I start a new job on Monday. It pays me more money but I need it. I'm a single parent and have been working in low paid jobs and claiming first tax credits then universal credit for almost 18 years. When my son was young pretty much all of my wage went on childcare and rent. It was stressful. I couldn't afford a car and walked 20 minutes to drop off then 20 minutes to bus stop, wait for bus, go to work, do the same in reverse often with late fines added when the bus was late.

There was never any spare. Not money not time not headspace.

I've done all that paying rent all the time. I always knew that my income would drop drastically when he got to 18 and that at that point I wouldn't be able to afford to rent a place with a bedroom for him on what I earned. So I tried hard at work, got promotion to an extent, still wouldn't be enough so I'm taking the leap and going for a different job that pays more. Fortunately I got it due to doing work far beyond my pay grade in my current job over a period of years.

So ... success, I guess. But it's been a grind and now I'm 50 and I'm tired. And I will have to keep on working at this rate until at least 70 just to afford my rent which I pay forever.

Help me feel a bit more positive about this. Rn I just feel like I've struggled to get to the point where I can make rent at age 50 and honestly I feel like a failure that it's proved so difficult. I don't feel triumphant or elated that I'm finally earning enough to pay rent without state help, just slightly relieved and focusing on the long long road ahead. Which looks pretty fucking bleak and hard.

At a time in life when most people are scaling down work I'm ramping it up, and I'm so, so tired. I've had a few health problems these past few years, I'm worried there's more in store, and I wish things were different.