Or was she totally digging for information and being emotionally manipulative?

[Flower2047]

I'll try keep this short. mum's brother is a very strange man. He was emotionally abused by his parents my grandparents (I am NC with them) he has a daughter about the same age as me. we are reasonably close but I've not seen her in a few years (lives far away) but swap a few texts once a week/once a fortnight. Uncle is v manipulative , makes me feel v uncomfortable, kind of person that purposely trips you up in conversation. I feel sorry for him but he is v damaged from his abusive up bring. I keep my distance because I have a long history with difficult abusive relatives and I fear for my own mental health. Uncle texts me yesterday asking to drop by as I was on his route to a holiday hes going on. I don't open message. Then get message from cousin (they are together atm same house) with a kind of random message about something she wouldn't normally bother to text me about. I message her back (my mistake as I think she was fishing as I hadn't replied to uncle) message uncle back today and say sorry I am working on this occasion so won't be at home, have a lovely holiday. Then get message from cousin "my parents are so sad that they won't get to see you, do you have a lot of shifts coming up at work?“ not the kind of message she'd normally send me. AIBU or was she fishing/guilt tripping/being emotionally manipulative? I am a sensitive person with a history of abuse so I might read things wrong.

Go with your gut.

Can you be sure it's even your cousin sending the messages ?

If you feel wary of meeting up with your uncle - that's reason enough not to meet up with him. Either ignore the message or say your very busy / not feeling very well and not up to visitors. There's no rule says you to have to meet up with relatives you don't feel comfortable around.

Ps - does your cousin know you feel this way about your uncle ?

Thanks for your reply @DPotter no cousin has no idea I feel this way about her dad, she is v close to her dad. Am sure it is her sending the messages but don't know if uncle is telling her what to say maybe as he has the potential to do that.

I would just respond to your cousins message at face value - "yes, busy at work at the moment." Try not to worry about her motivation for asking. It may be that she is fishing for information, it may be your uncle has asked her to find out if you really are working - you won't be in so you won't be seeing him/them.

yeah I'm totally getting images of your uncle telling your cousin to send you a message and see if you respond...

Trust your gut, try not to hold it against your cousin if she's in the same house for now she'll need to try to keep the peace / appease the guy. But as of just now she's not a trustworthy person to be in text conversations with i don't think

Sounds like she was fishing, but from what you’ve said about the characters involved, I would assume she was manipulated by your uncle into asking. Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be a bit more wary of interactions with her, though. If he does it once, he can do it again.

Does it matter either way? You've already chosen to keep your distance from the uncle (for good reason) so whether she's fishing or now, you need to stick to your guns and not see him. You've got a very reasonable excuse as you're working.

I agree with @SparrowsNest

I'd just reply "Yes, crazy busy at the moment! How are you?"