To not know how to have fun with husband

[StonwEd]

This is silly, we do have fun when we're with others and we had a lovely holiday together this summer. We're still in love and have a happy marriage.
But life is just getting me down a bit at the moment.
We are going away to a cottage tonight, just us two for the weekend. Think country pub, cycling etc. Heaven once upon a time.
I'm looking forward to it but I'd rather be listening to music quietly or read. Alone.
I think it's just the way I'm feeling at the moment, I'm a bit low but I'll get through it, I always do.
What can we do this weekend to have fun? I just cba with anything 😕😅
Im not talking sex BTW. More conversations, games, etc.
He's very quiet too so we'd happily sit in silence for hours but that's not great for us.

There is nothing wrong with sitting in silence if you are both comfortable with it. It’s called companionable silence.

Yeah I know, good to be reminded.
I guess I just feel like I've run out of energy, we are adventurous but seem to just be chugging along in companionable silence at the moment. I'd rather be at home if that's what the weekend is going to be like!
I just don't have the motivation to change anything right now.

Is there anything nearby to do that's a bit different, ie a cave visit or steam train ride? I think doing something new together can spark more energy and fun.

There isn't much at all nearby hence hiring bikes which will be nice but we bike ride a lot anyway.
We've done both those things on other occasions and they have been really fun!
I think tomorrow will be OK when it gets here, its just the long drive after work kinda thing tonight, would rather be on the sofa at home!!

Take candles and baby oil and extra towels and give each other a massage.

Why not cook a meal together, something completely different to what you might usually have? Go a little out of your comfort zone, culinary wise. Discuss it together, aim to choose something you have never eaten and/or cooked before (or a new style of global cuisine).

Discuss it to choose something together, get the ingredients together then work as a team to prepare it. Have a few cheeky drinks during it. See how it turns out - even if its minging, you will still have been talking, spending time and hopefully having a bit of a laugh together.

If confident, even try for a dessert too!

Set up a nice, fancy, candlelit table to enjoy it together when ready.

Or why not see what activities there are near the cottage and again look to try something new together. Maybe something outdoorsy or adventurous. Rock climbing, surfing, orienteering, sailing etc.

Or take some art supplies and take a shot at being a life model for each other, at the cottage. Pose nude to up the ante! Set a time limit for each's drawing, so it doesn't get ridiculous - but don't be insulted if the outcome is not flattering lol

Or what did you used to do together when dating?

Dont put pressure on yourself / each other to "must have amazing fun" (its not a hen do). Its OK to still take some time to relax and give each other space.

Do you have any board games? During lockdown, DH and I started playing them. Something like Pandemic would be good because you have to work together, rather than against each other. Having said that, a bit of competitiveness can be good.

I think you are putting pressure on yourself to be FUN when really you can just have a nice relaxing time.

Why not watch a really great film, have some lovely food and go to look at a beautiful view.

Maybe it is just not party time, that's OK. What does he think?

On cottage holidays we always take scrabble with us as it's something that's easy to have going on without much effort and can be done with wine in hand, fire crackling in yhe background (easy to have distractions and have silence, while the other person is thinking on their go), but you're still doing soemthing together. We find we get really competitive near the end of the break as if you play one game a night, you have an overall winner by the end.

I know it sounds a bit boring but we find it fun and it's really low level effort if you're tired and don't just want to sit in companionable silence

Take a pack of cards and some board games. We go off to the wilds quite a lot, either in a campervan or renting a cottage, and find board games a great way to pass the time in the evenings or when the weather closes in.

We've been away together recently with not much to do in the area.

We had a fire pit and lit a fire outside every night. Something very cathartic sitting by a fire keeping it burning. Toasted marshmallows bbq etc

Played card games
Read ghost stories (some from mumsnet !)
Cross words
Charades (Obama llama game)

Life drawing is a great idea! It would be hilarious, and a great conversation starter. The worse you are at art the better I'd say. Gonna suggest that one to DH next time we have an evening to ourselves (and burn the results)

Talking of burning, a fire is great for reflective conversation, and makes companiable silence much more enjoyable. Log burner? Fire pit? Even BBQ?

Tapas style dining, or fajitas or similar, where you assemble it and eat at the table, and keep picking.

'Would you rather', or where would you go on hols if money no object, or where do you see yourself in ten years, etc.

Definitely something new. You say there's nothing nearby, but what about geocaching? Picnic and hike? Night walk with torches and beers? Anywhere to swim outside? Sandcastle?! Depends where you're going obviously, but there's new things to do everywhere if you organise them yourself.

Its not much help for this weekend but me and my DH do things like Alton towers for a day, go ape, segways through the woods, zip lines, underground adventures , something to get your adrenaline going! We do this stuff without the kids. Take a days annual leave and go while they’re at school. Always Have something to talk about then .

He's very quiet too so we'd happily sit in silence for hours but that's not great for us.

If you're both happy sitting there cosy together while you're both reading or whatever, I don't really see why that would be a problem - but if you do feel like there's something missing, then things like board/card games, puzzles or even something like building a massive Lego model together can be good, especially with a bottle of wine. Those sorts of things are quite good for when you want to 'do' something but at the same time can't really be arsed to actually get up and go out! Cooking an adventurous meal together is also nice.

Download the heads up app! That’s a lot of fun even just the two of you, especially after a few drinks and gets you both talking/laughing :)

Thanks all of you, dont know why I'm feeling like this but I'm now a bit teary.
There's so much stuff on here that we've done together in the past (fuck life drawing BTW but thanks!).
I think it's me you know. I've really lost myself recently, lost a parent, hate my looks, got no sex drive etc so perhaps this weekend will just be a good time to talk and reflect on a few things.
He's a lovely man and will be happy if I'm happy, I just don't think I'm very happy in general anymore.

How about a podcast for the drive - something which might prompt conversation starters to discuss topics on the podcast.
Also agree with cards, games, and what about a come dine with me style dinner where each of you is in charge of a different course of the meal.
I think the above options are easy to do and shouldn't feel too forced but will hopefully promote conversation and connection xx

We went away for a weekend to a cottage last month...the first time we've been away alone for about 5 years. We didn't even have a TV in the cottage and no phone signal, just a radio. I felt similar to you op - I just couldn't be arsed, secretly didn't want to go but DH was looking forward to it so I kept schtum.

We got very pissed and played cards both nights - very unlike us as we're not big drinkers. We played speed and the loser of each round did a shot. We talked about random shit all night, laughed until we couldn't breathe and it was so much fun. I know they say drinking doesn't help but it really did in my case as a one off. Totally worth the hangover.

Yep we've got the podcasts lined up, fortunately we both listen to a lot of them so are always introducing each other to new ones. Will pack a speaker so we can listen when we're unpacking too.

Its a bit of a lost art these days to be happy and content without spending ££££ or doing something exciting. I put a lot of marriage problems down to this tbh.

If you and your partner are happy just chilling then there is a lot to be happy about imo. You talk about your DH in a lovely tone so its quite obvious you are both considerate of each other.

This thread is making me sad as I know my dh would not do any of these. If yours will, you are already halfway there. I hope you have a lovely time.

Same here. We ended up buying something called the Adventure Book for both the family and couples editions and it's been really helpful on those days I'm just stuck and in a rut. You choose a page and scratch one off and it's an activity. We did one recently where one partner was blindfolded and the other partner gave them directions on how to bake something. Couldn't help out the blindfolded one except verbally. It ended up being hilarious and broke up the monotony of our usual nights together. I'm not sure if they have similar in the UK but I'd imagine they do or you could browse ideas online, whether surprise or not.

Sorry to hear that, didn't want to make anyone sad.
I know I'm lucky (as is he!) I think I'm just really down and lovely as he is, he doesn't pick up on things, so if I'm quiet, he'll just be quiet as well rather than ask if I'm OK. I know I could just tell him but tbh it just leads to awkward conversations that I cba with, he's no use with practical advice.
So smile is strapped on, finish work in an hour or so, cards, wine and tunes are packed. It's defo not a party weekend, book and knitting are also packed 😂

You sound a bit burnt out.Losing a parent is hard and affects us all in different ways.I often think with holidays /WE away we feel like we "ought" to be doing something! (If only to tell work on Monday morning!) Maybe have a chill out together .Just talking ,maybe some music on quietly .A nice walk (Not a hike or bike ride though).Its not an exam with extra marks for "fun" you know! Sometimes its OK just to be.A nice meal at the pub or some Red wine and something quickish (Steaks /Sausages whatever) Grief is a very tiring emotion .Hes a lovely man so should be a nice relaxing time.

Don't put any pressure on yourself. Keep your expectations fairly low. If you need peace and relaxation then that's what you should have. Good marriages are long. They can survive the ups and downs. This is a low but it will pass.