AIBU to remind / nag my DH to stand up straight?

[Chocchops72]

DH was diagnosed with osteoporosis two years ago. He’s male and only in his early 50s: it’s clearly genetic - his gran, uncle and mum all have it too.

He has been really good at taking his medication and his bone density is much improved. But he is developing such a slouched/ hunched posture! He is not super tall anyway, and has put on weight in the last year. He’s standing with his head poked forward and down, chest curved, tummy sticking out. It looks awful and it must be bad for his general spinal health, being all curved and hunched. i don’t think he notices when he is doing it.

When I remind him, he gets really offended.

AIBU to remind him to stand up straight? Or does it fall in the same category of not nagging overweight people to eat less? Should I just leave him to it?

Of course it’s nagging

You are literally describing symptoms of osteoporosis. Stop having a go at your DH for having visible signs of his disability.

Awww. Leave him be OP :)

I think it falls into the case of telling someone ‘why are you eating cake, you know you’re too fat already.’ I’d maybe say something like ‘is your back feeling sore, I saw you were a bit stiff/looked stooped or uncomfortable earlier’ but I wouldn’t be constantly nagging.

YANBU. Maybe suggest a back brace for him too.

So this is inevitable / unavoidable? Standing up straight isn’t going to do anything to help?

genuine question.

That was @MultiTulip

if it’s the inevitable result of osteoporosis then I’m going to accept that and not say anything.

Is he t-rexing? If so YANBU

@Kanaloa we’ve been married 25 years, he’d see straight through that . His back doesn’t hurt.

What’s t-rexing?

Maybe suggest some yoga classes to do together, you can do really good ones on YouTube from chiros/osteopaths, spinal and bone health is so important
Nagging is annoying tho

Maybe he is just more comfortable.

Jesus, if dp kept reminding me to stand how he expected me to, I would tell him to fuck off.

imagine a woman am coming here saying she has osteoporosis, and he husband kept nagging her about how she stands because ‘it look awful’

He needs to be going to Pilates, it will help him strengthen his core muscles and protect his spine. And yes it will help him stand up straighter. He would preferably need a one to one assessment and a small class.
I have osteopenia (hoping it won’t progress to osteoporosis), Pilates is essential for me and is definitely helping my posture.

I think that OP is trying to do the right thing. She's not looking for a way to make her DPs life worse.

It seems entirely reasonable to me for OP to wonder if DP trying to adopt a good posture would provide a health benefit to her DP (as well as having the knock on effect of helping DP be perceived as positively as possible by others). It seems the answer is no, but OP did only ask.

Yes of course. Despite ‘looks awful’ being at the top of the list and it clearly bothering him when she does do it. just looking out for him, obviously 🙄

Jesus Christ, he's a grown-up. Unless he actually asks you to nag him about his posture, leave him alone.

Of course he needs to stand up straighter if he can to help his posture but you sound hideously bossy and controlling @Chocchops72 And rather rude and offensive. Poor bloke.

YANBU. If he's only early 50s and developing a hunch, he's got many more years for it to get worse and worse and potentially need surgery to have any quality of life. Is it getting painful or hard for him to actually stand up straight?

I agree with others - try and get him into pilates or yoga. That should help immensely.

This was my first thought too 😆

Op - I think you're not being at all unreasonable! Pilates is brilliant, as per a pp I'd get him seeing a well qualified pilates instructor 1-2-1, make sure they're qualified for rehab and osteoporosis etc...A good physio may be able to point you to one.

The point is, use it or lose it. Yes he's displaying symptoms of the disease in his stance, but if he gives into it he'll be on a downward spiral and he needs to strengthen and use his muscle to support his joints and keep him mobile and pain free

By awful I mean it looks painful, he looks shrunken, ill and way older than his age. When he stands up straight, he looks like himself again. DH doesn’t want to look like this either, he’s told me that. And it must be bad for his long term mobility. His mum was so curved by her early 70s she could basically only see her own feet - neither of us want him to end up like that. The diagnosis really shook him, but the initial shock has passed and he’s slipping into different habits - or not got the same motivation to develop new ones. The constant really only prescribed medication - no particular exercises etc.

Pilates is a good call. He’s got some other health things to deal with that are restricting his ability to take on new exercises, so we will wait till those have cleared up.

I am 41 and have bone density issues due to various autoimmune diseases. I know I have bad posture but it actually hurts me to stand up straight. I’d be furious if someone kept nagging me!

He could self-refer for physio? I don’t think yoga is a good idea as it actually can cause a forward slouch. Pilates is better for strength building, but with a medical condition like osteoporosis he really should not start any exercise regimen without seeing a physio first. The physio can prescribe him specific exercises for his condition AND instruct him on what modifications he should do if he does take up yoga, Pilates, weight training, any exercise regimen. If he just starts a type of exercise, he could well injure himself.