AIBU?
Fiance didn't even get a card for birthday
mummabear34 · 21/09/2022 23:00
So I've been with my partner a LONG time, we are getting married next year. It was my birthday last week and we had plans to spend the morning together and he had planned to buy me flowers on the way over apparently- I only know this due to a flippant comment he made about how he's glad he didn't buy them on the Sunday. But on my birthday morning he tested positive for COVID and did his isolation- came over when was over, no card no flowers no nothing. Same today again. Not even acknowledging it - I mentioned tonight how I only got 1 card and he replied saying he didn't see the point in getting a card etc a few days after as was pointless cuz it was over.
Its actually really upset me and I have no idea why. Am I being unreasonable?
RaRaRaspoutine · 28/09/2022 11:23
mummabear34 · 21/09/2022 23:50
Thanks for everyone agreeing with me. To me I've never really gotten spoilt or made a fuss off - my mum only got me a gift this year cuz I pulled her on the fact I was still waiting for her taking me to buy a new charm from last years birthday and had to tell her exactly what I wanted. The kids are too young to go buy something from them and no-one ever thinks to get me something from the kids so the fact that it's the first birthday after we get engaged that he would have had at least went snd got me a 3 quid bunchn of half dead flowers from garage as a token from himself even a week later.
I always make effort when comes to his so thought it was a bit rubbish.
I had the crappest birthday ever. 1 card and 1 gift - had to buy my own cake and it might as well have been like a normal Monday as was doing school runs andnfood shopping and nobody came to visit either.
We aren't living together yet so his isolation was done in his house xx
This is usually the reality of being an adult, though. We don't get cake and parties unless we organise them ourselves. Could you have bought yourself a charm and your mum gave you the money for it? Sorry to say but both parties sound immature here. You don't live together but share children and a complicated history, and neither of you seem to be able to organise stuff (he sounds far worse than you, though). You deserve better.
mummabear34 · 30/09/2022 14:52
@RRaRaRaspoutine just for clarification yes we share children and don't live together yet because when our child was conceived it was a non-commital fling that occurred via a condom breaking and me unable to take hormonal contraception including the MAP. We are still living apart until after Xmas to ensure that all debts are cleared and the house is sorted for us all moving in which I would say on my part is quite a mature thing to do.
As for your remark about how I could have bought myself a charm last year and got my mum to give Me the money- getting money from my mum is like trying to find the pot of gold under the rainbow even when she owes it to you. I am aware that part of being an adult is doing things like buying cake etc for yourself but on the other hand when you see your friends getting these things and having a fuss made of them it can sting, that isn't immaturity thats a normal human response.
mummabear34 · 01/10/2022 09:28
SparklingLime · 30/09/2022 22:48
What is your housing situation? Are you moving to somewhere new together?
Whose debts are they?
When a partner is as uncaring as he’s just been, then I think you need to get a bit common sense first about your future.
@SSparklingLime we are moving into his house, as its big enough for all of us but I will be getting put on to the tenancy agreement before hand so I have security. Oh they are my debts, It's a university payment and a small store card which i have nearly paid off.
I spoke to him about how I was feeling and he apologised profusely. He was in a store the other day where he knows my absolutely favourite thing is in it and he got me them as way of apology.
Year0fGreatChange · 01/10/2022 09:53
I thought the rules had changed that if you had covid, that you don't need to isolate ?
Secondly, he could have bought you a card & put it through your letter box & left the present on your door step, if he wanted to isolate from you
Or he could have bought online
Zero effort
I would seriously think about moving in with him
I would seriously think about marriage
mummabear34 · 01/10/2022 17:19
Year0fGreatChange · 01/10/2022 09:53
I thought the rules had changed that if you had covid, that you don't need to isolate ?
Secondly, he could have bought you a card & put it through your letter box & left the present on your door step, if he wanted to isolate from you
Or he could have bought online
Zero effort
I would seriously think about moving in with him
I would seriously think about marriage
@YeYear0fGreatChange where we are, it's the guidance to isolate for 5 days for adults and 3 for under 18s, testing to leave isolation no longer necessary and stay away from health and social care setting and vulnerable people for a further 5 days (meaning 10 in total)
inky1991 · 15/12/2022 23:58
I feel the same as you. I feel like I always put effort into peoples birthdays, and I never get the same returned. Doesn't help my birthday is in January when no one seems to give a shit.
I did a whole lovely dinner party and balloons etc for my mums 60th, as well as organised video messages from all her friends. It was my 30th a couple of months later and she popped round with a card....
My husband never really makes a fuss of me either cause he says he's bad at thinking of ideas. I realise I sound spoilt and childish, but I usually spend most of my birthdays crying cause it seems like no one really cares about me. Social media doesn't help I suppose. I'd give anything to be made a fuss of and feel special sometimes.
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