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AIBU?

Residential trip

108 replies

lollipoprainbow · 22/09/2022 18:14

Autistic Dd has the year 6 residential trip coming up. It's three days and two nights away. It's to an activity centre in the new forest and I know she will hate it. Plus being away from home and friendship issues in the class. I'm not sending her, seems like she is the only one not going. She's upset today as everyone is the class is talking excitedly about it and she feels so left out but I know she will feel so miserable if she goes. Have I done the right thing?

OP posts:

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SadSuzie · 22/09/2022 18:16

Nope you’re listening to your gut
Thats the right thing x

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 22/09/2022 18:16

Did you ask her if she wanted to go or just decide yourself she won't like it?

Dogsogdog · 22/09/2022 18:16

Have you made the decision or her ?

titbumwillypoo · 22/09/2022 18:17

Did you not ask her if she wanted to go? I've taken autistic children on residential and they had a cracking time. Preparation and planning were the key to a good time being had.

Lulu1919 · 22/09/2022 18:18

Could she go for activities but not overnight as a compromise..or are you too far away ?
Could she do one night ?
Are you keeping her home whilst the others are away ?

lollipoprainbow · 22/09/2022 18:18

Once she heard all her the class talking about it she wanted to go, but I know her so well and I won't be there to pick up the pieces when the friendships all go wrong as they do frequently. I explained to her and she agrees she doesn't want to go.

OP posts:

lollipoprainbow · 22/09/2022 18:21

@Lulu1919 no we live too far away and I have to work, I'm keeping her off school and will work from home.

OP posts:

TrashyPanda · 22/09/2022 18:21

Is there any way she could attend the daytime activities and then come home/stay in a Travel Lodge with you in the evening?

that way she would still be involved.

SpeckofDustUponMySoul · 22/09/2022 18:22

Well, you clearly don't think you're being unreasonable, so very little point in posting.
🤷

Sirzy · 22/09/2022 18:23

If she really does want to go then I would talk through what it will involve with her and then talk to the school about how they can support her.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 22/09/2022 18:23

lollipoprainbow · 22/09/2022 18:18

Once she heard all her the class talking about it she wanted to go, but I know her so well and I won't be there to pick up the pieces when the friendships all go wrong as they do frequently. I explained to her and she agrees she doesn't want to go.

So you didn't even ask her and then, when she decided maybe she wanted to go, you told her it would be shit and she'd hate it?

Thurlow · 22/09/2022 18:25

I think you need to have a better discussion with her. She’s old enough to understand what she might struggle with and make decisions based on how she feels and what coping strategies you and the school can put in place.

Orangesandlemons82 · 22/09/2022 18:27

It sounds a bit like you decided for her and then told her how awful it would be when she did want to go? I know how tough it is, my son has autism but I really believe the staff know him well enough and his particular needs to make his residential trip a success.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 22/09/2022 18:29

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 22/09/2022 18:23

So you didn't even ask her and then, when she decided maybe she wanted to go, you told her it would be shit and she'd hate it?

Show quote history

Sounds like my mother.

Guess what? Everything she said I'd hate were things I wanted to do and did a few of them as an adult - but not everything, as some were once in a lifetime opportunities.

Couldn't stand the idea of me being different to her or gaining any notions of independence. I moved out at 16 and last spoke to her willingly aged 48 at a funeral after ten years' NC.

Orangesandlemons82 · 22/09/2022 18:31

Do you think it's you that would struggle with the residential as you would be unable to control things for your DD? Surely the school would handle any friendship issues?

ClocksGoingBackwards · 22/09/2022 18:32

You don’t know for certain that she will hate it, even if you know she’s likely to be nervous to begin with. I was terrified when my autistic ds went on his first residential in primary, but he had an amazing time and achieved so much more than he would have done if he’d done exactly the same holiday with family.

I’d send her.

cestlavielife · 22/09/2022 18:34

Send her

MiniCooperLover · 22/09/2022 18:41

My DS missed his residential rial last year due to covid but his best friend who is Autistic went and loved it! He was sad as they'd been due to share a room but other than that he had a great time. She is telling you she wants to go!

cakewench · 22/09/2022 18:43

My ASD DS was categorically against going on his yr 6 residential trip. I did go with his wishes, though I spent a lot of time casually checking if he was 'still sure', because I knew the school would try to make it happen if he changed his mind. Unfortunately, Covid decided for us.

Honestly, I would let her go if she wants to go. I'm sure you can come up with a contingency plan if needed. Year 6 is a good age for it. (My DS was not at all ready for it in yr 4 and I agreed with that, but they change so much by yr 6)

Goldencarp · 22/09/2022 18:48

My son was dead against the year 6 trip. I booked it anyway. He moaned and cried but had a fantastic time, like I knew he would. Didn’t stop talking about it fir about a month. If you know your own child though I guess you are not being unreasonable.

creamwitheverything · 22/09/2022 18:50

I was in your position last year , I sent mine,,eventuallly,She loved every second,The wobbly bits which occured were handled beautifully by the teachers as they were all familiar with my dd, It was far worse for me at home I can promise you, Another point to mention is my dds school expected every child who was not going to attend school in another class,That too could be upsetting to your dds routine,keeping the kids off school was so not an option, Do what I did provisionally book the place then try to get your dd used to the idea and make a final decision maybe a week before due to go, Our dds school were very supportive of this approach.

Noviembre · 22/09/2022 18:51

You've prevented her going and now she's upset?

How about letting her join in and do what she wants to do?

She must be devastated being so left out. And she'll never tell you any more of her playground squabbles if you pull her out of trips over it.

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lollipoprainbow · 22/09/2022 19:00

The school aren't great at sorting out issues so I just know she will get overlooked and left to struggle. She's part of a three friendship group and is frequently left out, the other two have already talked about sharing a bunk bed and sitting on the coach together and this is before they knew my dd wasn't going, now they are just rubbing her face in it constantly discussing it in front of her.

OP posts:

lollipoprainbow · 22/09/2022 19:01

@sparepantsandtoothbrush no I didn't tell her it would be 'shit' did I say that ??

OP posts:

creamwitheverything · 22/09/2022 19:07

Thing is OP if your dd is part of a 3 friendship and the other 2 are going she will be even more left out by not getting to experience what they do, Why not get school to do a buddy system to try to widen your dds friendship groups? might help her a bit ? Its so difficult bless you

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