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AIBU?

AIBU to be upset by my child’s teacher?

41 replies

Concernedcitizen98 · 23/09/2022 15:57

Hello, first time posting here just looking for a bit of advice.

my little boy is 4 years 3 months and started reception last Monday. As far as I’m aware he’s been getting on okay but is having some trouble listening, I am aware of this as he struggles some time at home too.

for a bit of back story, his older brother (not mine biologically) has been diagnosed with autism. I’m aware that auditory processing is part of autism and I’m keeping an eye on my LO to see if he has any other symptoms as he starts to socialise more and be in a more ‘formal’ learning environment.

today at pick up my LO ran back into the classroom as he thought he’d forgotten his drawings although they were in his bag. His teacher in a pretty aggressive way said ‘when was the last time he had a hearing test?’ I replied that it was when he was born and my partner replied that he thinks his hearing is selective. His teacher then said that he hasn’t been listening to ‘us’ and that he’s had to be told 3 times that his drawings were in his bag and that yes she thought his hearing was selective too. It’s not what she said so much as the way she spoke to us, it honestly made me quite upset as I want my son to have a positive experience and not to have his teacher impatient with him already.

I appreciate that it is frustrating when a child isn’t listening however he only started a couple of weeks ago and I think he’s finding everything a bit confusing as it’s a new environment and a lot of new people. If he is having trouble with listening and following instruction then obviously I would want to work with the teachers to help them and my LO, not be shamed in front of other parents as he isn’t doing it intentionally to annoy her. I don’t know what to do now as I was thought if there was any problems he was having we could discuss it and figure out a way to help together.

I understand that teachers are under stress and pressure at the moment and don’t want to cause any upset. AIBU to feel upset about this and would would be the recourse to things like this? Should I ask to discuss it with her or ask for a meeting? This is all new to me and he’s my first and only child.

apologies for the long message and thank you for reading.

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mrsnjw · 23/09/2022 17:08

It's Friday! She's frazzled. It can be chaos at pick up. She probably didn't mean any aggression in her voice she's just stressed trying to get the other twenty nine children out the door. Email the school Monday morning and ask her to call you or could she have a quick chat with you at pick up. Wait for her to see the class out first 🥰

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Thestagshead · 23/09/2022 17:10

I’d also give her the benefit of the doubt sometimes two people can have a conversation and have totally different views on what occurred. And an onlooker a third one. Whether she was aggressive or you just didn’t like the message remains to be seen.

id book him in for a hearing test though.

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mrsnjw · 23/09/2022 17:11

Your child will have the same teacher until July. Keep relationships positive.

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Concernedcitizen98 · 23/09/2022 17:14

Hello again - thank you for all your help it’s given me a lot more clarity on the situation. I am very sensitive to peoples tones in general and I understand she must be stressed and I’m sure it wasn’t intentional I think it just caught me off guard as I wasn’t expecting it.

I think what I’ll do is give my GP a ring on Monday and see if they can test his hearing and leave it another week or so at school and have a chat with her next week to see if he’s improving. I’m hoping it is just him settling in as he was only in until 12pm last week and doesn’t finish until 3:15 now, he does seem emotionally heightened today. Hopefully it’s just teething problems that will iron out in time :)

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mrsnjw · 23/09/2022 17:15

He will shattered. A full week in school is so tiring for them at four. Have a chilled weekend and rustle a few crisps or chocolate bar packets. I'm sure he will hear them.

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KweenieBeanz · 23/09/2022 18:02

France98 · 23/09/2022 16:40

Zero children in Scotland go to school when they are 4 years and 3 months old. They are all still at nursery then.

And here in England 4yr olds are in the EYFS stage where they are learning through play in an environment with free flow between indoors and outdoors. Not formal school, just the continuation of EYFS the same as in Nurseries. Just because it is based in a school building does not mean 4 year olds are in 'formal school', that does not begin until children enter year 1. The clue is in the name, it is year 1 of 'proper school'. 4 year olds do not do 'proper school' they are learning through play.

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Jackie246 · 23/09/2022 19:37

I’m a reception teacher and you DEFINITELY need to challenge this. It’s utterly unacceptable her having an attitude, her literal job is to help. And especially being a reception teacher, your entire job is you help scared parents and anxious children settle into school and fall in love with it. Incidentally, (I’m not saying yours is btw!) my son is neurodiverse and I would go BALLISTIC if I caught attitude about him from a person who’s very job it is to help. I would challenge her and make her rethink how she acts!

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Yazo · 23/09/2022 19:40

My kids reception teacher was really horrible to kids and parents alike. It was unnecessary and a disappointing start to the school but reception goes quickly. The rest of the teachers and school has been brilliant. Hang in there I'm sure he'll make friends and learn something. It gives you and the other mums something to bond over in the pub. You won't be alone!

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Cheeseandcrackers86 · 23/09/2022 19:54

YANBU. Mine is 4.5 and also just started reception. She listens and enjoys the learning element just fine but has already had a little 'girl drama' with one of her friends. I spoke to my teacher and she basically said it's 50:50 with them both forgetting to use kind words/hands. When I said something along the lines of 'oh yes dd has started to be a bit spiteful with her words' she almost told me off saying 'I would never say a 4YO is spiteful. They're little and still learning' This IMO is exactly how a reception teacher especially should be. IMO even if your ds's teacher does have concerns she should be being much more careful with her words especially when around your ds. Kids this age listen a lot more than they articulate and all he will have heard from that conversation is negativity. The poor thing was just anxious to make sure he had his art which was probably the thing he's most proud of. I would tell the teacher politely that if she has any concerns then you absolutely want to know but that this absolutely has to be discussed when ds is not within earshot. I'd keep a close eye on things and lay down the law with this teacher. Something I've noticed with my own is that there's quite a big leap in maturity between 4 and 4.5 so hopefully he'll settle. Don't panic just yet but don't allow his confidence to be knocked either xx

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Concernedcitizen98 · 23/09/2022 19:57

Thank you for your message. It did make me feel really sad as I know my little boy does need some extra help to do things sometimes. Sometimes I have to rephrase things or repeat and be patient until he understands and it made me worried that she’s perceiving it as wilful ignorance when he may just need a bit of extra help. Although I won’t know what actually happened as I’m obviously not in the classroom with him. I’m hoping it’s just a one off as she’s normally okay 🤞🏻

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Concernedcitizen98 · 23/09/2022 20:01

It’s so tough isn’t it! He is one of the youngest and there is a huge difference even with a few months difference at that age. I’m going to see how it goes as it’s generally a good school that does lots for the kids so hoping he’ll be happy there x

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Thurst · 23/09/2022 20:04

I would be worried the mask has slipped a bit. Kids can be frustrating but don’t be a teacher if you can’t keep a lid on it. She needs to be trying to help him pay attention by using his name, touch or visuals not just getting shirty.
My go to sentence when dealing with some teachers professionally is ‘okay and what have you tried to help him so far?’

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Devilishpyjamas · 23/09/2022 20:09

JudgeRindersMinder · 23/09/2022 16:48

@iklboo No, children in ENGLAND so, not the whole UK. You have the option to not start them till the term after they turn 5.

And if you do that then your child has to go straight into the hideousness of year 1, rather than having reception which is play based to get used to school.

Believe me I think we start kids way too young in England but if you aren’t home edding then your hands are tied.

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keeprunning55 · 23/09/2022 20:29

Teachers are human-some are lovely, others are not and it makes you wonder why they teach.
Perhaps take your ds for a hearing test just to be sure he doesn’t have glue ear and can’t hear. He could have a processing issue, but that doesn’t mean he is autistic-i have taught lots of children with this and they have not been autistic.

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MolliciousIntent · 23/09/2022 20:33

What was he like at nursery? Did they report any issues with listening?

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Concernedcitizen98 · 23/09/2022 20:37

Thank you I didn’t know that you could have a processing issue without autism or another factor. I do sometimes have trouble understanding people though I can hear fine so I’m wondering if it is genetic. 🤣

he was fine in nursery as far as I’m aware, no major issues were reported only that sometimes he wouldn’t sit still or jump up at story time but they said that it’s normal for little boys of that age

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