To let baby cry

[worrywart33]

Firstly this isn't a controlled crying thread. I know my 6 month old is too young for that and it's not something I particularly like anyway. But I am really really struggling with her.

She cries. A lot. But mostly it's because she wants to be held or wants my attention. So for example in a morning I feed and change her and have cuddles. Then I have to put her down in her crib or on her mat with toys while I sort my other dc out for school. She just screams. I know there's nothing wrong because as soon as I pick her up or go to her she smiles again. It's so stressful and my other dc are suffering for it.

She's always been quite high needs. She has CMPA and once that was diagnosed and treated with prescription formula she seemed to settle down a bit. But it feels like we are going backwards again now. I hate to hear her screaming but sometimes I can't physically be there to pick her up. She's so clingy that I can't even pass her to my mum or a friend without her crying. She will go to dh occasionally (if he's lucky!) but otherwise it's all on me all of the time and I am exhausted.

Is it ok for her to just cry a bit sometimes if I can't get to her straight away? Providing she is safe and there's no other issue of course? I see people on here all the time talking about how it's neglectful to ignore a crying baby but clearly they must not have other dc because it's just impossible for me to sit cuddling her all day like she wants (even then she gets irritable after a while) and also do what I need to for my other dc.

I have tried slings too and they don't work. She just wants to be in my arms.

Its fine.

The more you pick her up, the more she'll expect you to.

Would she be better in a bouncy chair/rocker so she's more upright?

It’s definitely fine, OP! Your other kids matter too (and you have your own needs that have to be met!)

@Topgub thank you, I just feel like I have to go to her but then it's reinforcing the behaviour. Is she too young to even understand that? I don't know.

She does have a bouncy chair but it's the exact same scenario in that. She might be ok for a few minutes but then she realises I'm not there and goes crazy.

Would wearing baby in a sling help you at all?

Nothing wrong with sorting yourself / children etc.

We tried slings and I found them uncomfortable but she also cried in them too. She wants to be in my arms. We have had several occasions where I've had to take her out of her buggy/baby carrier/sling while out and about and carry her (while pushing the buggy/carrying all the bags etc!!) because she's just so distressed. I've stopped doing that now because she's getting too big but I get some very funny looks

I know the guidance is no screen time until 18 months but I've had a similar situation with my DD and have given in and put on HeyBear on YouTube on the TV for 10 mins each morning to let me feed dogs, eat something and pee! I choose the ones with classical music so I don't feel too bad about it. I just feel that the short period of screen time is better than her being really upset for 10 minutes. She absolutely loves it and it gets our day off to a much better start.

OP I hate it when I see on social media how you should never let a baby cry etc. It’s completely unrealistic that the baby never cries, you have other DC and let’s face it sometimes you need to attend to your own needs. I personally don’t subscribe to the belief you can spoil a baby by holding them.
Some babies need to be held more then others. If the baby is in a safe place then go get the other DC ready.
At that age big changes happen so quickly. Another couple weeks and you might find a huge decrease in crying. It’s easy to say this is a phase but things will change.

It is normal for babies to want to be held. Obviously we have to meet our and other Childrens needs too; so you have to do what you have to do to get those things done. If she cries a bit then that's fine, you cannot meet her needs immediately all of the time. I used hey bear too for a few minutes peace to go to the toilet and get myself a drink

My 10 month old was like that up until about 7 months old. The buggy was to carry the change bag and he got carried. I can report he has happily gone into his buggy for last couple months much to my relief. Now when I see babies being carried and the buggy being pushed along empty I feel relieved it wasn’t just us.

hmm, I wonder if your other children could play peek-a-boo with baby while you help the other child(ren)? . Maybe music and a child dancing in front of them sat up in buggy/bouncer etc - basically I am wondering if baby would be old enough for a little distraction to help - sorry its been a while since I had a little one so small but do have memories of my eldest singing rather inappropriate songs to the youngest as I grabbed a shower - this will pass I hope it is soon for you all.

It's fine OP.

Sometimes children have to wait for attention from their parents.

I know she can't quite understand you yet, buts it's helpful for you to explain to her what's happening.

So for example, as you put her down in the bouncer sat, 'I'm putting you down for a second while I do up brother's coat'

It will get you in the habit of saying it so that when she can understand she knows the attention is coming back to her soon.

I have a 5 month old no other children and sometimes I have to let him cry eg while I put shoes on to go out the door I try speak to him and stay where he can see/hear me so he doesn’t feel abandoned. I think if I had other kids to get ready if I could I would put in sling. I know she cries in there too (so does mine sometimes) but at least they’re on hou/being comfortered by your body/smell rather than crying in the cot? I think if it was me I’d rather he cried in the sling on me. Or bouncy chair in the same room as you and other dc?

No I wouldn't let baby cry, particularly it's when they're 6 months old. At that age crying means something. I don't think 6 months old baby cries for attention. I think they're showing their discomfort through crying at 6 months old.

There's only one of you and you can only do so much. Both mine were cling ons. I would also put DS2 in his bouncer or car seat with Teletubbies or something else from CBeebies on for 10 minutes, he seems to have survived unscathed.

I know you've tried slings before but I also struggled with them until I tried an ergo baby so it might be worth a trip to a sling library just to make sure there isn't one you haven't tried that would make life easier for you. There are also those contraptions that go round your waist that create a little shelf for baby to sit on which might also be worth a look.

It does mean something...that she wants to be picked up. She isn't in distress because when I pick her up she smiles and laughs. Believe me, I have explored every option with the crying and we are dealing with her CMPA. But I do think sometimes babies cry because they want nothing more than comfort, and while I try desperately hard to meet her needs and give her comfort I can't be available 24/7 when I have other kids relying on me too.

I let my ds watch TV for a bit. Hence my username. That or cbeebies....it won't hurt them.

No I wouldn't let baby cry, particularly it's when they're 6 months old. At that age crying means something. I don't think 6 months old baby cries for attention. I think they're showing their discomfort through crying at 6 months old.

Thats really unrealistic when you have other young children though. Baby crying, toddler chucking a tantrum. Baby crying, oldest trying to proudly show/tell you about first day of school or something (to them) super important. Baby crying, young child toilet training and needs your focus for a few minutes.

Sometimes it really is a case of prioritisation giving undivided attention to the one who needs it most while the baby cries or toddler tantrums for 10 minutes, that’s life in families.

Ds is now almost 1.5 years old and has been watching TV since he was 4....not all day before some pounce on me.

Husband should pick her up more often so she's equally as comfortable with him as with you.

That would be nice but unfortunately he's out at work most of the day.

My baby is the same age. She's happy most of the time but if she is crying and I really need to do something e.g turn off the oven so my eldest's meal doesn't burn, help my eldest with the toilet or go to the toilet myself, you get the idea, then I will leave her to cry for very short periods. I try to avoid it but sometimes these things just need doing and I need to survive somehow. It's fine and I don't really have much other choice.

There is a middle ground of dont let them cry ever to let them cry for hours daily with cortisol rudhbthrough their little veins and setting them up for attachment issues later on.

Absolutely fine.

Absolutely fine. With both babies I have left them to cry while I finish a meal, shower or whatever. This culture of immediately jumping soaking wet out of a shower to snatch up a crying baby is relatively new and hasn’t resulted in better adjusted children.