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AIBU?

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Original poster

Partner said Iv changed after having a baby

18 replies

Brightstar55 · 20/09/2022 23:27

Not sure the reason to this post perhaps just some advice and someone in a similar situation.
iv been with my partner for 10 years had a baby 2 years ago and he told me Iv changed after having a baby and how I’m not a nice person anymore.
I was taken aback by his comments as in a way I have changed I feel like I’m not good enough most of the time.
I found it hard during lockdown having a baby and no support and like everyone else down in the dumps. I don’t have a relationship with my mum so google was my best friend during the early days of motherhood and I secretly battled my own demons with childhood memories and feelings coming back. Looking back I get sad thinking how bad I got but glad Im 100 times better than what I was. I did say to my partner on one occasion I was struggling and his reply was your not the only one with you crying and the baby. So from that day I did close up and I deal with my stuff on my own. (not good iknow but I feel like I have no one)
After I had the baby I found out he had TikTok and followed only attractive slim girls made me feel like crap after having a baby gaining a few pounds, he’s always used Instagram and I don’t follow him (one reason he didn’t accept request) but if his phone is around I’d check on it the odd time and he comments on other womens stories and follows attractive girls and likes there pictures etc I made a business page to promote myself and he doesn’t follow me or support me on that (maybe I’m being silly) but I think you don’t know them girls and your liking all there stuff and not mine? I think after 10years of being together and him being 30 that he’s pathetic to be on Instagram liking pictures (maybe just me that thinks that 🤣) if I bring it up I get an earful for going through his phone and turns it back around on me, deep down I don’t think Iv been happy for years I love my child so much and wouldn’t want to hurt him but I feel so unloved at home. I always dreamed of being a mum and I hope I am a good one I’m doing the best I can and I have the most loveable funny child who makes my day everyday. When he said I wasn’t a nice person anymore I felt hurt and the more I thought about it after I feel like he’s part to blame? I found it difficult at the start with having a baby and no mum and no support quite isolated at times I cried myself to sleep most nights and all I wanted was someone to tell me I was doing a great job. Maybe it is me? Sorry if this post makes no sense! I’m not sure the reason for the post maybe some reassurance? Or someone who’s been in the same position? I feel like Iv changed and he hasn’t he can get up and go when ever he wants whereas I can’t in a way?
if I did want to leave I really wouldn’t know where to start who to go to? How much money would I need to have saved?
Thanks I’m advance!

OP posts:
Surtsey · 20/09/2022 23:30

He is jealous that he isn't Number One in your affections any more, and that he no longer gets your undivided love and attention. It is quite common, I believe.

hellosunshineagainxxx · 20/09/2022 23:31

I struggled with baby and no family support (dont have a good relationship with my mum) but my partner was like a rock. Your should be supporting you in all ways not making you feel worse. Of course you have changed you are a mother. Plus he is being an arse to you. I think you need to tell him how he makes you feel and if he doesn't try and put things right leave. You deserve so much better

OlderParents · 20/09/2022 23:32

He sounds awful. x

FarmerRefuted · 20/09/2022 23:41

He sounds like a complete dickhead.

Have you looked on the turn2us or entitledto websites to see what sort of financial support you'd be entitled to as a single parent? You would also be entitled to child maintenance and there is a calculator on the CMS website that will give you an estimate of how much you could be able to apply for.

Do you own your home or rent it? And are you married or not married?

Mariposista · 20/09/2022 23:45

He sounds dreadful. You need to plan your exit now. You need a secure job, and a bit saved if possible. And guts, it will take guys but you will be so much better off for it.

Booklover3 · 20/09/2022 23:51

It’s not you, it’s him.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 20/09/2022 23:55

Its him that doeant sound like a nice person. If your partner is finding it hard after having a baby, you should be supporting them not having a go at them for crying. It sounds like he didnt give you any support at all emotionally and I'd bet he doesnt do half of his share practically either.

WorthThe · 20/09/2022 23:56

It's 100% him and not you.

Having a baby takes a huge toll on a person and you needed him there to support you when you were struggling, not judging you for "changing".

Also, I defy anyone to not change after such a monumentally life changing event.

catandcoffee · 21/09/2022 00:21

You have done an amazing job of giving birth and raising a baby, who's now a toddler.
Never doubt yourself

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 21/09/2022 00:54

Of course you've changed.

You've grown, and given birth to a whole new human being, and now you're responsible for them for years to come.

If that hasn't changed your partner too, he isn't worth another moment's thought.

I'm sorry for what you are going through now but if you can extricate yourself from this twat man, your life, and that of your baby will immeasurably improve.

Well done for posting.

Aquamarine1029 · 21/09/2022 00:59

You have absolutely changed since having a baby. You've grown up and he hasn't. He is a total arsehole.

LicoricePizza · 21/09/2022 03:37

Of course you’ve changed you’ve become a mum which is life changing. Unfortunately he doesn’t sound like he’s changed at all & is still carrying on being selfish & liking instagirls.
How can he expect you to be chirpy happy the old you when you’ve been doing most/all of the parenting with no support from him?
Your say your mh suffered too which is not easy at all & a little bit of understanding & kindness was all you’ve needed.
I’m so pleased you’re feeling better in that respect & think you should feel so proud of yourself & your little one & how you’ve pulled through.
Whatever you do regarding your partner - I think it’s so common for a woman to mature with the responsibilities of being a parent & all too often the man remains where they were, failing to step up or transition with her. It’s easier for them to in many ways but fundamentally it’s down to respect - for you & your DC. Does he respect you both enough to start making changes to support you? It’s like he’s saying you’re no fun now because everything’s so serious. He needs to grow up. Maybe you’ve outgrown him? 💐

Fraaahnces · 21/09/2022 04:50

Of course you’ve bloody changed. You’re a mum now. If he hasn’t changed then it screams a lot about him!

Shoxfordian · 21/09/2022 05:51

He doesn’t sound kind or supportive
Make a plan to be able to leave him

Marvellousmadness · 21/09/2022 06:00

No reasons to LTB pps. Stop overreacting. You dont throw away 10 years cause the man said youve changed or because he likes tik tok women whom are slimmer than you. Or that he suffers too from you and the baby crying

Talk to the man.
Communicate.

Tell him what you want
Tell him what you need
and talk together on how you can resolve this.

Then afterwards decide what you want to do and if things are salvageable

KangarooKenny · 21/09/2022 06:27

I’m going to suggest that what he doesn’t like is that baby gets your attention now.
Of course you will change, you’ve had one of life’s biggest changes, but it sounds like he doesn’t want the change. He looks sounds immature and quite pathetic.
Only you can decide if this is the life you want to live.

KangarooKenny · 21/09/2022 06:28
  • He also sounds immature………
Aubriella · 21/09/2022 07:46

He is an utter dickhead to say you’re not a nice person, when it’s clearly him not being nice to you.

Do you have access to money? How is managed, do earnings go into a joint account? Is the house rented or mortgaged?

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