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AIBU?

To do this for my friend’s DD

101 replies

Mummyissleepy · 22/09/2022 06:03

I’m a head of department in quite a large corporation. My department gets quite a lot of unpaid work experience requests from young people. I have always declined them due to the volume we get. However now my best friend’s DD has asked if I have any unpaid work experience opportunities in my team. Would I be unreasonable to break my own rule (of declining work experience requests) and offer her work experience in my team?

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Am I being unreasonable?

317 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
55%
You are NOT being unreasonable
45%
Dannexe · 22/09/2022 06:06

No

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Woodsparrow · 22/09/2022 06:07

Ywnbu, it's nice to be able to do something helpful and no for a friend yoy care about. You don't have to treat everyone the same and do favours for everyone

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olympicsrock · 22/09/2022 06:07

I think you should help this young person if you can as long as you can make the argument that you know she will be hardworking , a good fit within the team.

You don’t normally have the time to vet / select work experience but this girl doesn’t require an interview

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Mummyissleepy · 22/09/2022 06:08

Dannexe · 22/09/2022 06:06

No

No I shouldn’t do it or no I’m not being unreasonable?

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RudsyFarmer · 22/09/2022 06:08

Do it. That’s what friends are for.

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PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 22/09/2022 06:08

Offer her work experience.

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Mummyissleepy · 22/09/2022 06:08

olympicsrock · 22/09/2022 06:07

I think you should help this young person if you can as long as you can make the argument that you know she will be hardworking , a good fit within the team.

You don’t normally have the time to vet / select work experience but this girl doesn’t require an interview

This is what I’m thinking, it would be nice to do something for her and help her. I would do the same if it was one of my team who brought a situation like this to me.

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Dannexe · 22/09/2022 06:10

Mummyissleepy · 22/09/2022 06:08

No I shouldn’t do it or no I’m not being unreasonable?

No you are not being unreasonable. Give her the work experience.

I have endless requests. It’s disruptive and time consuming. It has little value gif the organisation. I only do it for close friends.

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Darbs76 · 22/09/2022 06:10

It’s often not what you know, but who you know. Sad but true. In my department it’s a local decision. So yes I’d do it for someone I know, but we only get requests from colleagues children etc.

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pigbenis · 22/09/2022 06:11

I'd give it to her.

It's not what you know but who you know after all!

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cstx89 · 22/09/2022 06:24

It could look like you are abusing your position. What if you team had friends or family that were looking for unpaid experience, would you allow it? After doing this for your friend you would need to.

You may loose the respect of you team/colleagues.

Just wanted to give you a different perspective to avoid backlash.

Good luck though Flowers

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Mummyissleepy · 22/09/2022 06:26

cstx89 · 22/09/2022 06:24

It could look like you are abusing your position. What if you team had friends or family that were looking for unpaid experience, would you allow it? After doing this for your friend you would need to.

You may loose the respect of you team/colleagues.

Just wanted to give you a different perspective to avoid backlash.

Good luck though Flowers

Yes I would allow it for friends or family of my team but not for people we don’t know due to the volume of requests. If that makes sense?

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3totheright4totheleft · 22/09/2022 06:32

But this is how inequality persists into the workplace. Young people without connections struggle to get unpaid experience and this has a knock-on effect on their success at getting a first job. I work in a large company where a lot of youngsters are desperate to work, and help to run the work experience scheme within our department. Family referrals are banned and everyone has to apply through a portal from which they are then randomly selected.

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littlemisscreative · 22/09/2022 06:34

Nepotism

I dont think it's fair but lifes not fair.

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Hoolihan · 22/09/2022 06:36

If there are opportunities available they should be offered on a fair and open basis imo. Can't stand nepotism.

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Hoolihan · 22/09/2022 06:40

If you work for a large corporation there will presumably be an EDI policy in place to cover this kind of situation (and rightly so)? I would check you are not in breach.

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Mummyissleepy · 22/09/2022 06:42

Hoolihan · 22/09/2022 06:40

If you work for a large corporation there will presumably be an EDI policy in place to cover this kind of situation (and rightly so)? I would check you are not in breach.

There’s nothing in our policy about work experience, I had a look yesterday

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TeenDivided · 22/09/2022 06:46

3totheright4totheleft · 22/09/2022 06:32

But this is how inequality persists into the workplace. Young people without connections struggle to get unpaid experience and this has a knock-on effect on their success at getting a first job. I work in a large company where a lot of youngsters are desperate to work, and help to run the work experience scheme within our department. Family referrals are banned and everyone has to apply through a portal from which they are then randomly selected.

The first half of this is how I feel.
If you can't get a similar job without experience, and you can't get experience without a favour, how do those without connections get on?

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Mummyoflittledragon · 22/09/2022 06:55

I get you have tons of requests. I would do it.

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Plexie · 22/09/2022 06:56

I'm surprised by the number of posters supporting nepotism.

You say you would allow your team members to put people forward, but do they know that? They might assume only you are allowed to break your own ban and not them. Or they might not know anyone needing work experience anyway, so you'll be seen as the only one making an exception to the rule.

Ultimately it depends on how much you believe in fairness of opportunity.

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Campervangirl · 22/09/2022 07:19

I would, we took on work experience students in my previous role and I facilitated the program.
We also had lots of outside requests but the staffs family and friends DC always had first dibs.
I loved the experience of having young people around, showing them the ropes, setting tasks, chit chatting during the day.
The majority of our apprentices came through our work experience program

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Hoardasurass · 22/09/2022 07:20

Don't do this it's disgusting nepotism and not ok.
You would be abusing your position to favour your friends dd and in most companies I've worked in is a sackable offence (gross misconduct)

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Lds1 · 22/09/2022 07:24

If you've made it clear to team members that their family/friends would be accepted then I think that's fine. If that's not previously been made clear then I wouldn't. It would look like you're making up your own rules.

Your team could have been approached by others already and said no, or that there's no point asking as all requests have been refused.

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picklemewalnuts · 22/09/2022 07:25

On an individual basis, you're desire to help her makes sense.

On a wider basis it really doesn't. As a pp says it embeds structural inequality.

The young person most likely to do well at work experience is the one who put the most effort in to get noticed- with a great first approach. They are more likely to be ambitious, and more likely to benefit from the experience.

It's one of those situations where you need to consider whether you should do the best for individuals, or for wider society.

Does your DD's friend have any wider barriers to access? Minority ethnic, care background etc?

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ColadhSamh · 22/09/2022 07:25

No you should not, as others have said it is nepotism. Her daughter should be asking herself not getting her mother to do it for her.

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