to be worried that my best mate is emigrating?

[bigbumhole]

My best mate of 18 years has announced that she is planning on emigrating to Canada with her arse hole of a boyfriend.

I'm really worried for her and i think she's making a huge mistake.

Her BF is bit of a cretin, always shows her up and humiliates her in front of everyone, makes fun of her bad points, and spends all her money. Her family hate him (so its not just me being bias towards her)

To me, she seems to know this, but turns a blind eye to it all. Shes an incredibly sensitive lady, and quite emotional weak.

I expressed my upset to her and also said "i cant believe i wont see for years" to which she answered "as if, you guys will come over all the time to see us, so will everyone else and my family".

We certainly cant afford to fly to Canada with 2 little kids in tow, and even if we did, DH couldn't have to the time off work and i certainly wont go alone with the children. She seems to think that all her friends and family will "pop" over every month or so to see her.

Her parents are retired and very much set in their ways and her brother is a unemployed. They certainly wont be going to visit her either.

She doesn't seem to understand what a huge, life changing commitment she is going to make and im certain that if she goes she'll be very unhappy and very lonely there. If it makes any difference, she's 23 years old and doesn't always know what she wants.

Should i tell her or let her make her own path in life, even if its the wrong one?

PS incase anyone is wondering, im not the jealous bitter best mate who gets left behind, i truly am worried for her well being

If the relationship is as dodgy as you say and her folks/friends are unlikely to visit, it probably won't last for long anyway. You've got to let her make her own decisions and be as supportive as you can, or risk losing your friendship.

I can see why you're worried but at 23, she can afford to make some mistakes and resolve them when she comes home.

Thanks, i didn't want to say anything to her TBH, as im sure she'd go anyway despite my disapproval, which would lead to her leaving on bad terms which i would have hated.

Ho hum, looks like im in for a bumpy ride eh

As someone who left Canada for the UK at 25 (and just returned 7 years later with DH in tow) my only advice I can give you is to be patient and make an effort.

In the end I ended up coming back because my friends had worked so hard at maintaining the friendship. Some people came over every years others only once in 7 years, and some never but they all remembered birthdays and christmases and sent emails and family pics.

It is a very small world and getting cheaper and cheaper to fly so never say never (I bet she travels more than she expects to!).

The boy friend thing sounds like an issue but immigrating is very very hard and may make her a stronger person. I know it did me. Just be there for her and it will all work out in the end!

Good luck!

Thanks BabyBump, good words from you there! I will make a huge effort regarding birthdays and stuff, but i think she just doesn't seem to realize what a huge change its going to be for her stating over new in every aspect.

I really hope it works out for her but im dreading her going then ringing me in tears saying shes done the wrong thing!

Shes got an amazing job here and shes worked very hard to get 3 promotions in 2 years, now shes going to throw it all away

We wont be going there at all, i said bit of a fib, infact DH has a heffty criminal record which restricts him from entering the USA or Canada, so its a definite no no from our side. Men?!

its lovely that you are so concerned for her well being, to be honest I wouldnt tell her my fears because as you said it could lead to bad feeling just make sure she knows you are always there for her and if possible tell her to make sure she always has money somewhere so she can come home if she needs to

Oh she'll call you in tears... I cried every day for 3 weeks when I got to London and I had been ecstatic about going!

hahaha Its probably a good thing we don't always know how huge the changes in our lives are going to be otherwise we'd never do anything.

Regardless of what happens she will be changed by it but coming back whenever is never as difficult as it sounds.