To feel my friend has gone bat shit crazy and not want to visit anymore

[bagpuss90]

I’ve posted about this friend before - we’ve known each other for years -I have struggled at times. Everyone says she can be hard work. I usually visit her once a week - and no she won’t visit me. Anyway she acquired a cat a few months ago, and she is obsessed with it-and I mean obsessed . She’s decided it has a deformed mouth despite two vets telling her it has a normal mouth and is quite obese. She thinks it can’t eat it’s food due to the desired mouth , unless she piles it in “special lumps “ like a crane while he’s eating it. I’m sorry but if it can eat a mouse -it can eat a tin of cat food ffs.Wen I go round there- well if the cat gets up she follows it . If it goes out , she goes out to see where it is , she jumps up as soon as it comes in. While she’s feeding it in the kitchen , she’s gone for ages , pulling the bloody food up in a special way , two or three times while I’m there . I’m not allowed in the kitchen with her , in case I put the cat off of eating. She won’t come to mine , cos she won’t leave the cat. Don’t get me wrong I’m a massive animal lover. But aibu to think there is no point on me visiting her when she’s fussing over the cat in the other room for most of the time. I think it’s rude actually. She even gets up three times in the night to do the food thing. Oh and I’m not allowed to laugh loudly in case I scare the said cat 😩. She says if she doesn’t do it -the cat sulks and creates a bad atmosphere 🤔😩. Aibu to not want to waste my evenings anymore sitting in her sitting room on my own tolerating this crap ? Just read through this -and no it’s not a wind up

[Natty13]

What was the advice on your previous posts? And why do I have a feeling ypu didn't take any of it and won't be taking any posted here either?

[GobbolinoTheWitchesCat]

Blimey and I thought I spoiled my pets...

Yanbu, no.

[saraclara]

There is something wrong with her, quite clearly.
And no, I wouldn't continue going round. If she is getting up and disappearing for ages doing cat stuff several times each visit, I'd simply say "I don't think there's much point in me being here, as you're busy with the cat all the time so we can't talk", and then leave. You don't have to do it unpleasantly, just say it calmly and say that sitting on your own for long periods when you've come to visit her just doesn't work for you..

[dworky]

She's abusing that cat by overfeeding it. No cat needs feeding overnight, not even once.

[dworky]

Posted too soon.
It's munchausens by proxy.

[BobLemon]

To echo a few others - your friend has either a personality disorder or is suffering mental health problems. You refer to this not being the only incident. If she’s always had such tendencies, then you’re kind to be tolerant and accommodating. If this is new and acute, encourage her to see her GP and don’t hold it against her in the long run - she is unwell.

[Peach0123]

@GreenManalishi

If you can go round once a week and watch this and keep a straight face you're a better woman than me.

OP isn't allowed to laugh remember 🤣

In all seriousness though, do you know anyone else who visits friend? Might be worth a chat with them about this. Thing is this poor cat is going to end up really ill, if not dead at this rate, that Could send her further in to a spiral. Hope she gets some help.

Maybe try saying your a bit under the weather to visit and video chat with her some weeks instead of going round as often, save your own sanity too.

[AnnieSnap]

If this is a genuine post, I vote you are being unreasonable because you describe her a a friend. She clearly has psychological health problems and you are not a friend to her with this attitude. A friend would make allowances for her issues and encourage her to access the right services. Has she got OCD, Asperger’s, something else combined with anxiety?

[bagpuss90]

Natty13
I have and I was grateful for the reassurance

[Charlize43]

Does she have a partner and other close friends?

I assume not. These crazy cat lady types often have no one which is why they fixate and become obsessed with their cat / cats.

[MarieKlepto]

I'm a massive cat person. If you were round I'd leave the room to scoop the tray if I heard the scritching (for your benefit!). Mine are rescues with issues so not bothering them when they are eating is the best course of action. She, on the other hand sounds totally insane. That cat is going to go out one day and find a significantly more laid back human and not return.

[GlitteryUnicornSparkles]

I’m a bit of a crazy cat lady but even I think this is nuts. Your friend sounds like she possibly has mental health issues.

[bagpuss90]

I’ve tried to talk to her about this-all I get is that I don’t understand her cat. She can get obsessed with things. I remember her getting obsessed with a bloke years ago and pursuing him. If she’s getting up three times a night - well the sleep deprivation can’t be helping. Yeh she has a partner who visits at weekends , she does have other friends too. But I don’t know them to maybe chat. Quite honestly I don’t know what to do- without us falling out over it, because I think she’d get really really defensive , and she can be quite fiery .

[bagpuss90]

AnnieSnap
I hear what you’re saying but it would not go down well if I suggested it

[Alopeciabop]

I’ve stuck it out with friends who are nightmares before, as I’m sure many people have, and do you know what inevitably happens in the end…? They don’t give a shit whether you’re there or not.

It’s very sad she’s clearly got issues but if you support her, be aware that not only will it will go unrecognised, but she’ll be sucking your energy and mental health up with it.

if she has family by all means let them know she needs help but then don’t let it guilt you any further.

[WhereYouLeftIt]

@bagpuss90

I am concerned about her -but I don’t really see what I can do. I honestly wouldn’t abandon her tho

"Abandon"? Interesting way of putting it. As if you feel you are under some sort of obligation to be her friend. Why is that? Why do you feel obliged to visit someone who won't visit you, to sit there while she goes off to abuse (overfeeding is abuse) the cat some more? Just - why? Why have you not stepped back from this unequal relationship long since?

[AnnieSnap]

@bagpuss90

AnnieSnap
I hear what you’re saying but it would not go down well if I suggested it

If she won’t take steps (with support) to help herself, then it’s reasonable for you to step back and be there for her if she gets help in the future. This is not behaviour to take the piss about (as some other posters have done) though, this is clearly a significant mental health problem, especially as you say she has been seriously obsessed about other things in the past.

[ZealAndArdour]

I thought I was obsessed with my cat but reading this has made me feel quite normal.

[Aubriella]

This reminds me of when I had a cat. When it would sleep on my lap, I would sit there busting for a wee but I couldn't bring myself to disturb the cat.

Can you describe the crane?

[Thepeopleversuswork]

I have friends who take cat obsession to new heights. I have just let them compartmentalise it tbh. If she's otherwise a good friend let her crack on but just keep changing the subject. After a while the level of intensity will die down and she will get the message.

[HairyMothballs]

I've always had cats (42 years) and have adored them - but your friend is OTT. Even a cat lover like me would find her rather ridiculous

[XenoBitch]

Shame about the sudden onset of your cat allergy. 😉

Can you tell a little porkie to try and coax her out the house?

[BMW6]

She really doesn't sound at all well mentally. Unfortunately it sounds like she's not prepared to hear your concerns so you really only have the choices - stick around or walk away.