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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How much is too much?

29 replies

Sixsmith · 22/09/2022 08:33

I have a little boy who is 8. We love cuddles. He comes in for a morning cuddle when he wakes up and snuggles in. He gets lots of squeezes and kisses.
My husband says it's strange and I'll give him a complex and make him weird. He said you can't do that when he's a teenager, you know.
Yes, I know. He won't want cuddles with his mum then (and neither will I, ugh teenagers) so while he still wants a cuddle, I'll give him one.

Is this unreasonable? Is DH right and I should stop?

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 22/09/2022 08:35

No, you keep cuddling him as long as you can.

TimeAtTheBar · 22/09/2022 08:36

DH is bonkers.

Our youngest DS is nearly 11 and still v v cuddly. At 8 he was using any excuse to come into bed with us at night for cuddles. Your H is making an issue out of something very normal and lovely.

Bicthebiro · 22/09/2022 08:37

Your DH is the weird one. It sounds like he was not brought up to show or experience physical affection. I grew up not being shown much physical affection and cuddle the shit out of my kids.

RedRobyn2021 · 22/09/2022 08:38

Your DH perhaps is just responding to the way he was raised, which is sad. But there's nothing wrong with a child and their mum having a cuddle, pretty much as wholesome as it gets

HelloAvocado · 22/09/2022 08:38

YANBU to cuddle your 8yo.
YABU to say "ugh teenagers". You can still hug them then!

NoSquirrels · 22/09/2022 08:39

Your DH either has issues from his own upbringing, or is jealous.

Keep hugging your son.

RedRobyn2021 · 22/09/2022 08:40

HelloAvocado · 22/09/2022 08:38

YANBU to cuddle your 8yo.
YABU to say "ugh teenagers". You can still hug them then!

Yeah I thought the same! Definitely still needed hugs from my mum as a teen! And an adult tbh

hadtochangetothisone · 22/09/2022 08:41

Personally I find teenagers super cuddly..sons and daughters .. and only get more cuddly as they get older .

Original poster
Sixsmith · 22/09/2022 08:41

Looks like 10 more years of cuddles at least for me then.

OP posts:
ladywithnomanors · 22/09/2022 08:43

He’s 8! I still cuddle my 17 DS. Everyone needs a cuddle.

Gigia · 22/09/2022 08:46

Your DH is ridiculous. I still get hugs off my ds who is 21!

Musicaltheatremum · 22/09/2022 08:47

Sixsmith · 22/09/2022 08:41

Looks like 10 more years of cuddles at least for me then.

No...20 years! My son is 27 and still hugs me 🤗🤗

quietnightmare · 22/09/2022 08:50

Never stop hugging him until he says so which will likely be a teenage phase and then boom in his 20s he'll start hugging you again. Hugs are so precious x

gamerchick · 22/09/2022 08:58

They usually stop when puberty hits and their bodies start to change. Enjoy it while you can.

Cw112 · 22/09/2022 09:00

Aww what a sweetheart he is. One day he'll get into bed for a cuddle like that for the last time and you won't even know its the last time, so I would soak up all those lovely cuddles for as long as he's willing and encourage dh to do the same. Those years go by far too quickly and we don't even notice half the time.

Noviembre · 22/09/2022 09:01

Gratz you married a weird homophobe.

ManateeFair · 22/09/2022 09:04

Your DH is a massive weirdo. It’s totally normal to be tactile with your kids. If your son hated it that would be different, but if he likes a cuddle then it would horrible not to cuddle him. Yes, he might not always be this cuddly, but he’ll soon let you know if he’s not keen. I’m 46 and my mum still gives me a great big hug and a kiss every time she sees me.

MermaidEyes · 22/09/2022 09:07

My girls are young adults now and they still love a cuddle from both mum and dad (on their terms though, obviously 😁)

MugginsOverEre · 22/09/2022 09:07

No no no! Never too many cuddles.

DH works nights either two or three nights a week. DS10 sleeps in my bed those nights! We love a sleepover and stealing cuddles! Other nights sometimes any of my two teen DDs or DH will have a sleepover with DS just cos they can. (Or DH fancies a night without my snoring... sorry DH!)
Everyone here has double beds because the kids all liked to bed share and sometimes still do.

One day our little boys will want to stop the cuddles. I pray that it is a long time away for us all.

My parents weren't cuddlers and when DSis or I tried, it would be a quick one and a push away with "alright, alright, go and play now or I need to go do xxx"
We did not have good teen years. Mum used the excuse that we were shitty teens acting out. Looking back it's just because she was a crappy, distant (and now I realise, narcissistic) mum and it was my teen years that I stopped giving a shit about her. I gave her the same as I received. It's just more obvious when I teen is at it. I have to wonder that if she showed love (or had any for me) things would have been vastly different?

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 22/09/2022 09:08

Boys who grow up deprived of kind platonic physical affection from trusted loved ones are the ones more likely to have unbalanced psyches and potentially be problematic men with problematic ego's.
Love your boy and teach him that trusting love is a good thing and physical affection doesn't equate to sexual contact (which is a message it seems your dh has internalised consciously or otherwise)... If you do this it will equip him to enjoy the full range of emotional experiences with anyone in his life, not just limit everything to its it sex or not.

My ds is 12 and doesn't often want bedtime snuggles now unless he's had a bad nightmare but he does excellent hugs and often gives me hugs when sees I need one. An emotionally intelligent boy who can trust his feelings - that's the goal.

Boxofsockss · 22/09/2022 09:10

What is wrong with showing your child love and affection ? I find your husbands view weird if anything. My daughter is so young at the moment and I’d be ecstatic if she is cuddly still at that age.

ThisUserNameIsAvailableOk · 22/09/2022 09:10

Why don't you like teenagers? Your husband is a weirdo btw.

AlwaysGinPlease · 22/09/2022 09:10

Your DH is weird. I'd be rethinking my marriage if he has that attitude.

Pumpkinandgingerspice · 22/09/2022 09:12

Your dh is being very weird. I cuddle my 7 year old hundreds of times a day and will do for as long as he's comfortable.

millymog11 · 22/09/2022 09:13

You should 100% ignore your husband and you should carry on cuddling (or as he gets into older teenage years upright hugs) for as long as your son wants. Your DH is being ridiculous.