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AIBU?

Advice needed re bullying in school

17 replies

Ladyofthemanor11 · 21/09/2022 15:12

Just looking for advice re my dd3... She came home from school today upset after the yard. She said dd2s friends were saying "your sister doesn't love you" & "you're a freak".. I have spoken very sternly to dd2 about sticking up for her sister & telling the teacher. Where do I go from here? Do I email the teacher? I've never been in this situation & I am clueless to the protocol. Tia.

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Feelingconfused2020 · 21/09/2022 15:16

Personally I would email the teacher and expect them to have a quiet word. Did dd2 give you any context because this seems very mean from her friends. Had dd3 and dd2 argued?

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Dixiechickonhols · 21/09/2022 15:18

Assuming primary age. There will be a anti bullying policy have a look online.
I’d try and get to bottom of it at home first tonight - bedtime they may open up.
It sounds possibly like DD2 has been ‘bragging’ to her friends saying she hates DD3 and she’s a freak always hanging around me and DD’s 2 mates are tattling on DD2 to DD3?
So it’s more DD2 being unkind to DD3 - sibling issues? Forgive me if that’s wrong end of stick.

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sjxoxo · 21/09/2022 15:19

Agree emailing the teacher is a good idea. Also ask for more context - is this the first time she’s said anything like this?? If this is a repeat occurrence I would say follow up absolutely but if it’s a one off and because DDs had a big fight or something then just keep an eye and send the email x

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Ladyofthemanor11 · 21/09/2022 15:22

Dixiechickonhols · 21/09/2022 15:18

Assuming primary age. There will be a anti bullying policy have a look online.
I’d try and get to bottom of it at home first tonight - bedtime they may open up.
It sounds possibly like DD2 has been ‘bragging’ to her friends saying she hates DD3 and she’s a freak always hanging around me and DD’s 2 mates are tattling on DD2 to DD3?
So it’s more DD2 being unkind to DD3 - sibling issues? Forgive me if that’s wrong end of stick.

This is my thinking too tbh, they're close in age 18 months apart & dd3 does tend to hang off dd2 alot.

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Ladyofthemanor11 · 21/09/2022 15:23

@sjxoxo dd3 said it all started last week. The girl who is the main name caller is a very quiet child which is why I don't think the teachers will takeit seriously..

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sjxoxo · 21/09/2022 15:33

If it’s not an isolated incident I would speak to the teacher xxx

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Dixiechickonhols · 21/09/2022 15:36

Ladyofthemanor11 · 21/09/2022 15:22

This is my thinking too tbh, they're close in age 18 months apart & dd3 does tend to hang off dd2 alot.

I’d try and get to bottom of it at home first. It does sound more like it’s DD2 being unkind about DD3 (crossing line between having a moan to mates and being unkind) and the other girls are relaying that to DD3 rather than the girls just being unkind to DD3 out of the blue. Obviously the right thing is for the girls to tell teacher DD2 but in interests of sibling harmony is it more something to sort at home? DD 2 don’t be rude about your sister at school. DD 3 don’t go near sister at school you can play together at home. Obviously if the girls are randomly calling younger one a freak then report it but it sounds more nuanced.

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Ladyofthemanor11 · 21/09/2022 15:40

Yes, I'm trying here to get the gist of it.. Dd3 can be quite immature, she said she went over to her sister for a hug..

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Dixiechickonhols · 21/09/2022 15:57

Ladyofthemanor11 · 21/09/2022 15:40

Yes, I'm trying here to get the gist of it.. Dd3 can be quite immature, she said she went over to her sister for a hug..

It’s tricky how old are they? If they normally get on ok I think a chat rather involving school would nip in bud and then keep
a close eye. How would DD2 feel if situation reversed and just because it’s her sister she could still be a bully and her friends bullies - I’m sure she wouldn’t want to get her friends in trouble. I’m not excusing DD2 but imagining a more she’s so annoying she’s such a freak why doesn’t she play with her own friends type rant that has been repeated to DD3. Touch of bravado if DD2 is now a junior etc. Definitely flag up with school if it carries on though.

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Maray1967 · 21/09/2022 15:57

This is a hard one, as your DD2 might not want the younger sister coming up to her while she has her friends with her. DD2 needs not to be unkind but DD3 needs her own friends.

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Sunnyqueen · 21/09/2022 16:00

Personally I'd be contacting the girls parents and yeah having a good talk with your other daughter about sticking up for her sister.

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lailamaria · 21/09/2022 16:00

it's not dd2's responsibility to hang out with her sister i bet she just felt embarrassed because she's younger and every age gap feels massive at that age

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Tigofigo · 21/09/2022 16:00

If it's a one off comment I wouldn't say it's bullying. More frustration at annoying little sister. I'd speak to both of your daughters.

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Ladyofthemanor11 · 21/09/2022 16:01

They're 10 & 8...it is a tough one. I am half imagining a scenario where dd3 is going over & dd2 friends think they're chasing her away... I'm wondering should I observe for another couple of days before contacting dd2 & dd3's teacher.
Now that dd2 knows I know what happen she might nip it in the bud herself?

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Dixiechickonhols · 21/09/2022 16:17

Is eldest in yr6 and flexing her big girl muscles and perhaps now little one is in juniors and can get access to DD2 whereas she couldn’t last year.
I’d have a chat at home and try and nip in bud. Agree rules eg play with own age friends. Definitely keep an eye out.
If it carries on then I’d tell school. The older girls shouldn’t just be saying unkind things to a younger one.

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Magnanimouse · 21/09/2022 19:15

Headteacher here. Let teacher know, and ask them to keep an eye and/or follow up, whichever you are comfortable with.

It may be two-sided (sorry, but children do get into mean arguments and then report one side of it to the parents!).

It may be the start of bullying and can be nipped in the bud.

The other kid may be regularly doing this to other children and the school need to see the pattern.

School should be able to respond appropriately given what they hear from you and what they know about the other child. They can't wave a magic wand and make all children nice, but they can keep an eye and deal with things that come up over time. But they can't do anything if they don't know, and too often things cross my desk when they've been simmering for quite a while and no-one has told us!

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TheLoupGarou · 21/09/2022 19:21

3 kids here, close in age. I have a zero tolerance policy for them being shitbags to each other and would come down like a ton of bricks on older sibling enabling bullying of younger sibling... BUT younger sibling needs to understand not to be annoying/hanging off older sibling at school - that's not on either.

I think I would ask the school to be encouraging your younger child to develop their own friendships and to be keeping an eye on things in the playground. It doesn't matter who the child in question is - you can factually email the teacher and say "this is what X said happened" and let them investigate.

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