asked the school why these decisions were made?

It will depend on the circumstances Read the school's exclusion policy. When your child was hit there may have been circumstances you're not aware of, e.g. they may have provoked a child with special educational needs.

@Allelbowsandtoes

I tried calling back after initial conversation but the teacher was unavailable. It was near the end of the school day so will have to wait until Monday.

Probably need a little more context if there is some (you mention a backstory). On the face of it, of course the rules should apply to everyone. But I assume it’s not as black and white as it should be?

If you can provide the back story it may help us give a levelled opinion

@wotjusthappend The school said the child who hit mine was the instigator. Told my child to shut up, DC replied with "you shut up" other child walked up to DC and hit them in the face.

For full disclosure, my child has ASD. I cannot speculate if other child has SEN or not.

This is what I keep thinking. There must be more my DC did in that first interaction for other child to oy be put in isolation but from what the school have said it doesnt seem so? I dont think a "you shut up" is a reason to get away lightly with a blatant assault.

Speaking as a teacher, but also a parent, I think the punishment for your DC was the correct one. If there isn't a hard line against violence, then where is the hard line? So in that sense it is not unfair. But I absolutely agree that the same punishment should have been given to the other child - interesting coincidence that these both happened in the same day so that you could see the discrepancy. I would be very interested to hear the back story, and the school's response/rationale.

I cannot speculate if other child has SEN or not

Exactly. Whereas the school knows the full picture. So trust them. It's ok to ask (politely) for an explanation, but they can't tell you confidrntial details about other children. All you can expect is that the published exclusion policy (which should be on the school website) is followed to the letter.

Ask the school. But has your DC been violent before maybe?

The school should be getting written statements from the children involved in both assaults, and any witnesses. Ask your child whether any were taken.

I think the biggest question is why your child is involved in two acts of violence in one day, whoever started it etc. I went to a pretty rough school but kids generally weren’t punching each other. I don’t say this lightly as I know it’s not a click of fingers but I don’t think I’d want my child at that school…

A bit more to the backstory - my child is prone to being picked on as they easily lose control. Not violent, although I appreciate this story flies in the face of that but gets upset easily, makes 'funny' noises and is altogether the type of child kids will hone in on as they find DC reactions amusing.

Child who hit my DC is part of a wider group of children who have been low level? Picking on my child. Question mark because there has been the occasional pinch or push so its moving into physical territory which I'm clearly unhappy about, and now this. DC wanted to try and deal with it by themselves without getting teachers involved but it's clearly now reached a point where that is no longer a choice.

@ReeseWitherfork the lesson in which my child assaulted another was straight after the one in which they were assaulted.
DC was sent out due to being disruptive, child called DC a name and DC hit said child. I in no way agree with DC action and I have impressed upon DC that what they did was wrong.

Ideally after the first incident DC should have been sent elsewhere until fully calm.There was no way they would have been level headed enough to carry on as normal after being hit in the face. DC would have been better off in isolation. (not that they deserve punishment)

I will do this. Thank you.

OP my son is not dissimilar yours. He gets "low level" picked on by a bunch of lads who amuse themselves by doing it. However, in his case, when he has been physically assaulted, they have been excluded. The one time he got into a proper fight, he was not excluded...given an internal isolation period instead. The school were aware of the surrounding situation and that even if my DS had thrown the first punch, he was not the instigator of the problem. It may be that as this was the second incident that day (have there been others)? your DS was punished more severely.

Use this incident to escalate a pastoral.plan for him. Ask for a meeting or call with his HoY and the designated safeguarding lead in school. Read their safeguarding and anti bullying policies on the website first and highlight appropriate passages. If your son is systematically targeted, it is child on child abuse and should be recorded as such. It is not "just lads mucking about" as I was initially fobbed off with. Ask for reassurance that all incidents are being recorded in a central register and what system they use..most schools use CPOMS. Ask what interventions or strategies they propose to prevent the "low level" bullying and what safe spaces your DS can access at tricky points in the day, eg library, clubs etc. He should not have to hide but staff cannot be eyes on everyone at all times so he will need to be pro-active in taking some steps to avoid scenarios where this can happen. My DS is happy to use these strategies and it has helped, and he is also happy to report incidents son"the lads" are now starting to get the message it's not worth it and are leaving him alone.
His own use of violence obviously also needs to be addressed and that may require CAMHS if you can get access or some private counseling if that's possible. Best of luck.

@ForfuckssakeEXHstopbeingatwat

Thank you for your post and I'm glad to hear school is now a happier place for your DS.

I will arrange a meeting as this has not been suggested by the school. Just 15 mins before the school day he is due back on which I assume will just be a standard "you're back in school, what you did was wrong, dont do it again" which is hardly helpful. I'm concerned that this is the case as surely more intervention is needed to resolve this issue. 5 days away and a verbal warning is not nearly enough.

By the way, have they provided work for him? They should be. Yes, I'd ask to have that meeting extended and to include the staff I suggested. Be very calm, prepared and go in with an idea of what sort of outcomes you're looking for.

OP, that is hood advice from MeanOldPotato. Don't get hung up on what is fair and what isn't because that will put you in conflict with the school when you need to be working with them closely to resolve the underlying issues. Low level bullying shouldn't be tolerated and needs to be nipped in the bud before it escalates as it has done here.

*good not hood

No work. No mention of any expectations upon DC to do any work.

Bit shit really isnt it?

Not sure if name change fail? I am OP/MeanOldPotato. Or perhaps you meant forfucksake?