Working parents

[lifewithme]

How does everyone that is a working parent cope.
I work in the care sector and I work two 12 hours shifts and 1 24hour shift a week with 4 days off a week. And my kids are always moaning I am working all the time and I am struggling with the guilt. I have two teenagers and a 8 year old. Obviously with my job I do sometimes have to work over holidays lime Christmas etc.

They moan whatever you do I realised having worked both full, part time and also a period of being at home.

Are you a single parent?

My kids don't moan that I work.

If they did I'd ask them how they would like to pay for everything?

I'm with Topgub! My kids know exactly why I work and that they would suffer if I didn't.

How old are they? If they are old enough to complain they are old enough to understand that life costs money.
However your setup is more difficult than most as so much of your shift is while the children are not in school. 12x2 and a 24 hr shift sounds tough.

I work 5 days a week - mine have never moaned. Occasionally they might complain they have to help at home - but I’ve reminded them more than once whether i worked or not if still expect them to help!

They would probably complain if there wasn’t a roof over their head or food on the table :)

@luxxlisbon

At least part of the 24 hour shift will be while they are sleeping.

4 days off a week is great imo.

Kids moan no matter what you do but as teenagers, they should know by now that the things they need cost money and how else are you meant to fund it? Your shifts are long but at least you’re home 4 days a week.
When the younger one goes to secondary school, maybe you can change your shift pattern so they see you at home in the evenings if that’s possible but otherwise, that’s life

Sure, but it’s also all their waking time too. Say it’s 7am-7am, by the time you commute you miss breakfast one day, the entire of after school and evening and most likely breakfast the next day.

Its personal preference, I would rather work more days and finish earlier than have multiple entire days where I don’t see the kids at all. To me 4 days off when at least 2 are school days and then not seeing them on the other days wouldn’t be worth it to me and isn’t a shift pattern that conducive to family life imo.

We've all had to work and thinking back as we are now grandparents I'm thinking gosh how on earth did we manage that.
In order to have a comfy life, we all have to work long hours, less time for the kids and selves etc.

you are luck you have two grown up kids - our are 2 years in age difference and it was hard work ie me working, leaving home 5 am and ret home 5pm and then drop my wife off at her work place from 6 to 11 and pick her up, 5 days a week for years. We only had the one car as we do not do HP/lease etc.

@luxxlisbon

Oh well.

I work shifts.

Days, nights, weekends.

Always have.

Suits our family life perfectly.

They have more than 1 parent for a start.

I think its just the long days that makes your kids think you are always working.

I work 8 to 4.15 so am here every morning and evening when they wake up and go to bed.

This year I have taken as much annual leave as I can at the same time as their holidays.

Although being honest, DH works away Monday to Friday and DC dont complain about him working all the time. They know the reason we have to work and that its not a choice.

Okay, good for you I guess?
It doesn’t sound like it suits OP’s life since her kids aren’t happy. It’s not your thread it’s the OPs. I can have a different opinion to you, not sure why you are taking such an issue with me.

Agreed!

My dc moan. But I need the money so not much will change! Mine didn't moan when I didn't work. I wonder if those who have always work have dc who know no different and therefore never mention it being an issue?
Anyway if you need to work that's all you can do is continue to remind them why.

@luxxlisbon

I'm not taking an issue with you lol.

Its not my thread, no but the op asked for comments from wp. I work shifts too so am better placed to comment than someone who doesn't telling her shifts are the problem. They're not.

The op kids moaning doesn't mean they're not happy or even that the op has to do anything about it.

She could switch to 5 days and they would moan she works too many days.

Kids can't always get their own way.

Are you a single parent op?

I remind mine that they have two parents and between us both we make time to hear their opinions, take them to all the things they need to attend and some of those they want to. And with the eldest (12yo) I remind him of the practical things he can be doing to help our family out and ensure that the time we spend together is quality time. The more we pull together, the more time we have with one another where we're not worrying about competing priorities, housework etc.

To be fair, my youngest (almost 6) has declared that the only way she'd be happy would be if I was her teacher at school! But that's because she finds the expectations of school hard to deal with (academically she's bright, but she has additional needs and masks at school).

We both generally try to have some special time with each of them most days, even 10 mins or so. Easier with youngest as she's really well organised and loves to help, as opposed to playing games. Bizarrely, she also loves homework. With ds, I take him to football as that's his passion, with dd it's taekwondo. Dh and I share the hobbies between us. It does make for a hectic life, but we really try to make the most of our weekends.

My kids moan about me working all time time. Despite the fact I work from home and can therefore faciliate their activities and social engagements and they rarely have to use wrap around care.

I don't let it get to me. We live in an area with lots of SAHMs and high flyer dads, so they have a bit of a warped idea of the world and I am glad that we are modelling a different set up at home. They are also not complaining when we buy them new things or go on holidays or eat out.

My 4 year old knows mommy works to pay for food and our house. Single parent.
He knows and I'm very clear, you work to pay for things. It's just the way it is he's fairly accepting now that Mon to Friday mommy works.

This makes me angry. You work in a vital job, with 4 full days off to put food in your kids' stomachs and clothes on their back, and they are whining and whinging that you are 'always working'? They are being bratty.

I work because it facilitates a nice life, they have understood that from a young age but your shift pattern sounds a nightmare. Can you change it in anyway?

No am not a single parent. They always have one of us in the house when they are not at school. It's not like they are in childcare or anything.
Now am thinking should I change my job?! So am home more. But I like my job and its not to badly paid.

Why on earth should you change your job?!

Your job is fine. 4 days off a week is great.

You need to teach your kids that they have to work for a living and to appreciate the important work you do.

And that parents don't have to do what kids tell them to!

I work a 9 to 5 job. Would never choose 24 hour shifts with kids.

Quit and find something office or retail based. Loads of jobs are 9 to 5. Yours mistreats you and probably underpays you. Jack it in.

On what basis have you decided OPs job results in her being mistreated or underpaid? She says neither of those things.

And on what basis would a 9-5 job give the OP more time with her children? They’re asleep for half of her 24 hour shift anyway. And the shifts she does means she has 4 full days every week when she’s available for them, unlike most 9-5 parents who only ever have the weekend and limited evening time.

Trying to see this from your kids POV OP - if they are not seeing you at all for 2 days every week, that probably feels like a very long time to them. Plus, if you're doing 2 other shifts per week where you don't see them in the mornings before school and in the evenings until after 7pm, I can see how they might feel. I imagine also that the 24 hour shift probably means you have little energy the next day, so even though you have 4 days off on the face of it, you are probably playing 'catch up' on at least one of those days? Maybe the kids are noticing you are tired (if indeed you are)?

Can I ask why / how you are doing 24 hour shifts? Are you a carer to someone where you sleep over?

Is there any chance of you dropping a shift, or is the extra money a priority right now? What is your husband doing and what does he think?