My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

ExH and 'maintenance'

10 replies

Usernamesarenoteasy · 23/09/2022 13:22

I have 2 DC. ExH sees them once a week ish, very rarely on weekends.
He currently pays as if he has them stay at his 1-2 nights a week, even though he often doesn't have them, and doesn't pay as much as he is supposed to. But he pays every month so I've accepted that so as not to rock the boat.

He has now told me that he is 'skint' and can no longer see the kids during the week, just on random weekends when he can. He only has them on weekends currently once a month if that.

The reason he can't see them is because he is taking on a second job. He doesn't plan to increase his maintenance payments for the reduced time he will be having them, nor for the fact he will be earning more from this extra job.

For info it is just me and my DCs, I have a full time job and 2 mortgages from buying his share of the marital house from him.

He has no other kids, a partner who also works full time and has no kids (not really relevant other than his bills are shared so to speak) and a mortgage of their own.

However. My eldest (16) has told me that the real reason he is skint and is taking on an extra job is because he has booked a 'once in a lifetime' holiday, and he needs to pay for it.

AIBU to be so angry that he is dodging his financial responsibility to the kids just to have a bloody holiday??

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

52 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
6%
You are NOT being unreasonable
94%
HowVeryBizarre · 23/09/2022 13:25

Surely if he is earning more money he should be paying more child maintenance rather than less. Children are not pay per view!

SpinningFloppa · 23/09/2022 13:26

Just go through the cms pretty obvious solution

Goldbar · 23/09/2022 14:09

Go through CMS and he won't be able to claim to be 'skint'.

Testina · 23/09/2022 14:12

CMS all the way. It’s not like he has you over a barrel not to rock the boat as you need his contact time to be able to work.
You might to get the second job counted just cos their admin is so shit… but moving the nights per year band should be simple.

ForfuckssakeEXHstopbeingatwat · 23/09/2022 14:13

Leave out all the stuff about holidays, a partner to share the bills with and what you're doing. He has them x times, so in the 0-52 nights bracket. Open a claim with CMS, send him a one line text saying that you're doing so to clarify and male the process objective and leave it at that. Absolutely no point wasting energy about what he should or could be doing, just CMS.

weekendninja · 23/09/2022 14:13

I echo the CMS. Don't enter into dialogue - they do it for you.

RandomMess · 23/09/2022 14:15

Yep go to CMS

Pumpkinsnearlyready · 23/09/2022 14:15

He isn't your friend. Stop letting him have an easy life. Cms.

Usernamesarenoteasy · 23/09/2022 14:34

Thanks all. I guess I knew the answer really, I just know if I go to the cms he is going to create merry hell.
But that's really not my problem is it?
I was just so bloody angry! I need to take a mental step back.

@Pumpkinsnearlyready You are right. He is not my friend and hasn't been for many many years!

OP posts:
Testina · 23/09/2022 14:36

Define “merry hell”.
Nothing that’s going to affect your childcare, and anything else is what a block function is for 😉

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.