To ask for advice on telling my manager my mental health is slipping again

[45678hf]

I was off work for 2 months this summer because of anxiety and depression. I returned to work 3 months ago on a phased return, I'm now on full-time hours and full responsibilities again. Work has been really supportive.

The past two weeks at work have been really busy. It's a really busy time for everyone and I know that, which is why I'm hesitant to mention this to my manager because I'm not expecting special treatment, but also as part of my return to work I made an agreement to mention when my mental health is slipping in order to be more proactive about things.

I've been in tears this evening worrying about this week at work, particularly tomorrow. I know from the moment I log in tomorrow I'm going to have so much work coming at me. We have had client work coming in last minute which means my own projects are running on very tight deadlines, and I've also had a meeting put in with a senior manager at work first thing tomorrow morning to help out on an even more urgent, last minute task that will take most of tomorrow. I made the mistake of looking at my work email earlier, and I can see the clients have been sending emails today wanting the projects I'm working on finished ASAP. I'm a bit of a people pleaser which feeds into my anxiety as I want to be able to say yes to everyone and do everything everyone needs me to do, but it's impossible and it absolutely wrecks my mental health. The past two weeks I've had ulcers and ringing in my ears from stress.

I have my weekly meeting with my manager tomorrow and want to mention some of this, but I'm not really sure how to bring it up and what to ask for. My manager doesn't oversee these particular projects of mine so isn't really involved in them enough to be able to intervene directly. I feel so upset because the way I'm feeling just brings me back to how I was before getting signed off, and I feel a sense of 'here we go again...' when I had been doing so well before

Sorry to bump this, but I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice on whether to mention this to my manager and, if so, what to say

That sounds so difficult op, but definitely your mental health is the most important thing here and I think you're right to be proactive and speak with your manager. I'd email them and request to sit down together somewhere private and I'd actually try to make a list of the things that are causing you the most stress whether it's dealing with pressure from clients/ feeling unable to switch off from work when you're at home/ amount of emails coming through etc etc. I'd also make a note of any changes you think could help you feel more in control. Then I'd ask if you can go through the list together and see if they can make any reasonable adjustments or give you advice on managing any of it. I'd speak to your gp again as well, ask for a referral to counselling or to discuss options re:medication or occupational health and I'd let your manager know you're doing that so they can see you're also taking steps to help yourself feel more in control. I'd just be really honest about the impact its having on you and the worries you have for the team etc. Hopefully they'll be able to put something in place. If they aren't helpful I'd consider joining a union as well. Fingers crossed they sound supportive though. Really hope it goes OK for you.

Well, I think you just need to be honest. Remind your manager that you said you'd mention if your mental health was slipping again, and so you're doing that. I think you do need to think about what would help - your manager may ask "what can I do to help you?" and you probably need some sort of answer for that (unless you just want them to know but not change anything)

I have a similar situation with my work at the moment, except I have health issues to do with my eyes. I do feel like a pain sometimes bringing it up or needing time off for appointments or whatever, but then I remind myself that it's MY health and it's more important than any job, and I have to prioritise it.

Do you think the job is causing any of your anxiety or depression? It sounds like a lot of pressure. Have you considered changing jobs to something less high stress? Or could you afford to go part time? I dropped down to 4 days at work due to my health issues and it's been a real help. I know I'm in a privileged position to be able to afford that, but just a thought.

also as part of my return to work I made an agreement to mention when my mental health is slipping

I would maybe start from there with a view to having a construction problem-solving discussion. Perhaps using the time to break down the things you're worrying about into smaller more manageable chunks will help?

Also, sometimes just not carrying around the burden of worrying alone about things can help. Sharing some of the worries can act as a release valve before the pressure gets unmanageable.

The agreement was that you would voice concerns at an earlier stage, so you can presumably work together to stop things escalating. I think you should speak up. Do you have a positive working relationship and trust your manager?

I wouldn't view it as asking for special treatment, but in asking for support in how to approach your workload and manage the things that are concerning you. That's a very practical thing to do that moves you forward.

I feel like my mental health is slipping directly because of the busy few weeks we are having at work. I take my work quite seriously, so if something needs doing I will do it at the expense of missing my lunch breaks and working late. I then worry about mentioning that to my manager as I feel like I'm taking too long on things, and that it seems everyone else manages to do their work, have a lunch break and log off on time most of the time.

It's busy across the whole team, and the deadlines are really tight and immovable. Usually when I bring up a busy workload I can ask the team if anyone can take on some of my tasks, or I can ask for an extension to the deadline but I don't think either of those things are an option. The busyness has also meant the things I've put in place to help my mental health (like taking regular breaks and logging off on time) have fallen away. I do think I just need to get on with it like everyone else is having to at the moment

Definitely mention it, it sounds like your manager is really supportive. I had a similar conversation it went really well this week, I feel much better and can also focus on ensuring I take a lunch and walk and leave on time

It must feel tough to mention it, but you’ve already agreed with your manager that you would.

Say something like: “Remember I said I’d let you know if I felt my mental health slipping? Just wanted to say I’m aware that I’m not feeling great now, so is there anything we can do to help me manage the busy period we’re in?”