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AIBU?

Am I being moody?

45 replies

bellbellb · 22/09/2022 12:10

Im curious to hear what other people think of this situation and how they would personally handle it.


We get on with our neighbours relatively well, they have four children, two of which are the same age as two of ours and they all play together regularly out the front of our house as we live at the end of a culdesac.

The only time we really knock on their door is if we have a parcel we have taken in for them, maybe very occasionally about something else but we don't like to bother them especially as they have a disabled daughter who requires a lot of care. The husband however, is knocking on our door almost every day, half the time just for a chat, to which he has his youngest with him who he will allow to just run into our house and start playing/getting toys out ect. On occasions it's been really bad timing, for example we have literally just had a baby start of September, on the days leading up to having our new baby I had to go into hospital for reduced movements and so my partner had to come home from work and do tea and get our children to bed. Whilst he was making tea the husband knocked on the door with two of his children AND his dog which have all come steaming into the house, we have a 10 month old dog ourselves who was super excited to have another dog in the house and was going hyper active so my partner had to shut him in the kitchen where he was then going crazy trying to get out, all whilst the neighbour allowed his dog to run all around our house going on our sofa which we don't even allow our dog to do (because of having young children). My partners tried telling him that I am in hospital and so he's trying to get everything sorted before it's late so it’s not the best time but he still just stands there chatting letting his kids make a huge mess and the dog run round whilst ours is locked in the kitchen going crazy.

The latest incident was yesterday, I am home alone with our 3 year old, 3 week old baby and the dog. Our baby has quite bad colic at the moment, so around midday I spent 2 hours trying to settle him and get him to sleep which finally to my relief I did. As I go to finally make lunch for me and my daughter he knocks on the door with his youngest and asks if I want to have her to play for half an hour, I respond with the fact we were just about to have our lunch. He responded with 'aw she'll be ok, it's 1:30pm now so if I grab her around 2:30pm?' At this point she's already ran in the house and woke up the baby who's now screaming again, I'm stood holding the dog at the front door who's super excited and can feel myself about to burst into tears from where I had a real bad night sleep with the baby and being mentally exhausted from just trying to get him down for the last two hours, whilst still needing to give my 3 year old lunch. Anyway he leaves and I let go of the dog who goes crashing into their little girl as he's so excited by now (she is 3 too), so I have to lock him in the kitchen to which he is howling the house down as he wants to get out, this then means I definitely can't get the baby back down as the dog just keeps waking him up but I can't let the dog out incase he hurts the little girl. So I can't go into the kitchen to finish making lunch because I have the baby in my arms now and so my daughter ends up having lunch close to 3pm when he finally picks her up. Sorry this has gone into a massive rant I know - but it just seems to be endless at the moment.
I just wouldn't put things like this onto other people, let alone when they have just had a baby? It's not just the children/dog running into our house either, they constantly use our drive when they've never asked if that's ok, their children make a game of throwing things over the fence into our garden which our dog constantly finds, on occasion it's been things that if he ate it could of potentially hurt him, the husband is constantly leant over our fence as well so he can chat so we get no privacy whenever we're out there, they got a new puppy a couple days after we came home with the baby which is obviously fine but they let him cry from about 3am onwards until they wake up which keeps me awake after I've already been awake with the baby feeding in the night - I'm so so exhausted. The husband even joked about the fact they're having an extension built start of October so I won't be able to get any sleep in the day now either.

I just don't know how to handle this situation. Am I just unsociable and moody for being like this or is this situation reasonable to be stressed out about? The thing is, we see them near enough every day. The last thing I want is to fall out with them and make things awkward by being firmer with the husband, the children get on well and I do get on with the mum as well - the main problem is the husband. I don't want to cause an atmosphere but at the same time I am at breaking point, how does someone handle this situation without making it awkward?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

78 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
3%
You are NOT being unreasonable
97%
AuntieDolly · 22/09/2022 12:14

You're being taken advantage of for child care. Either don't t answer the door, or in yesterday's incident I would have told him to take his daughter home and don't knock again.

SavoirFlair · 22/09/2022 12:15

how does someone handle this situation without making it awkward?

he has already made it awkward with his bizarre approach to boundaries and stuff

I think as other MN’ers often say, it’s “time to set some boundaries”.

options include

• tell him “I often have my hands full with little one - I can’t answer the door always, so just text me if you want to arrange a play date

• don’t answer the door; then text later to explain the above and arrange play dates at YOUR convenience


he acts with impunity because you let him. Stop.

Quartz2208 · 22/09/2022 12:18

You need to simply learn to say no - you are being used because he cant cope.

DOnt open the door wide enough to let them in. Start to have clear boundaries and say it doesnt work for you and tell him that.

Topgub · 22/09/2022 12:19

Awww cmon op


You're being an absolute mug.

If you cant tell them to fuck off just dont open the door.

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 22/09/2022 12:22

Get a chain on the door and use it!

MrAgonyAunt · 22/09/2022 12:25

Sadly, some people find it hard to say no and when things get out of hand it means problems.

I rarely had a problem for say no and many people did not like me for that. Guess what, those same people that disliked me for that, now older and possibly wiser and or fed up of being taken advantage of say no.

I'm always ready to help my family but if I feel they are taking the p I'd say so and it is much easier for me to say that to others in a very polite way

I do not ask for help until it is a last resport and people appreciate that

SalviaOfficinalis · 22/09/2022 12:26

Don’t let them in. You’ll have to be really firm.
“You can’t come in right now, but DD can come to your house if you like 😁”

bellbellb · 22/09/2022 12:34

SavoirFlair · 22/09/2022 12:15

how does someone handle this situation without making it awkward?

he has already made it awkward with his bizarre approach to boundaries and stuff

I think as other MN’ers often say, it’s “time to set some boundaries”.

options include

• tell him “I often have my hands full with little one - I can’t answer the door always, so just text me if you want to arrange a play date

• don’t answer the door; then text later to explain the above and arrange play dates at YOUR convenience


he acts with impunity because you let him. Stop.

Thank you for your response!


I've been really struggling to find a way to word it in a way that wouldn't make things awkward, but the way you said about having hands full with little ones is definitely a good idea so thank you!

Unfortunately we can't see who is at our front door until we have answered it so ignoring the door isn't always an option when waiting for parcels ect, but on the days I'm not expecting anything I may just start doing that!!

both me and my partner really do need to start sticking up for ourselves I think, we just absolutely hate drama and want an easy stress free life! Just this is starting to cause way more stress with us not saying anything so I think it’s time to get a back bone 😬

Thank you again.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 22/09/2022 12:35

Sorry, op, but of course you know how to handle this, you just aren't. You're being a doormat and allowing this oaf of a man to run roughshod all over you. You tell him NO and that you won't be entertaining him or his kid. Don't open the door, even. This man is a menace and clearly doesn't care about your needs, so it's up to you to assert yourself.

bellbellb · 22/09/2022 12:40

MrAgonyAunt · 22/09/2022 12:25

Sadly, some people find it hard to say no and when things get out of hand it means problems.

I rarely had a problem for say no and many people did not like me for that. Guess what, those same people that disliked me for that, now older and possibly wiser and or fed up of being taken advantage of say no.

I'm always ready to help my family but if I feel they are taking the p I'd say so and it is much easier for me to say that to others in a very polite way

I do not ask for help until it is a last resport and people appreciate that

We do definitely need to get better at standing up for ourselves, I just hate coming across as rude but in reality it wouldn’t be us being rude when he’s the one not respecting boundaries I guess.

That’s the thing, we rarely rarely ask for anything from people, we don’t like putting people out at all, and if anyone does do anything for us we make it very clear they are not obliged to nor would there be hard feelings if they were unable to/didn’t want to.
so when people ask of things from us I just don’t know how to say no, I think in my head that it will cause drama which I never want!

OP posts:
Cigarettesaftersex1 · 22/09/2022 12:42

Fuck that, your neighbours don't care about being rude, who in the right mind would dump their toddler on you knowing you've already got a toddler and a fucking newborn!

Sorry for swearing but these people don't give a crap about you, they are just using you so don't worry about being rude to them, the cheeky fuckers

BitOutOfPractice · 22/09/2022 12:43

In these circs I don't think it's rude to say "As you can clearly see, this is not a great time. See you later!" and shut the door.

Put your foot inside the door and speak through a small opening so noone can get in and out.

andtheweedonkey · 22/09/2022 12:49

You need a "Ring" or other camera-type doorbell so you can see who it is without moving from the sofa...and if you do answer the door use a chain so they his kids/dog can't get in and you can keep the toddler/pup inside.
Just be blunt and say thru the gap "Sorry, not now" then shut the door.

ForestofD · 22/09/2022 12:49

Can you put a baby gate in your hallway?

So they can't just run in? You could say it's there to stop the dog running out but really it's to slow them down enough for you to say no.

MakingNBaking · 22/09/2022 12:50

Get a video doorbell and always be 'just getting into the bath' or 'not feeling up to much' or 'got visitors here at the mo'.
Your front door is fitted for your convenience so that you can come and go, not for everyone else's convenience. Same with your phone, it's for you to contact people not to be available for other people 24/7. Neither has to be answered or opened.

bellbellb · 22/09/2022 12:57

Thank you for all the responses!!

I think all this time I’ve been trying to figure out way to say to get them to back off without making it awkward - never thought of ways to try and avoid them so these are genius!! Looking at ring doorbells now lol. And baby gate could be a good idea as well - although our stairs are before our front room door and they have shot upstairs to my daughters room on many occasions to so would need the whole house baby gated 🤣

OP posts:
Aubriella · 22/09/2022 12:57

What are you actually getting out of this friendship with the neighbours?

Don't worry about being rude, don't explain, don't ask him to text about playdates.

Just say no to everything and shut the door.

Get a Ring doorbell and don't even open the door to them.

And block the blasted children from entering your home!

Aquamarine1029 · 22/09/2022 12:59

Why are you so hung up on this being "awkward?" He's the one making this awkward, not you, and he isn't a friend, that's for sure. He's a user. The only reason this is going on is because you're allowing it to.

MRSE20 · 22/09/2022 12:59

It is really hard to be upfront sometimes but unless you say something, this situation is going to continue. They seem friendly, but too friendly. Just dropping off their kid with you is taking advantage IMO. I can’t work out from your post if they are taking advantage or if they just think you’re total best friends and can just invite themselves in

Could you not knock at their door at some point and just tell them that with your toddler and new baby you’ve got a lot on and won’t be able to answer the door or have their child as much or at all as you used too but maybe you could sort out a WhatsApp group to arrange play dates that suit you both

andtheweedonkey · 22/09/2022 13:06

@bellbellb You'll be fine.
Baby gates aren't that expensive if it saves your sanity and keeps your baby asleep
Brew have a peaceful afternoon and ignore the door if they knock. You're very important and busy! Remember that.

Suzi888 · 22/09/2022 13:11

YOUR worried about making it awkward! He clearly isn’t! He is rude.

Glad I don’t live next door to your neighbour, there would be a whole world of pain awaiting him😂. He is very cheeky OP- to say the least. Get a ring doorbell so you can view said cf before opening door.

Chdjdn · 22/09/2022 13:14

I think you need to make peace with being a bit rude or feeling rude as he’s being very rude but with a smile.

Sparkletastic · 22/09/2022 13:34

I'm giving you a gentle shake OP. You know he is taking the piss. Start putting boundaries in place. It doesn't matter if you sound cross or upset. If he had any sensitivity he wouldn't be constantly interrupting and putting upon a knackered mum with a newborn.

Abitofalark · 22/09/2022 13:35

Only very close friends with mutual understanding can run children and dogs into and out of each other's houses at will. As you are not that, you will have to set about creating distance between you and the neighbour's visiting children and dogs. You can use a variety of techniques to establish that you are not available upon call.

The easiest and most effective way is simply not to answer the doorbell when it is inconvenient or you are simply not in the mood for seeing or entertaining neighbours' children or animals. Another would be to stick head out of window and say 'I can't come to the door now.' Or put on your coat, open door a little, and say, 'I am just going out ' and shut it, or open door a sliver with phone in hand, head peeping round door and mouth 'I'm busy now, I'll speak to you later,' and carry on your phone conversation loudly and shut the door. Or, as above, and 'I've got visitors'. It will eventually sink in that you are not always available, and over time a new pattern will be established whereby they don't ring as often as now.

Boxofsockss · 22/09/2022 13:39

You need to tell him straight. Don’t let his kids run in your house. The word you are looking for is No. stop acting like a door mat

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