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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I not speak to my sister after this?

30 replies

Saju1 · 21/09/2022 14:19

My sister and I own a home, which we are currently selling. I was in labour while I have her permission t complete the forms for our solicitors. 4 months down the line, I decide to take a look at the documents and it appears all of the "profit" is going directly into her bank account.

We are due to finalise all papers in two weeks, so I have contacted the solicitors to have this amended. I asked my sister why she did that and she said that she will give me half the money after.

I am so angry with my sister for doing this, why wold she just pay me half the amount after, knowing that it can be done from the beginning?

AIBU to not speak to my sister?

OP posts:
cultkid · 21/09/2022 14:20

Non issue I think
Probably an over sight

Try not to fall out with your sister it's an important relationship

Original poster
Saju1 · 21/09/2022 14:21

Cultkid

It was definitely not an oversight. Even after confronting her, she still wanted all of the money to go in her account.

OP posts:
MrsK89 · 21/09/2022 14:23

Not sure why she did but if you can get it amended problem solved. Maybe she thought it be easier going into the 1 account

mamabear715 · 21/09/2022 14:24

Thank goodness you found out..

Motherofalittledragon · 21/09/2022 14:25

I wouldn't do that with my brother but then he's a money grabbing rat!
I definitely wouldn't agree to what your sister is doing!

KatySp · 21/09/2022 14:26

Is your sister generally untrustworthy?

Personally I trust my sister so this would be a non-issue for me

TimeForTeaAndG · 21/09/2022 14:28

Is she planning to use the transaction to "prove" she has a certain amount of money eg for a mortgage application?

I wouldn't ask her again, contact the solicitor directly and ask that they amend the paperwork so half of the proceeds come directly to you.

JudgeRindersMinder · 21/09/2022 14:28

it depends on your relationship.

My sister and I did this because I handled the sale due to her having other stuff going on and she didn’t have the headspace. We split the money without issue

CarefulWithTheCabbages · 21/09/2022 14:30

I think it would have been picked up anyway. You have to get written permission from the other person to have joint money paid into a sole account
Suspious behaviour though

Yeahrepublic · 21/09/2022 14:32

The impact on your ongoing relationship surely depends on whether it was easier to nominate a single person to receive the payment or whether she was deliberately trying to take the money from you or control it in some way.

I would trust my sibling in this situation and they would trust me.

Has someone happened to make you doubt there motivations/honesty?

Thatiswild · 21/09/2022 14:32

I would think nothing of this, if you were in labour then do you think she might not have wanted to bother you for bank details? Now though, if she is still saying she still wants it that way, ask her why as there must be a reason.

XmasElf10 · 21/09/2022 14:34

This wouldn’t be at all an issue in my relationship with my sister. I absolutely would give her half immediately as she would do same for me. If it made paperwork easier we’d have it all paid into one account and then tidy it up after.

Marynotsocontrary · 21/09/2022 14:38

Personally I trust my sister so this would be a non-issue for me

This

frazzledasarock · 21/09/2022 14:38

What was her reason for insisting all the proceeds be paid into her bank account when you told her it can be split into between bank accounts?

I’d be angry and suspicious of her too. There’s no reason for the money to be paid directly to her account. Especially without your permission

PuzzledObserver · 21/09/2022 14:39

There will be an administrative charge to divide the payments between two bank accounts - maybe just £25 for the CHAPS transfer, maybe more. Maybe that’s why she did it?

You will have had to sign something to say you agreed to the proceeds going into her sole account. We had this in reverse when we (I) sold the house I had bought before DH and I got together and the proceeds were going into our joint account - solicitor got me to sign something saying I understood the implications, which were basically that DH could have emptied the account the following day. Since I trusted him and all our finances are joint, that wasn’t a problem, and 20 years later we are still good.

Talk to the solicitor. Say you want half sent to your bank account. Assuming contracts haven’t yet been exchanged, you can prevent the sale from going ahead until that amendment is made.

And I suggest, rather than not talking to your sister, that you do talk to your sister. Tell her you would be more comfortable doing it this way and can’t see any reason for it to be otherwise. And since she is not trying to scam you, there won’t be a problem.

AryaStarkWolf · 21/09/2022 14:39

Did you think she was going to steal all the money or something? I couldn't imagine falling out with one of my siblings over this but then I trust them not to steal from me either so......

frazzledasarock · 21/09/2022 14:39

Presumably those of you with trustworthy siblings would not have this issue as they’d have given your account details for money to be paid correctly between the two accounts.

daisyjgrey · 21/09/2022 14:56

This is entirely contextual on your relationship with your sister and who she is as a person. I would have zero issue with this happening and my sister transferring me the money, but then she wouldn't ever screw me over.

Womencanlift · 21/09/2022 14:59

Says a lot about your relationship. I wouldn’t think twice about this and would actually be grateful that we were not paying two bank transfer fees and I know my sister would feel the same about me if it was the other way round

Only you can say whether your sister is unreasonable or not

CrotchetyQuaver · 21/09/2022 15:00

Well if the sale hasn't completed there's nothing to stop you informing the solicitor that you want your 50% of the net sale proceeds to be paid directly to your account. If you own it jointly there won't be a problem doing this - my brother (who I don't get on with) and I did this when we sold a jointly owned property.

Pumpkinsnearlyready · 21/09/2022 15:03

Surely you just insist half goes in your bank from the start? She shouldn't be making a big deal you prefer it that way.

Snoken · 21/09/2022 15:05

I'm guessing there is more to it. I wouldn't have a problem if my sister or my brother did this, but I trust them. When me and my ex husband sold our homes (moved several times), the money just went into his account. When we sold our last home it was the same thing, but as we were getting divorced he just transferred my part of the profit over to me afterwards.

SheldonesqueIsUnderwhelmed · 21/09/2022 15:07

I am often the fixer/organiser.

I would act similarly and then make it right. I would no more cheat my siblings than turn off the sun.

If you have any reason to think your sister would leg it with your money then you are not unreasonable to be cautious.

If not? Give her the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes we are doing the best we can.

KentonArcher · 21/09/2022 15:09

When I sold my house and had to give half to my ex, the solicitor told me it was preferable and cheaper for the money to go into one account. It went into mine, and I then transferred it to him.

MiniCooperLover · 21/09/2022 15:11

The charge to do two transfers is minimal, even if you're transferring very large amounts of money. Get the money transferred direct to your account, do not depend on your sister handing half over. Then feel free to stop talking to her, but don't until you have that money.