To not invite this child

[baxtersm]

So my little boy is turning 8 soon. We are having a party at a local trampoline park, costs £25 per head so obviously we have to really limit numbers. (Previously we have had his parties at home or in the parish hall with a bouncy castle and invited the whole class, some kids from other classes he plays with) As we're limited to numbers there's one kid who previously would have been invited (not in his class but in his year group) but is being left off the list. DS says they don't play together anymore. The problem is his Mum is quite friendly with me and her nose will be totally out of joint, especially as this is going to be quite a cool party for them all that no kid has done before. Is it awful of me to leave the child out and then risk the Mum being mad about it? To be honest the kid himself probably won't mind being left out as they genuinely don't play together.

And at £25 per head that could bankrupt some people.

Have the party your kid wants with no expectation of pay back.

If this kid isn't in the same class group as your DS, then it's perfectly fine to not include him, so long as the others being invited are in the same class grouping.

This should be about the kids not the mothers

This is a ‘how much is £25 worth to you’ dilemma.

If £25 is no big deal, then invite him as it solves the problem. If that feels like a lot of money, then don’t. The right answer depends on different financial positions.

Well anyone that is risking bankruptcy for a party will attract very little sympathy.

Op and the other mother are friends - close enough for op to consider her feelings when deciding the guest list, friends usually communicate and talk and I am sure the situation will be easily resolved with a simple conversation.

Just to clarify, when I said the child's mum and I are 'quite friendly' I mean we would chat at the school gates if we see each other, the boys go to rugby at the same time (although in different groups so no opportunity for them to play together) so we chat there too, have each other's numbers for occasional WhatsApp message or tag each other on Facebook memes- apart from that we don't hang out at all. Don't know if this is relevant or not! It's not about the £25 at all, I think I'm really just nipping all the massive parties in the bud here and focusing on inviting my little boys friends only. But I know she'll not be happy I just do.

Your sons 8th birthday, he invites who he wants based on numbers you can accommodate. Thats all there is to it. Shouldn't even come into the equation who he invited when he was 6 or who likes his mum best.

I'd just bring it up in a matter of fact way if you think she might be offended. Just a simple, 'god aren't birthdays getting expensive now they get older! Little timmy really wants a trampoline party, so I'm having to limit numbers obviously, hes managed to narrow it down to 5 of his closest friends from his class without too much trouble, thank goodness.
Whats little bert wanting to do for his this year? cant believe they are 8 already!

And leave it there.

Has your ds actually said that he doesn't want him at the party or does he just not care? If it was me I'd probably still invite him for this party if you can afford it. Maybe your friend and her son don't care at all but in case they do it won't harm anyone to invite him (unless ds actually doesn't want him at the party).

That's ridiculous. Just because the adults are friends does not mean the children are.
Mothers are independent of their children.

I would not want to be friends with someone who couldn't understand that

And the whole point is OP doesn't want to bankrupt herself. So she is keeping it small and to those who matter to her son. The birthday boy.

There is a mum at our school like this, happens to be a friend of mine outside of school too. Even took it upon herself to message parent's saying 'I haven't seen x invite, he may have lost it?'

I always made sure he was invited to my son's party but was more to appease the mum, then she invited loads of kids for her son's party but not my son. I was actually quite relieved because this year, we didn't feel obliged to invite her son and she actually said to me, 'you not doing a party for x this year' 🙄

FYI, my son only wanted his close friends there though due to having social anxiety and her child isn't one that he feels comfortable with.

This is it, I'd just be inviting him to appease her.. and I feel like I'm doing everyone else a favour if I'm one of the first to limit numbers like this. She is kind of like a Queen bee character, perfectly lovely but this will be the first time her son has been left off a party be usually would be invited to! Her little boys birthday is a few weeks later so I know my son won't be invited if I don't invite him and I am totally fine with that!!

He wouldn't mind if he was there.. but I've given him a number of friends he can have and he's not on it.. even if I added on another two I don't think this particular child would make the cut! They don't have any problem they just don't play together anymore

Okay so she isn’t a friend at all, just someone you see to pass the time of day occasionally At the school gate or rugby.

Why are you giving it so my thought then? Of course your son can invite his own friends, you owe this woman nothing at all. Not even a conversation.

You are concerned though which makes me think following the Queen bee update that you are worried about her kicking off or worse still bear to a grudge. Queen bees get all of the invites for this reason.

So the choice isn’t party invite or not
it is what will be the consequences if you don’t invite her son?

She doesn’t sound great tbh

Yes you're probably right to be honest. Think you've summed it up well.