Long story short a friend who I used to be close with and grown apart but when asked what was wrong when she started ignoring the group (I figured I may as well attempt to find out than just let friendship die)
- upset because we hadn't tried to get to know her new partner and his family (we are mainly a group of girls who meet for lunch) yet whenever I did organise something with partners I did invite them. She hasn't once organised a group thing but expected us to want to get to know her partner.
- upset we didn't organise something for her birthday despite agreeing as a group not to do special birthday meals anymore as was getting too expensive. Did nothing as a group for the 1st two ladies who birthdays came round first. Suggested dates to meet up near her birthday but because didn't specify it was for her birthday she ignored us - prompting the convo. She said she was spending time with people who wanted to be with her for her birthday.
- upset we don't hang out at her house like we used to hang out at another person's house years ago (first person to buy a house) yet hasn't invited anyone to hang out.
- since then we had a discussion and aired all our viewpoints about how the friendships change. Thats she was too busy with her new family when others needed friends but agree move past it.
But I am struggling. I admit I am someone who over thinks things but just AIBu to think these things may not have been an issue if she could have made effort instead of silently getting upset e.g girls I'd love to have dinner for my birthday or do you fancy coming over? Fair enough if we kept declining her invites to hang at her house or with partner she would have a right to be annoyed.
I'm torn between trying to make the effort although right now it feels all pleasantries than natural friendship 😔