To ask you to make the major decisions in my life

[cerealatmidnight]

Just got a surprise new job at the same time as we're selling our house (no offers yet)
Trying to figure out the logistics of what to do regarding childcare, school etc
Option 1: take job, don't move house, kids in breakfast club, forty minute commute
Pros: new, better paid job, kids in same school
Cons: stuck in house we don't like, area we don't like, closer to secondary choice time so more likely to end up having to stay in the area, traffic is awful from this area

Option 2: move house, don't take job, kids stay in school, try to position for better secondary
Pros: more time with DC's as can do pick up twice a week, they stay in school they like, we get to move from area
Cons: not sure I will get promotion again if I turn this down but flexibility with current role (although shit pay and no promotion opportunities at all)

Option 3: move to near new work, change school to one local to work, no bfast club needed but afterschool will be. Cheaper house. Better secondary options (possibly)
Pros: get to walk to school and work which I do at the moment and love. Nice area.
Cons: kids move school, might never forgive me, what if I hate new job and we've changed everything for it?

Option 4: try to find somewhere in the middle to live and keep kids in school and take new job. They will need bfast and afterschool
Pros: every one is happy (ish)
Cons; lot of driving. Middle area is rough.

Option 5: don't move house or move job. I can walk to school and work. I enjoy my job. I might never get a pay rise and feel quietly undervalued but hey! Also I love my house, just wish I could pick it up and move it.

Option 6: split with useless partner who is not helping at all, rent flat by new work, figure out where he will live and then only have to worry about the school/ commute twice per week.

Option 7: au pair to take kids to school and pick up?

From that list, option 3. Feels like option 6 might need a thrash of its own though...

Option 6

Option 3 has potential but I'd want more concrete info on the secondary possibilities before uprooting the kids.

When does the job start? Can you postpone the moving until after you've got a feel for the job, then make the next lot of decisions off the back of whether you think you'll be happy staying in it longterm?

Option 4 feels like everyone would be miserable after not very long even if it looks like the middle ground choice right now.

Option 6

Well this doesn't make much sense. You have zero control over the timing of selling/moving. The issues are separate. Bundling them together is only going to cause you further stress and anxiety.

Job offer - is it good for your career long term? Well paid? Work you want to do?

The commute is always stressful and a compromise, shouldn't block you from a good job just needs negotiation with childcare and wfh/flexi. Think long term, 1-5 years if you can.

Option 3 - your kids might be hacked off now but if you are pretty sure you are going to move before secondary it's probably not even a disadvantage because they will get a chance to make some friends in the new area before starting secondary.

I'm thinking also that Option 3 is probably the better place to be in for you if you end up enacting Option 6.

Option 3

I’d be looking at where the best secondary school is for the kids.

7

Like everyone else, it’s option 3 or 6. I think you must know this really, but you have said little about your relationship issues. Sorry your head must be spinning right now.

Option 3 but don't take useless partner with you. If the kids are less than 15 they'll forgive you.

Take job stay where you are for now, start looking at houses to find either one you can commute to or option 6 if kids have at least couple of years of primary left they'll settle right in I'm sure.
You'll not regret moving to less rough area got the secondary years

How old are your kids? If below year 10 then option 3.

I agree that’s a lot of decisions to be making at one time, some out of your control so they need separating.

How far is the job from your current home? Is it commutable short term? Then you consider whether you do need to move or want to leave your partner and take it from there. It sounds like you’re quite unhappy currently although you’ve not gone into that much so allow yourself the happiness of the new job if you want to and can make it work. It might change your perspective on the other stuff too.

@Merlott healthcare so no working from home unfortunately and presumably not much flexibility until I've been there a while.

I think my problem is that I love my kids current school. It's tiny, very nurturing. My daughter has some form of asd, adhd, SPD and they are great at coaxing her out of herself. My son has a great group of friends.
There are downsides to the school such as its lack of good after school clubs and that most of the parents seem to do every pick up and drop off meaning the kids that don't have that feel a bit left behind.
I would try anything to keep them in there. The parents all have various ideas of what they will do at secondary, some going private, some moving in year 6, meaning very few will go to the local secondary. The local one isn't bad at all, but it's massive! Very pro sports and obsessive about uniform, which won't suit my DD at all. I want her to go to somewhere smaller, but we would need a diagnosis by that time. Otherwise we get given the nearest school.