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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Asking dh not to drink when we go away for a night- 31 weeks pregnant

21 replies

Austin0210 · 22/09/2022 22:07

We have planned to go and visit my dh relative this weekend and are going to be staying in a hotel.
We will be about 2.5 hrs away from home so not too far..
I've asked my dh if he would be able to have just a couple of drinks and be okay to drive me to the hospital if needed, I'm 31 weeks pregnant but am at risk of preterm labour and have recently had to have monitoring for reduced movements so feeling a bit nervous about the whole thing!
Dh doesn't understand why I would ask him not to drink. Last Saturday he went out until early hours and I couldn't get hold of him at all so he does still go out but something about being away from home makes me feel uneasy especially not being familiar with the area. Dh said that I can take myself back to the hotel at any point if I wanted to have a break which says to me I'll probably end up chilling in the hotel by myself for the majority which isn't the end of the world but wish he was planning to be a bit more supportive I guess and be prepared to be with me if needed.

OP posts:

Chdjdn · 22/09/2022 22:10

I agree with you; I had a fairly complicated pregnancy from 30 weeks with the risk of pre term labour so DH didn’t drink more than one each night

Chdjdn · 22/09/2022 22:11

It’s not forever and I gave up drinking my entire pregnancy so I didn’t see it as a big ask

qpmz · 22/09/2022 22:28

You weren't unreasonable to ask him. He doesn't think he needs to though so not sure what else you can do. The reality is than men can still enjoy a few drinks when their partner is pregnant as they're not carrying the child. It's not exactly fair but if it was the other way round I'd still want a glass of wine with my friends if my partner couldn't drink.
As long as there's loads of taxis in the area and you're not far from a hospital that is.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 22/09/2022 22:31

What would be the plan if you had an issue? Eg if you're in london it would be pretty easy to get to a hospital. Other places not so much.

But if you're worried and feel more comfortable at home and think he is going to wsnt to be out drinking til late while you wait for him in the hotel room to come back pissed, I'd just say you're not up to it

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 22/09/2022 22:32

Also if you're at risk of pre term labour it's a bit shit that he is uncontactable for extended periods

NotJustAnybody · 22/09/2022 22:36

If he's being funny about not drinking then I'd stay at home. He gets to enjoy himself and you get to relax. Do not put yourself through this unnecessary stress.

Letthekidsplay · 22/09/2022 22:39

I wouldn’t go if I was you

Leeds2 · 22/09/2022 22:46

I, too, would stay at home by myself.

And I would think his behaviour pretty poor, to be honest.

AnneLovesGilbert · 22/09/2022 22:53

You’re not even asking him to abstain busy just to make sure he can safely legally drive if need be. He’s being really selfish. Buggering off all night and not being contactable is also shit.

Is he billing this as a last series of binges before he settles into fatherhood or is he going to be one of those prats who expects life to go on after having a baby as if nothing has changed? Getting bladdered and not being on the end of the phone while you’re up all night with a newborn is going to piss you right off.

I don’t think I’d go. If you’re going to be bored in a hotel waiting for him to roll in you may as well be in your own bed at home keeping comfy.

ManateeFair · 22/09/2022 23:00

Hypothetically - if neither of you were drivers, or in the unlikely event that your car wouldn’t start, what would you do? I’m guessing a taxi, help from the relative you’re visiting or (worst case scenario) an ambulance. I’m guessing that your DH has thought about this and feels these would also be viable options if you happened to need to go to hospital after he’d had a couple of drinks.

Don’t get me wrong - personally, I think he should go without a bloody drink! YANBU at all to want him to stay sober under the circumstances. But I’m wondering if, to him, being unable to drive if you needed to go to hospital feels like a problem that could be solved if need be.

Thepeopleversuswork · 22/09/2022 23:06

I’d honestly be more worried about the fact that he is still going out until the small hours and getting lashed up and uncontactable when you are heavily pregnant than this fairly minor risk. I think you are focusing on the wrong thing.

Its pretty shit that he is doing this routinely.

Krabapple · 23/09/2022 00:13

Hi. I don’t think it hurts for him to have a few drinks. I can’t see sniffing I’m your op about drinking binges or him wanting to get lashed up. A few glasses of wine would put him over the limit and isn’t a huge amount in a night out.
maybe stay at home if your are concerned. He needs to make sure he is contactable at all times though. Where was his phone?

YouAreNotBatman · 23/09/2022 01:04

Chdjdn · 22/09/2022 22:10

I agree with you; I had a fairly complicated pregnancy from 30 weeks with the risk of pre term labour so DH didn’t drink more than one each night

T@Chdjdn
Sorry, but if didn’t drink ”more than one each night”, how much does he actually drink normally!?

Somuchgoo · 23/09/2022 01:43

I'm not a drinkeryself, but unless you are so out in the sticks that you couldn't get a taxi, I'd be relaxed and this one.

It's going to be do much harder to go out and let your hair down when the baby comes, I wouldn't begrudge him doing it now.

MintJulia · 23/09/2022 02:18

It doesn't bode well, does it? When another beer is more important that the safety of his wife and child.

Has he always been so inconsiderate?

Oliverfunyuns · 23/09/2022 02:31

I'll never understand the mentality that one must drink to have a pleasant time and that asking anyone to give the alcohol a pass for a while is somehow too much to ask. Of course he should be willing to do as you ask. It's so selfish to refuse a reasonable request of this type.

I'd be hurt that he cared more about having some drinks than making his pregnant wife as comfortable and relaxed as possible. Shabby of him to make an issue of it.

crumpet · 23/09/2022 03:40

There are 2 issues here. The first is whether you are in an area where you can get a taxi to the hospital if needed. The second though is whether he is generally supportive and just has the odd time where he catches up with friends/family, or whether he’s not showing much interest overall. The latter would by far be the bigger issue.

Chdjdn · 23/09/2022 08:08

@YouAreNotBatman whatever he wants; as he’s an adult I don’t watch what he drinks because he wouldn’t drink when he might be needed such as these circumstances

CrystalCoco · 23/09/2022 08:16

If I were pregnant I'd be on MN asking am I BU to ask DH to not drink for my entire pregnancy as I can't and I want the solidarity, so there 😅

Highfivemum · 23/09/2022 08:17

He is being unreasonable. If it was me I wouldn’t go.

RampantIvy · 23/09/2022 08:28

Last Saturday he went out until early hours and I couldn't get hold of him at all

Does he do this regularly?

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